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Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by boobjob, Jun 17, 2013.
Which is more important in a relationship, sex or love?
Its hard to say really. Sex without love, although fun is empty. love without sex is likely doomed, both are equally important in a good relationship.
Why is love without sex doomed? Is this true all the time?
i think it depends on why there would be no sex. if there are physical impediments, but we are still able to have intimate encounters of some kind, i think that would be ok. if there were no physical impediments and one partner just had absolutly no interest and did nothing to even make an attempt at an intimate relationship, and refused to seek help, then that would be a problem. sex is extremely important in our relationship- its a communication vessel as well as a romantic, intimate, ADULT experience that has grown even more important since we had kids. i get antsy after a few days of no sex, and the antsyness leads to testy irritability and sometimes mental withdrawal (not withdrawal from the relationship- its hard to explain, and that only happens when its been more than a week or so since the last time. its more a personal cloud that takes a toll on my depression.)
OK, I am young(ish) but I don't see myself having sex for all my life. Surely sex is not so good when there is less physical attraction? Also, the facts are many women do not want sex in middle age.
I think long term, love is more important. Sex is good but it surely has a time span. I will say this, when I was younger, I was wilder and often did recreational drugs. Now I do not because I feel I have matured beyond that. I had a good time but it is just not for me anymore. So the same could apply to sex. I don't know, I can't see the future but that is an example of something 'fun' that I did but I do not do anymore.
I don't think love of the type you have with a partner can survive with out intimacy but that is different from sex.
I think you may be wise beyond your years.
Love makes sex better. Also, it would be easier for sex to get bad if there wasn't love supporting it and inspiring the couple to work on things. So love is more important.
It's fine for friends and family, but in a marriage, intimacy is an intricate part of a marriage. The ultimate display of love. Not only is it important to the marriage, it's important for your children to see a good, strong bond that can only be achieved through sexual contact.
And minskminx, why is there a shelf life of sex? My wife and I have been having sex for 30 yrs and still going strong. It doesn't have to end if you have a good relationship. We cycle together, hike together, so all sorts of things together. Sex did drop off a bit when she put on weight after our two kids, but she woke up, dropped all of the weight and then some, is 48 and tight and toned. The healthier she got, the more she wanted sex. Sex can keep on going as strong as it was in the beginning if you put a little effort into it.
Best answer and the one I totally agree with
Nope I do not agree here other than maybe the frequency of sex.
Sex is not that much about physical attributes when people love one another deeply.
As you age many things in life get in the way of sex but if you reserve time for intimacy it does not wither and die.
I know of people in their seventies whose hips and joints are seized yet when it comes to sex all is forgotten
I want to be just like that and have only 10 years to go to prove it!
As for women (not all) but some once having reached menopause go rampant although also true some just give up and cease altogether; yet all it really needs is a positive attitude and copious lube
love is the most important, sex is a couples recreation but making love is more than sex. !!
Generally, when it comes to basic human needs, whatever you don't have seems more important.
Can two people be intimate witout having sex regularly?
I don't personally think so. Not on any long term basis.
In my opinion a lot depends on the length - or the desired length - of the relationship. If you desire to be with someone for the long term there has to be love. Sex will fade in the long run just due to aging. Your bodies will change due to aging. You will not look at 65 the way you looked at 20. However, with love you can always see that person as how they looked at 20.
There is also the element of sacrifice. Love is much more sacrificial than sex. Sex tends to focus more on what one desires for oneself. Love tends to focus more on what the other desires. Both are important in a relationship, but the presence of love increases the odds for a long term relationship.
I asked the question because I think it gets to the root of my original question. Intimacy is defined as a close familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. This leaves plenty of room for intimacy without sex. In fact many of my relationships are intimate. On the other hand, only a couple of my sexual relationships have been truly intimate. In one sense the "virtual" relationships here on SF are sexual but not intimate.
So if we can have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex which is the more basic human need. Which (if either of them) makes us human?
Intimacy is universal but together with sex highly selective.
Either can be experienced alone but together is the ultimate!
i wish i didn't know that, but my parents have not been able to have sex in over 5 years. they just celebrated their 32nd anniversary and are happier than they have been in a long time. i know my mom, at least, misses the sex, but they have come up with other ways to be intimate with each other.
there are different degrees of intimacy, intimate friendships are different from intimate loving romantic relationships. if you love the person you are in a romantic relationship with, but sex is not possible for whatever reason, what you make of your relationship is what is important. i pity those who can look no further than sex as intimacy, for they are missing out on quite a bit.
Words to live by.
Love without sex can be good, sex in a loving relationship can be fantastic, but sex with no love is just ho-hom and not so good.