Sex = dirty?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Makesmewonder, Jun 16, 2008.

  1. Makesmewonder

    Makesmewonder New Member

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    As you remember I posted a thread some time ago about being 21 and a virgin. This thread is somewhat related... at least the nature of my question. Lately I've seen a lot of sex scenes in movies and, even when it's more sweetly made, I can't shake the feeling that sex is dirty, animalistic, and not what person in its right mind would do. Maybe it's because I haven't had it however I'm not a prude, far from it. It's just, sex is seen mostly as something shameful and wrong and I can't imagine the people I know and/or see in the street doing it. Or even girls that I find extremly attractive I think "no, there's no way she does THAT" even though it would be the most exciting thing ever. Am I "afraid" of sex?
     
  2. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude...sex is only dirty if you're doing it right! It's good when it's soft and sweet, and it's good when it's dirty and animalistic. We are designed to have sex...it's one of the things our bodies are equipped by nature for, and our desires for sex are instinctual and programmed into us. Now, that doesn't mean that we go around fucking just everything that moves...but it does mean that sex is a perfectly natural thing. As long as you don't do something that is shameful or wrong to get sex, the sex is not shameful or wrong...far from it, IMO.

    I think you need to just get out and get laid! It's impossible to know how something is or isn't until you've done it, preferably at least a few times.

    BD
     
  3. Dreama

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    Sex is far from dirty (unless you want it to be ;) ) or wrong. I think you need to have some sex to truly understand where we're coming from. Where I'm standing, saying sex is wrong or dirty, is just plain childish. Get laid, and then come talking to us.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Wonder, read your own signature line. Sex is good.

    When I was a girl, after I'd masturbate, I'd feel like I'd done something wrong and dirty and the guilt really tore me up. (not enough to make me stop doing it, though. ;) ) After I grew up and matured, I learned it was an OK thing to do and I never felt bad about it.

    Perhaps, once you've gotten close to a woman, and fallen in love, and you have sex with her, you will feel dirty. If you do, just keep working on it until you mature and realize it's not dirty, or wrong or bad, it's what people in love do.

    And btw, sex scenes in movies are mostly bullshit, so what you see on the screen has nothing to do with reality, ya dig?
     
  5. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    Sex can be very dirty, depending on what you add to it. Chocolate sauce, whipped cream... :p

    To answer your question honestly, I think you're just inexperienced. You're still in the innocent frame of mind that nice girls don't do that. You're in your twenties now, nice girls do.
     
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Uh-huh. And some nice girls really know how to fuck you until you lose your tiny little mind too! (Just make sure you learn how to return the favor. :p)

    BD
     
  7. dazed-confused

    dazed-confused New Member

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    I believe that is also to do with the end of the 'high' we get whilst masturbating. Once we finish ourselves off, we lose the hormones and other drugs that were pumped into our system during the act. Hell, sometimes I still feel like it was a pointless act and it takes a moment or two after to realize that's simply my body re-adjusting.
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    I think it has more to do with your upbringing -- things that were said to you, either by your parents or others. Some religions teach that masturbation is sinful, and that sex before marriage is sinful, and even that sex after marriage should be for procreation only. Whether your conscious mind believes it or not, your subconscious mind will hang onto things you "learned" as a child. Some people maintain those beliefs their whole life, others form different opinions as they grow and learn.
     
  9. SeVIIn

    SeVIIn New Member

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    Dirty sex can be very fun but so can slow and sweet sex. The things you see in movies are often not how things are in real life at least for the most part. And honestly there are many many many different types of sex it just depends on who is having it and what they are in to. Though im pretty sure at least one of your friends has had "dirty" sex and its not a bad thing at all. It's really something you have to do in order to understand.
     
  10. Makesmewonder

    Makesmewonder New Member

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    I used to feel like that (and sometimes I still feel, but for different reasons). I was an early bloomer... I had hair in my face and other funny places before everyone else. I was the first in my class to masturbate, and I know this cause I told them what happened when I cummed for the first time (I had no idea what had happened). People I know now that have a very active sexual life, were amazed at what I was telling them. It's kinda ironic that I'm the one late at doing the deed...
    But there's that religious view of sex, which in retrospect is kinda paradoxal, that it is wrong and it should be repressed and hidden from children when it is our genesis... but that's not the reason why I see it as "strange". It's more the fact that sex is exploited in such a way, and is regarded in such a low way, and the people who are known for do it are not well regarded and so on... sex might be good, but the way I was led to view it (not by my parents or family mind you) it's just filthy and wrong. And the minute we know these "nice girls" do it, we see them differently, even if we don't want to.
    I'm not saying that sex is bad, I'm just saying that sex has a bad reputation.
     
  11. elm0

    elm0 New Member

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    Sounds like you're afraid. I think when the time comes you usually get past that, though. If you really want to do it, the idea of it being filthy usually goes away. I think it only feels dirty if its with someone you dont trust or something
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    If "nice girls" don't do it, then I don't want a nice girl! Trust me, nice girls have sex, nice girls enjoy the hell out of it, nice girls do naughty, naughty things. "Nice" and "virginal" do not have the same meaning.

    Dude, I think you're afraid to have sex. If you are afraid of having sex, then don't have sex. Wait until you are not afraid. There's no harm in not doing it if you're not ready or comfortable.

    BD
     
  13. igor

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    OK - I see what you are saying (I think). Sex is no more "exploited" than eating, or drinking. We see ads for it, we see people doing it, either is natural. Think of it this way - God made it feel good because he wanted us to enjoy it. If it wasn't your parents or family, then who led you to believe sex is filthy and Wrong? OK - the strict view is that sex outside of marriage is wrong. I have no problem with those that believe that. But that doesn't make sex filthy.

    Take it to the extreme: Some believe that sex is for procreation only. I do not believe this because, for one thing, a woman does not have to have an orgasm to become pregnant. Yet most women can orgasm (in fact some have more than men do). The woman's clitoris serves no function other than to provide enjoyment! Why would she have one if sex is not to be enjoyed?
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Absolutely agreed! Sex was designed to be enjoyed, not just a procreative behavior.

    BD
     
  15. cbrmale

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    I understand the Christian view on sex, but as an agnostic those views have no part on my behaviour. I don't want to rain on your parades, but it's clear that sex IS designed to be procreative. Even the female orgasm has a part to play, as it encourages women to participate in sex. The enjoyment that both genders derive from sex ensures that it will be repeated, and that life will continue. This is basic evolutionary survival, although as an agnostic I can acknowledge that the enjoyment / reproduction aspect of sex may come from something bigger than evolution.

    Throughout the millenia, both men and women have sacrificed beyond our wildest imaginations to have sex with a partner that excites or arouses them, and until recent times woman have run the risk of falling pregnant to illicit or forbidden relationships. And yet the sacrifices were made. Willingly. Sex and the desire to repeat (and repeat) this marvellous pleasure is one of the most powerful drives we have.

    Makesmewonder: you should read some philosophy, I suggest you become familiar Buddhism and some other non-Western points of view. You will find that sex is treated with reverance and respect, as well as acknowledging that it is a natural and powerful force that lives within us all.
     
  16. igor

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    Well, yes, I do agree with this too. I guess the main purpose of sex is to procreate. And if "doing it" didn't feel so good, we probably wouldn't do it.
     
  17. Makesmewonder

    Makesmewonder New Member

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    The thing is, I want to do it... I just haven't had the chance. But I am afraid of doing it, because I'm afraid of failing at it. But the reason I made this thread is maybe a philosophical view on sex. And at what I was aiming at I'll give an example: I have a friend, an american friend (I lived in the US for a year) that was EXTREMLY religious and Christian, she would take a guy that already had done it. Months later, after I came back home, I learn she found a boyfirend, who was known for already having had sex several times. 2 months into starting to date, she has sex with him, on Christmas no less. She has had it several times since then, to the point where she became pregnant but lost the baby. However she told me she was absolutly sorry for doing it before marriage and when I went back there for a visit, we were watching M:I-3 and Tom Cruise wakes up after a nightmare, in bed with his bride-to-be and she says that it's wrong they aren't married. I don't understand this trail of thoughts, especially when she is around her boyfriend, she is really suggestive. This is what I'm talking about... she has such storng feelings about sex, and yet she breaks them at the first suggestion. So if sex is so bad and wrong, why does she keep doing it however sticking to her supposed beliefs?
     
  18. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    God's idea!

    God made it irresistible! That's why! You are supposed to do it! Not only for procreation, but for fellowship (human interaction) as well! And friendship and love make it all the better!

    I disagree with Cybermale that Christianity frowns on sex. It doesn't. Churchianty does!
     
  19. igor

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    OK - realize that the Christian belief is that sex other than with your married partner is a sin. Even lusting after anyone that is not your spouse or watching porn is a sin. There are those that believe (mistakenly) that masturbation is a sin. And of course there are religions (wrongly IMO) that believe that birth control is sin. Having been brought up in a Christian environment, but having what I would call extreme marital sexual problems, I sometimes am one confused individual myself.

    There are extremes to everything and I feel sad that some people have to grow up with the idea that such a beautiful, intimate, ultimate experience that sex is, is bad!
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'd have to say Christian beliefs vary quite a bit. Agreed, the main belief is that sex with anyone but your spouse is a sin. On the extremes though, there are Christian sects that believe birth control, masturbation, fleeting lustful thoughts, even sex for pleasure rather than procreation are all eeeevil, while on the other extreme there are Christian sects that are tolerant of premarital sex even though it's viewed as a sin. I even stumbled across a site the other day for Christian swingers (expounding the belief that sex with others is fine as long as it's consensual between all parties involved and there's no deceit nor hurt of others involved).

    We do have to consider that many of the dudes in the Bible had multiple wives, harems of concubines (sometimes shared, as I understand it), etc. So, essentially men had sex with multiple partners and women had sex with multiple partners. And many of these men either helped write or were written about in the Scriptures. We don't really know that much about the women's habits because those weren't really recorded, or certainly not to the same degree.

    So, what's the real truth here? Boy, I dunno...I guess it's what your heart tells you is the right thing. I do definitely believe that hurting others is a bad thing, that's a definite. As for the rest...well, I can see how porn or sex toys could be a bad thing if you consistently favor the porn or vibe over your SO and it creates hurt for them. However, if you use porn or toys as part of your couples' enjoyment (whether it's actually together or seperately as an "appetizer") in a way that makes your sex life together better, and thus presumably also makes your relationship stronger...well, I just can't see that being a sin, ya know? Maybe in some cases, porn or toys act as a deterent to affairs and all the deceit involved in that...AND maybe right now some potential child molester is whacking off in front of his computer rather than molesting a child because he has no outlet for his sexual desires. That's got to be the lesser of two evils, doesn't it? Anyway, in general, I kind of lump all those things (porn, toys, strip bar visits, cybersex, fantasizing, etc.) together into "arousal or masturbation tools", and I personally believe all that's OK and not immoral IF used in a way that's helpful rather than hurtful to yourself and your SO.

    What about premarital sex and consensual extra-marital sex (ie. swinging)? Again, I dunno...if premarital sex leads to a strong emotional connection that becomes a strong marriage...is that wrong? I dunno exactly where I stand. My wife says everything happens for a reason...we were first attracted to each other in a quite lustful way (and acted on it), so maybe there was a grand purpose behind the early characteristics of our relationship? And swinging...a lot of swingers seem to say that what they do builds (actually, requires) total openness, honesty, and emotional intimacy (and I can see how that is likely true based on some of my and my wife's fantasizing, actually...it requires a lot of the same I think, but not to the same level). So if it builds the relationship between you and your SO, is that actually wrong? Ya know, I dunno. I'm sure in some cases, swinging is a deterent for deceitful affairs, so even if it's morally wrong at least it's honest rather than dishonest.

    Sometimes I'm not so sure "religion" is so much what you actually do as it is what the intentions in your heart are. And only each individual truly knows that.

    Life doesn't have any easy answers, so at least enjoy the journey.

    BD