Sex, guilt and religion

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Trond, Jan 25, 2011.

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Was your upbringing religious, and did it lead to sex-guilt issues?

  1. I had a religious upbringing, but no sex-guilt issues

    20 vote(s)
    39.2%
  2. I had a religious upbringing, and was given sex-guilt issues

    7 vote(s)
    13.7%
  3. I had a non-religious upbringing, but no sex-guilt issues

    20 vote(s)
    39.2%
  4. I had a non-religious upbringing, and was given sex-guilt issues

    4 vote(s)
    7.8%
  1. Trond

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    Hi everyone!
    This thread is, in a way, a continuation of my previous "childhood experiences" thread.

    I actually got the idea for this new thread from a graphic novel/comic book called "Blankets". If you have never read a "serious" graphic novel before, then this one is likely to shatter your previous ideas of what comics can be like. It is an autobiography about a boy growing up in an deeply religious and conservative family. In one chapter (while he is still pretty young), his mother finds out that he made a drawing of a naked woman. The boy is brought to his room by his very stern-looking parents, made to confess, and then told that he just made both the parents and Jesus very sad. Needless to say, the kid is crushed by the experience.

    I guess I was pretty lucky. My parents found a similar drawing that I made in my early teens. My father's reaction was slight embarrassment, but with the comment "well, I didn't think I would say this, but it's actually pretty good". Religion was never terribly important in my family though. I am not saying that this kind of guilt can only come from religion, as non-religious families also can have all sorts of issues.

    So, were you ever given sex-guilt issues by your family while growing up? Did it have anything to do with religion? I will leave the definition of "issues" and "religious upbringing" to you guys (feel free to specify if you got over it, or if you don't think it was a problem at all)
     
    #1 Trond, Jan 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
  2. nurseharley

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    my mom is very religious but when it came to sex she was actually very open with me and didnt think it was dirty or wrong, she just wanted me to be careful and make sure i knew what i was doing.

    but i do remember the first time i masturbated was on christmas, i was very young and immediately after i was finished i got on my knees and prayed for god to forgive me for sinning on his son's birthday :p
     
    #2 nurseharley, Jan 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
  3. Trond

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    Wow! This sounded almost exactly like a friend of mine in Norway, who is married into a "priest-family". She also felt she had to pray for forgiveness for touching herself (though not on Christmas, you naughty girl). Notice that she still managed to tell me about it. I think she felt that I was the only friend she had who did not judge based on this kind of thing.
     
  4. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    Let me start by saying that I do feel guilt it is part of me and it is something that I actively seek to relieve. I think however that people are often too quick to label guilt as a bad thing. Guilt is the mechanism by which we monitor our actions. Without guilt, we do not appreciate right from wrong. Shame, a related concept is the negative feeling associated with external judgement of our thoughts and actions.

    Religion is a set of beliefs about the world around us that often includes a moral code. I'm pretty sure that we can all agree that moral codes are good. What I believe you are questioning is 1) the efficacy of commonly held moral codes and 2) the manner in which these codes are taught to children.

    Essentially what you are saying is that you disagree with either #1, #2 or both. Guilt comes in when we believe in a moral code but we have difficulty living up to that code. For example: a catholic couple may believe that they should not have sex until they are married in a church ceremony but they are just too friggin horny to control themselves. They have sex and then they feel guilty about it. Some would say that the moral code of the chuch is flawed. But isn't that up to each individual to decide for themselves?

    The catholic church is seen as strict with regard to sex because there are a lot of limitations. When it comes to sexual intercourse between a married husband and wife however the catholic church has some very mystical teachings about the depth of the union sex gives to love and to life.

    I believe that the guilt issue comes more from our misunderstandings of religion and our inability to maintain the standards that our religions dictate.
     
  5. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    That's one way to deck the halls.
     
  6. Trond

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    I agree with much of this, but particularly with the bold sections. I think I made it pretty clear that I disliked the way the boy in "Blankets" was treated, but otherwise I am not terribly eager to say I know better than others how to raise children. For the record, I think the author of the book (Craig Thompson) is a pretty well-balanced guy today, but he is no longer religious.
     
  7. Mittimer

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    I was brought up in a very religious house. My Mother was brought up Jehovah's Witness and my Father was brought up Catholic.

    Which religion I chose was my choice, but I was constantly made to practice some sort of religion until I was 18 and was able to basically think for myself.

    All the while, from about 15 on I was sexually active in some way. I didn't lose my virginity to a male until I was 19 years old, but I did other sexual activities with them and I had sex often with females. I was actually sexually active with females far before I was sexually active with men.

    I never once felt bad for what I wanted. In fact, my entire life basically revolves around sex now days. From my lifestyle to my activities, my job and my hobbies.
     
  8. EscortBunny69

    EscortBunny69 New Member

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    religion didn't play any part in my up bringing and sex was never discussed but if I had a question it was answered honestly and openly :)

    Sex education wasn't really given in my school either considering it was an all girls school, would have been easier I suppose.

    Lost virginity when I was 16 with a bf that I was with till I was 18. :eyes hmmmm maybe I should have done ore exploring LOL
     
  9. Trond

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    Thanks! Sounds pretty similar to my situation.

    I was given sex education in school, but I am not sure how useful it was. Some of the STD info was good I suppose, but the booklets given to the boys and girls were...shall we say a bit off. Boys were made to feel like little monster tripods (War of the Worlds anyone?) who had only one thing on their minds. I took a sneak-peek in the book for girls, and I found some very strange information about boys. Apparently, if we like a girl, we will frequently put our hands in our pockets so that we can touch ourselves while talking to the girl. Also, boys reportedly prefer to be given head, but we don't like cunnilingus, because the pussy is "dirty" while the penis is our "proud tower". For the record, at the time I had already had wet dreams about kissing a girl's pussy, but for some reason getting a blow job never seemed that interesting. I also hardly think I ever played with myself while trying to get the attention of a girl I liked. Sounds like social suicide to me.:lol

    You were waaaay ahead of me here. That's a long and slightly depressing story that I have already told a couple of times though.
     
  10. backcheck64

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    I was brought up in a strict catholic home, though we did go to catholic school because the public system was much better, my parents both went to catholic school and college. Every fucking Sunday, dragging us to church come hell or high water. I realized by the sixth grade religion was absolute bull shit. The bible was nothing but contridictions and far fetched stroies. Quickly came the realizations that theres no god, no heaven, no hell. No demons forcing you to do wrong. Good and evil reside in your heart and mind. With the enlightenment, sex had no guilt involved. Now a card carrying athiest and proud of it.
     
  11. BlueLizard

    BlueLizard New Member

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    I was raised in a very strict Catholic home...including doing the Catholic skool thing. I have a lot of time to make up for. For me...that is enough said.
     
  12. Trond

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    I feel for you. I had to go to church perhaps twice a year, and I found it quite boring. My brother thought it was pretty funny one year when the priest messed up (sadly I wasn't there), he was trying to say "Jesus barnet" (baby Jesus) and instead said "Basus Jernet" (Base Iron). People still remember, and "Basus Jernet" now has a Facebook page. :lol
     
  13. backcheck64

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    Through most of high school my parents as well as my friends forced us to sit through that crap...but at least we usually had a good buzz still going from the night before. We did go to some of the youth functions to pick up girls. Catholic girls bucking the teachings....lots of fun. Thats when I did it in a confessional. Got a lot of girls just wanting to do what they were told not to. LOL Worked for us.
     
  14. dreamer60

    dreamer60 New Member

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    I was raised by religiuosly confused parents. My Mom hated sex and did everything in her power to see to it I did too...didn't work. The more she discouraged sex, the more curious I became.
    I looked at it this way....if she thought it was so bad,,,,it must be good...lol.
     
  15. Trond

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    Um...religiously confused? Sounds like one of Bill Maher's jokes :lol.
    Seems like you worked it out though.
     
  16. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    I was adopted and raised by a strict Catholic Mum and an alcoholic Dad, I was also educated in a Convent, and yes I had very skewed ideas of sex at the end of it all. Somewhere down the line I've learned to seperate religion, faith and spirituality. 3 very seperate things which have all changed the way I view sex and self worth.
     
  17. Trond

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    You mean religion as an organized "entity" versus personal faith? Yes, this seems to make sense to many people.

    Just as a general side note: I don't mean to say that I don't have any guilt about anything. It's just that it has nothing to do with sex OR religion. My wife and I sometimes hurt each other by saying stupid things. But we get over it each and every time, either by talking about it or....well, talking less and caring more. We're good.

    As for other people, there is one thing that sometimes bothers me to think about. The woman I mentioned in post #3? A long time ago, I once hurt her feelings real bad. I can't for the life of me remember what I was thinking, but the fact is that I probably wasn't thinking at all (no it has nothing to do with sex). She is still a close friend, so I think we're good too.

    I never feel guilty because of "what God might think", though. To me, the people around you may care about what you say or do. The world at large does not.
     
  18. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    Agreed. You've touched a nerve here :) all of this gumph is what brought me here in the first place.
     
  19. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    Raised by very religious parents who had a very positive view of sex. Never taught me that sex was bad, if fact that it was, in their words, "a great blessing", but to be aware of the context and consequences, to be responsible, and don't blame others for the outcomes of the choices you make. Also showed me by their actions that relationships matter. I might not believe everything they did, but I think they raised me right when it comes to sex.
     
  20. igor

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    There ya go. well said. My parents never told me squat about sex. It's a wonder I never got a girl pregnant. The only sexual thing I was told was to stop masturbating by my mother when she caught me one time doing it.