Sex and upbringing

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by SexyScorp, Mar 8, 2007.

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  1. SexyScorp

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    How affected are ye guys by your upbringing and how has it reflected on your sexual views.

    Did any of ye break out or rebel against the teachings of your parents?

    I was brought up by a religious mother who was repressed...

    From an early age I rebelled by exploring my sexuality quite early, even though my mother discouraged it with all her might.......

    How important do you think it is to break free of your conditioning where sexuality is concerned...

    ?
     
  2. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I grew up in a very religious home and my parents were quite sexually repressed. For me, I could not subscribe to the philosophy of sexual repression being the only correct choice. So when I left the house I become more sexually adventurous.
     
  3. Barbwire

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    Excellent thread Scorp! In my family, sex was never discussed, period. It was like something so taboo you dare not utter a peep about it. It made it very difficult for me to tell my mom I was molested because of that. The sad part was, when I finally got the courage up to say something to her, she interupted me right off the bat, like it was something she could not bear to hear and just said, "Well, with your eyes, the boys are always going to try to get your attention." For that reason, I did not make eye contact with a man until my first year of college, and it still is very hard for me to do it unless I really trust the guy.
     
  4. SexyScorp

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    Thanks girl for your story...

    Sorry about what happened to you :(

    My mother too was very similar in her attitude...

    She would probably he horrified at my posting on a SEX board lol

    Your story about the eye contact made me gasp a a little. I have dark penetrating eyes and my mother used to say "you look at peoples' souls with those eyes"....I kind of felt she was putting me down, so like you I tended in the past to avoid eye contact until I realised otherwise.

    CL.....more similiarties in our lives hey?

    Love to you :)
     
  5. Rupture

    Rupture New Member

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    Scorp...so so interesting. I believe that sexuality is hereditary and when one is more sexual than normal there is a parent with the same trait...
     
  6. SexyScorp

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    Rupture ....

    Yes yes yes....

    My mother said to me once "oh you and your sister are hot like your father"

    He is almost 80 and still talks about sex

    Genetics....yes they have a strong influence for sure!!!
     
  7. Bella

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    I agree with this somewhat...good thread! :)

    I think I am more sexually active because my father was a sexual freak! :brow
    but my mother, well...let's just say...she wasn't! :ugh :shrug

    So, guess that makes me a "sexual freak" because I am the one who
    has a gf & a bf - always wanting sex one way or another &
    my sister....is married with 2 kids! & my brother, well he is still
    too young to know what he wants...:ugh

    Damn, does that mean I am really messed up or
    just free sexually ? :shrug
    ~Bella
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    It means you are sexually free and liberated and living your life as you wish....

    Sounds bloody great to me......

    Rock on girl!!!


    Hmmmm.....interesting so far to see that the three of us females who are all "up for it" seem to have had repressed mothers....hmmmm......
     
  9. NaughtyKnickers

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    My parents were very conservative in what they expected of me, but were always very affectionate and playfull with eachother, so affection in general was okay, and 'vanilla' sex was as well, but only when married and only with one person in your lifetime. Oral sex was only addressed once and in a very negative, filthy light.

    I think they both liked the sex they did have quite a bit because often on the weekends we heard quite a bit of, "You kids can watch a video now. Are you sure you can hear it?.. Why don't you turn the volume up a bit so you can hear..", as their bedroom door closed discreetly. :lol

    We weren't going to argue as TV was off limits on school nights... :eyes
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I was bought up in a roman catholic family...sex untill marriage was what was drummed into me, its dirty sort of thing....

    I guess thats why i was a sexaholic from a pre teen age..

    My dad was very cold , no real caring always worked abroad so never really saw much of him, my mum was the opposite very caring , but both where very against the ideas of sex ( or at least in my company they were.

    I guess i didnt follow the path they tried to carve out for me...
    Messed up sexualy...naa, just a rampant sex drive. :p
     
  11. AnonymousOne

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    Oh boy ... well parents are conservative Christians...

    (Now before the Christian bashing starts on the board about how ignorant christians are, and I agree that the vast majority are fools, keep in mind that my dad has a small library of everything from theological commentary to Plato/ Aristotle, Modern Philosophy, Biology, Logic, History and all kinds of fun stuff)

    ... now as I was saying, this style of upbringing led to alot of ... shall we say repressed urges that I just kinda had to figure out on my own. I don't fault them too much, they were doing what they saw as the moral thing. *shrugs* I think I turned out okay, Nothing special or great, just okay, but I suppose that's all you can hope for...
     
  12. Bella

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    My dad was a biker & a hell raiser! My mom went to church & tried to be a "good" girl!:ugh
    I could never be "the good girl" - I would be sooooooo miserable! ;)
    I just wish someone was home at this VERY moment!! Grrrrrrrr!!! :mad
    ~Bella
     
  13. cbrmale

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    My upbringing was difficult, because my mother was depressed and partly suicidal, so it wasn't a healthy environment. My father had to be father and mother to us, and he was not a sexual man at all. I once stayed for a week with a friend of his, an Anglican pastor in fact, and he discussed more about sex than my father did over the years. This friend was a good friend of the family, and I was comfortable talking about sex with him. He was gay, but he said that his experiences would be equally valid with heterosexual sex. Now you Christians, get your head around that!

    I was not religious, I wrote Anglican on the census but I never went to Church or followed it's teachings. I knew that they didn't believe in Jesus for example, but that is advanced theology. All you Christians, get your head around that one too! My country as a whole is open about sex, I never received any negative messages on sex, my father's friend gave me positive messages on sex, so I was always of the view that good sex is a healthy and happy part of life. And from the beginning of my sex life, I followed that path.

    My wife was born and raised in Africa, and American evangelicals like Baptists had gotten onto the scene in her country. She was guilty about letting go with sex, but she was also a naturally sexual person and had masturbated a lot before our marriage. So from our first time, sex was regular and loving and she was very orgasmic. Despite never saying no, and despite always coming, she was quite passive and this got to be a drain on me. We did counselling, but it didn't help, and then someone suggested it could be a religious past. Being Australian, I never thought religion could affect someone with sex, but we talked it through and this friend was right, she was guilty that God was watching her and judging her. We did some exercises to help her, and if she still believes God is watching her, it must be to smile at the pleasure we share. We had to unburden her Christian guilt on sex, so that we could both participate equally.

    I understand the theology of Christianity and sex, but it is a shame that so many have been made to feel guilty over shared sexual pleasure. It is worse that others choose to rebel and go to extremes, when the middle ground is healthiest. I am truly lucky that my country is not religious, and therefore there is no guilt or stigma associated with good sex.
     
  14. maryf48

    maryf48 New Member

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    I don't know how much upbringing affects how you develop sexually, but I shall share my experiences with sex and I agree, I think genetics have a lot to do with it.

    My mother and father separated when I was 2 and a half, my mother had to find work to support herself and me. My dad always helped us financially, but my mother wanted more and wanted the best for us, so she worked.

    I was sent to creche, I think you call it day care over in the USA.

    I loved it at creche especially when 'uncle bill' came to visit. He was a friend of the family of the lady that ran the creche. When uncle bill came, he used to play 'tickles' with me. Little did I know that the tickle game was sexual. I used to sit on his lap facing him with my legs on either side of his body. Then I would lay back and he would tickle me down there through my panties at first, then he would pull the panties aside and tickle my clit and pussy. I LOVED IT! I couldn't get enough.

    Please don't think badly of me, but you have to remember that we knew nothing of sex back in the early 60's at the age of 4, it just wasnt in your face about what is right and wrong, like it is today.

    This happened from the time I was 4, as I said, until I started school which was at the age of 6. I missed uncle bill so much. At school from around grade 4 I used to get the boys to 'tickle' me under my desk at school. They used to drop their fountain pen or pencils and play with me. Again, I couldn't get enough.

    After primary school, I went to a private girls school and started playing and kissing my friends in the toilets at recess and lunchtimes.

    I had my first boyfriend and my first actual sexual intercourse at 18. I was and have been (with the right person) completely insatiable ever since hehehehe.

    I love sex and I attend a huuuuuuuuuge swingers ball every three months called the saints and sinners ball. An AVERAGE of 1200 people attend and its fantastic.

    I found out last year that one of the reasons my parents split up was because my father was too sexual. He wanted sex all the time. My mother hated sex. She admitted she only married my father to get away from her parents.

    I also found out he attended swingers parties and his friends were in the sex industry, his best friend being a Madam :) I think that is wonderful and fabulous.

    Obviously, I have inherited my dad's sexual drive and I couldn't be prouder. He was the most beautiful, caring, devoted father a person could have. He lived with my husband and I and our 3 children for the last 10 years of his life, when he succumbed to cancer :-( We all miss him so much and everyone wants him back lol He was that amazing and such a beautiful person.

    Anyway, back on topic.

    I know a lot of you will think badly of me for liking what uncle bill did to me, but i have to be honest here, I am glad I had such a good sexual experience, even if it was so young. It has not left me bitter or twisted or fucked in the head.

    And so...... that's my story.

    Please don't yell at me and post me privately with words of abuse and anger at how I feel about the whole experience. All I am doing is sharing how I found sexuality and how my upbringing was.

    Hugs to all
    Mary xx
     
  15. cbrmale

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    Nature and nurture is what psychologists call the distinction between genetic inheritance and environmental issues. For example, my mother was a depressive, and depression runs in families. Given this, it is inherited, no? Well, maybe not, living with a depressive can ruin your life and you may end up being depressed because of the experience, not through your genes.

    I think sex is like this. My parents were virtually sexless, and yet they gave no negative messages on sex, I guessed they realised they were the ones with the problem. So I have always been sexual, and always open to new and exciting experiences. If I inherited either of my parents sex drives, I would have been virtually sexless. But some positive encouragement on the joy of sex, along with some interesting university research set me on a different course.

    In short, I don't think sexual attitude is inherited, I think it is shaped by the environment we grew up in. In many cases it amounts to a similar outcome, but not always.
     
  16. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Even from a fairly young age I remember my parents being pretty open and informative about sex and their sex lives. I must have been about six or so and after hearing the word rape mentioned in a movie I asked my dad what it meant. Instead of saying, "I'll tell you when you're older" or something similar he explained exactly what rape was. He never used euphemistic language when talking about sex. For example he'd tell my brother and me that we shouldn't come into his and his girlfriend's bedroom because they'd probably be naked.

    When my mom became pregnant with my younger sister she sat my brother and me down and showed us an anatomy book she had. She showed us pictures and diagrams of pregnancy in the book and explained what was happening and how it happened. Then when we became teenagers my mom told me that she'd prefer if I waited until I was older to start having sex, but just in case to be sure and always use condoms. She also had me start taking the pill at the age of sixteen.

    So there were no hangups at all when I was growing up. It wasn't until I met my ex-boyfriend that I began to develop any feelings of guilt about my sexuality. He disapproved of the fact that I actually liked sex and had at least as many sex partners as he did. His attitude eventually caused me to become frigid. I know, I know, it's hard to imagine. But what can I say? My ex was insane.

    Anyway, posting here has really helped me explore my sexuality and realize that there's nothing at all wrong with me.
     
  17. SexyScorp

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    Thanks everyone....interesting answers!! Thanks for being so open...

    Marygirl...I dont think you are bad....but if I met Uncle Bill i would shoot him. Having a little boy of 8...I know if he was touched by an adult before he consented, I would serve life...

    Its never the childs' fault in these situations....but the adult who does it is abhorent...

    Mary....you are brave one.....but sorry girl, your Uncle Bill is/was a coward...

    Dont show me where he lives for fucks sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  18. maryf48

    maryf48 New Member

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    *chuckles* I adore you SexyScorp, you know that?
    Hugsss
     
  19. Joe

    Joe
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    I'm right behind SexyScorp, Mary. My wife was sexually abused by her father from age 2 until age 12, when she could fight him off. My late wife was sexually abused by her alcoholic mother's boyfriend, and my main girlfriend between those two was gang raped by three of her older brothers when she was 6. They were (are) survivors, but they never quite got over the abuse.

    It's common for victims to feel guilty because the abuse sometimes feels pleasurable, but I'm glad to see you've done fine with it. Good for you! *hugs*
     
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