Sex, how often?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by confused_lad, May 28, 2009.

  1. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Hey guys,

    Been with my gf now for nearly 1 year! So, sex life was good in the beginning.. we would have sex fairly often.. now tho, since the 6months line, things have started to slow.
    I would say we have sex mabye 2 times a month.. I really want more.. So i asked her why we dont have it more often. She said that she didnt feel in the mood that often. This wouldnt do for me so I pushed it a bit. She told me that while with her ex, the last year or so of their relationship, whenever they had sex, it would really hurt her, and they would stop.
    Could it be something psycological that is preventing her from wanting sex more often?
    How often do you guys have/want sex?
    It's starting to get me down, having to masturbate, when I could be with my gf, who i really love.
    Is it healthy to only want to have sex so rarely?
    Any advice would be great, stories, info anything =)

    Thanks!
     
  2. bluedragon

    bluedragon New Member

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    Ok lets be nice about this. You say the two of you went at it say once a week or twice a week when you two first got together and this may have lasted 6 months or so. And now you are down to two times a month and when you push the problem she said it used to hurt with the ex boy friend.

    Well short of getting you in hot water here the first thing I would do is take her to the doc. and have her checked out. now here is why I say this, some times even a wife won't tell you if its hurting her. She will just give it to you and you think every thing is great when its not. So Ask her to go to the doc. and take you with her and let you here what the doc has to say and if every thing is fine inside of her then you have another problem.

    Can a woman loose her desire to have sex more than a few time a month? Yes they can but there is useully something behind it and you have to find it. Some times getting the gf to talk aout this stuff with you maybe hard if not imposable.

    Here is the best word of advice I can give you BEFORE you think she has gotten tired of you or don't want sex with you because its got boring look for some thing wrong in the health department. Save your self a whole lot of grief.

    Good luck
    Bill
     
    #2 bluedragon, May 28, 2009
    Last edited: May 28, 2009
  3. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Thanks for the advice Bill,

    Well, when I talk to her about it I meant that she tells me everything is fine, and she thinks the reason that she doesnt want it often "might" be because of her ex. I find this hard to believe. But I am sure that if something was hurting she would tell me, she has done before. She isnt using it as an excuse, I genuinely believe her that she just isnt in the mood for sex as often as I am. She even said that she wishes she wanted it more.
    Could that be a sign of something being physicaly wrong?
     
  4. bluedragon

    bluedragon New Member

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    Yes it is! A woman’s hormone can be off or something else could be causing some thing to be out of balance. That’s why I said go to the doc. With her and have her get a check up and go with her it show her how much you care for her and its not all about sex. Women are funny about things some times and little thing like showing her you will go with her and want to go with her will give her a good feeling about the relationship.

    I don’t know how passionate you are or she is but make it a point to just cuddle or be loving with her and don’t expect to get sex from it. Show her that there are other things more important than just the sex.
    Some times a little closeness with go a long way in Deeping the relationship. Its funny some of the things that will get her more loving. Hang in there guy she worth the time.
    Bill
     
  5. fregsex

    fregsex New Member

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    I know what your saying I see my gf at most once a week so when we are together I am always trying to make the most of the night. But about half of the time she just wants to cuddle. So i would say we have sex about twice a month also . It can be frusturating.
     
  6. laurencedarabie

    laurencedarabie New Member

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    we are together since 5 years now, and it's only 1 time a week....:ugh. But with all the job and the fast pace of the life, we need to spend more romantic time together
     
  7. emsemtb

    emsemtb New Member

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    I would not immediately jump to something being physically wrong. I would try to find out if it there is something that is mentaly stressing her. I would think that there are many stress factors that can play into the derailment and deteriation of the human sex drive. I would talk to her and try to find out if there is anything that is stressing her out. The biggest indicator towards this is the fact that she relates that she want to have sex, but "is just not in the mood." Points to stress, in my opinion.
     
  8. polarbear79

    polarbear79 New Member

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    i would say that twice a month is just about right for a normal woman. they get horny before and after their period. the rest of the time, you might try to romance her more, give her what she wants. if she just wants a cuddle, then do so. she will eventually return the favor.
     
  9. Dreama

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    Well good goddamn, I'm just not normal. Twice a month, and I'd be begging myself. She definitely sound like she's under a bit of stress. Try taking the load off of her as much as you can, and give her lots of love and attention.
     
  10. Jasonut

    Jasonut New Member

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    After 13 years of marriage twice a month is our average too...

    I miss when it was more, but I guess that's why the divorce rate is so high lol
     
  11. igor

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    Right now I'd be happy with twice a year:ugh
     
  12. AUserName

    AUserName New Member

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    "It's starting to get me down, having to masturbate, when I could be with my gf, who i really love."

    God, I wish my boyfriend had your mentality. Sorry man , I got no advice though. I'm in the same boat as you :( So far I only got sex once this month cause I practically had to beg for it.
     
  13. aloha.6969

    aloha.6969 New Member

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    Change things up. She's not in the mood because you're not setting the mood. Plan out a romantic night and do lots of foreplay. Use toys if you want. Women are more sensitive and psycological creatures. If the mind isn't overflowed with your romance you probably won't be getting any. When relationship first start off, there is excitement and new things to discover. Continue to discover new ways to keep things on the edge rather than making sex a chore and cycle that's the same everytime.
     
  14. dwj21

    dwj21 New Member

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    why do relationships have to be so damn hard? it seems, and i am in the same boat here, that it's always ab out the women and us men have to cater to their needs just to get sex. it's so frustrating.
     
  15. Trond

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    I see what you mean. I am often horny in the morning, but my wife not so much. My wife sometimes gets in a better mood if I get up early, make tea for her, and spoil her a little in general. By the time she MIGHT be in the mood, I have lost much of my interest. Or rather, I am less insistent by that time, and it comes to nothing. In fact, I wouldn't mind spoiling her AFTER sex, but that doesn't work for her :(
     
  16. Barbwire

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    I know you are just venting, but making such a sweeping statement isn't fair. I'm sorry if you have had bad experiences and feel like you are somehow being taken advantage of, but not all women are like that. Also, sometimes the shoe is on the other foot, you know.
     
  17. Dragon_Fire

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    I've been the one practically pleading for sex, so yes, it does happen to women too. After much frustration early in my relationship when it was a good month if I got any from him at all, we've now settled into a pattern of once or sometimes twice a week. I would like more and I wish we could be spontaneous occasionally but I'm content with what I've got for now and actually look forward to my little solo masturbation sessions several times a week.

    I often hear of women just surrendering sexually to men to keep the peace. I've even done that in my previous relationship. We can lay there and take it even if we're not in the mood. But guys hold the penis, if that's not going to stand up for me, I'm in the cold. (I'm not talking erectile dysfunction, just lack of willingness.)
     
  18. Trond

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    Yes, there is a lot of individual variation, and some women are obviously hornier than their men. However, numerous studies have shown that men are, on average, more interested in sex (or rather women may be interested in the subject, but men apparently want to get down to business more often).

    I know it's a bit unfair to judge from one person's statements, but for some reason I feel like quoting Whoopi Goldberg (who seems to me to be no less horny than the average woman, based on her own statements). She once said that "it's on our to-do list, but we often don't get around to it, because of all of the other things we have to do". This is fine, but most men don't have sex on their to-do lists. If you have a delicious piece of chocolate cake in your fridge, do you have to put "eat chocolate cake" in your to-do list? :)

    Just for the record: I am not trying to say that there is anything "wrong" with women who want more sex than their guys. I feel your pain. Welcome to the club :D
     
  19. Dragon_Fire

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    My guy puts sex on the to-do list, believe me on that one.
     
  20. Trond

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    Ok, I guess it happens.:) Good luck!