Sex and financial responsibility

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Mittimer, Sep 24, 2010.

  1. Mittimer

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    It's come to my recent attention that some people actually feel it's a sexual partners responsibility to help keep their significant other or fuck buddy, if you will, financially stable.

    I have to completely disagree. The only times I feel it is even remotely a responsibility of the other is when they are in a long term committed relationship. Whether that be a long term boyfriend/girlfriend, a husband/wife, a life partner or if your in the BDSM lifestyle, and you're in a committed ownership.

    Otherwise, If you're just...fuck buddies with a person, if you're just casually dating or even in a relationship that's open to dating other people, you should not be responsible for your sexual partners financial stability. IE: buying them clothing, paying their phone bills, fixing their car or other things, as an adult or independent person they should themselves be responsible for.

    If the sexual partner chooses out of the goodness of their heart to help then that is their choice.

    My questions to everyone are:

    When do you feel it's the responsibility of someone else for your financial actions? When do feel it's necessary for someone who you're with to be your financial crutch?
     
  2. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    I believe the social phenomena you are refering to is that of the "Sugar-Daddy/Momma and Sugar-Baby/Babe" relationship; and in my experience, it is a way for people to try and use a feeling of emotional attachment, reciprocity, and social guilt to squeaze financial assistance out of someone they are supposed to at least feel a little caring towards. If the help is offered, that is one thing, but to try and use a connection as some sort of "Foot in the door technique" to try and extort someone based on their good-will is just wrong.

    My feelings only. Maybe I'm biased.

    ~Steve
     
  3. Mittimer

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    I'm fully aware of what a "Sugar Daddy/Mamma" is. That's not what I'm referring to. Most people in those types of relationships are fully aware that that is their purpose.

    What I'm referring to is when people feel that if you're fucking, then you are financially responsible for said person, or that money should be granted when sex/intimacy is given.

    As similar as the two above statements seem, they are completely different. I hope I'm not the only one who sees that.


    As far as your "biased" opinion. No, not at all. I completely agree with you.
     
  4. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    I agree Steve.

    Me being a man, maybe my view is slightly skewed due to the fact that I feel "programmed" to be independent and "the bread-winner". But I will ALWAYS find a way to support me and my own....without asking any type of friend or fuck-buddy for money. Now let me first say that I HAVE NO fuck-buddy....lol. I'm in a committed relationship and have been for years. But if I DID have one, I wouldn't let em pay for a damn thing. Just how I was raised. The man pays, and the woman doesn't.
     
  5. Mittimer

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    You're saying that you're a man and you feel this way, but I'm a woman. A young woman, nonetheless far from the age of most of you here and I do not under any circumstances feel that I should require anyone to support me.

    I currently am in a very committed relationship with an amazing man to which I'm getting married to in mere months. It took him years to talk me into accepting any type of financial help from him for anything. I hate hate hate taking money from anyone.
     
  6. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Well that's the way you should be Mitt! When in a relationship, like I am and you are also, it's a bit different in my view. Once a relationship is clearly established, then the entire dynamic changes and one shouldn't get too carried away over who pays.

    My post above was simply about a casual-sex type relationship. Not a committed relationship.
     
  7. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    I expect any woman I am in any-term relationship with the be independently financially stable. I just think that's part of being an adult and is a clear marker of personal responsibility and maturity. Now, if I'm ever to be engaged or married, I have ever intention of handling the finances in the home. Like Michelle I was raised to be the head of the household and to take care of my family.
    This does NOT mean:
    1. I, man, go to work. You, woman, stay home.
    2. I handle all finances and make all decisions without consulting or considering all you have to say and think about everything.
    3. I am the only bread-winner in the household.

    This DOES mean:
    1. I will wake up every day and go to work and provide for my family.
    2. I will handle the financial decisions and make it my business to do all the required research, planning, allocation, investing, worrying, etc... that goes along with it, because my family doesn't need that kind of stress. I'll allocate a budget so they have an idea of where we stand, but I don't ever want them worrying about our financial state.
    3. I am a subtantial bread winner in the house. This means that if all else goes wrong, I can support my family alone. That said, I want a wife who is a hard worker and motivated to do something with her life. The extra financial stability is a big plus.

    And I'm sorry, but no one that is NOT in a steady, exclusive, and committed relationship with me deserves this kind of consideration and care.

    * Based on what you've said, I think we're in agreement.
    ~Steve
     
  8. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Yeah Steve....good points all around. I agree with everything you've said above.
     
  9. luvbug

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    I agree with everything that has been said. Im in a committed relationship ATM....I use to work until I lost my job....now the SO works..I stay home..fighting for my unemployment. I do a few odd jobs around for a little extra spending money.....but my SO and I agreed that I would stay home..draw my unemployment......and hopefully my town will be getting a new business by July and hopefully I will get on there.

    I dont do casual relationships....no FWB for me....but even if i did...I wouldnt expect the guy to pay my bills..give me money etc. Thats just not right.

    Hope my rambling made a little bit of sense.lol
     
  10. Hot Wheels

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    Whilst I agree with the majority of the points made so far......
    I'd be inclinded to think that the above comment kinda' negates a lot of it...
    As most would agree, every relationship is as different as the people involved in it and I think it's really up to the individual as to how they choose to deal with the financial aspects of FWB style relationships.:shrug
     
  11. Northside

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    While I never had a woman I was screwing ask for money, I have found that if they know you are financially stable, they act differently. In my younger wilder days, if I brought a gal back to my house, I'd tell her that I was just house sitting for my brother and I just got this new job. I told them we had to get out of the house early in the morning. Those chicks would turn me every way but loose. If they knew I had a few bucks, it was more of the "I'm not that kind of a girl" routine. Strippers would spend a ton of money on me, if they thought I was just a poor biker!
     
  12. Sexwork

    Sexwork New Member

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    I understand what you all are saying, but its not about 'financial responsibility'. Now, I can see the aspect of "if you're just fuck buddies, then why should so and so be supporting him/her when so and so is probabaly screwing with everyone else?"

    But, it goes a bit deeper than that. I know how men like to be persistant in their desire to get what they want...that being sex. And I also know that on today's way on online 'hooking up', many of these men are lonely or work long hours and the only thing they have time for is sex. I know it from experience. They dont have time to take their date to dinner (or be taken), they dont have time to do anything beyond picking them up, fucking them and then dropping them off at home.

    My philosophy is this: If you dont want to go anywhere casual, if you dont want to get involved with me, cant take me out to a bar or club to introduce me to your friends and treat me like the social human being that I am...then they got to pay up! I see 0 point in giving them all my sex so they can lay back and get delivery service to their home.

    People who allow themselves to get engaged in those type of nothing relationships are people with no self-esteem, never used to having or getting anything from men, never used to having much, and the people they surround themselves with dont teach them the value of sex.

    And Im not just pointing fingers, I dont even date or hookup if I cannot afford to take a guy to atleast a movie, bar or something. Its never walk in, strip, and go (unless, Im getting compensated of course)
     
  13. JimmyBeans

    JimmyBeans New Member

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    If you think either sex, or your and your partners gender has any bearing on financial responsibility you're a loony.

    Short of some sort of reciprocal arrangement (ie housewife/husband), people are responsible for themselves.

    If one of a partner makes a bit more and wants to be generous, well that's their business, but it is never the other partners right to expect it.

    For what it's worth, I was taught that the man pays, but I was also taught that the woman doesn't handle the man's money, and knows how to cook, clean and sew.

    When I put aside the second lot of assumptions, I also put aside any responsibility to keep a woman in any sort of lifestyle just because of my gender


    (in an amendment for the sake of Sexwork - if it is okay with both partners to exchange cash or gifts for sweet intimacy, hey whatever flows for you. I'm totally okay with being someone's crumpet for cash)
     
    #13 JimmyBeans, Oct 3, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2010
  14. Reflect169

    Reflect169 New Member

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    I am the 'breadwinner' in my relationship, my partner makes what he can, but he is studying for the moment. My two children stay with us 50% of the time.

    as far as financials go, we act as a family, within our social group too. if I'M making money, WE'RE making money. we don't really play the 'who's round is it' game, its more a case of, someone just going to the bar, whilst someone else starts the juke box, and another sets up the pool table. i have been brought up with a view on money as a thing you share with your family (again referring to my close friends). especially in this recession we now find ourselves slowly crawling out of, there are many times where 1 of us has been unemployed, and has received financial support, also where one has found themselves needing a place to crash, and we've found that 4 of us are staying in the same house, with 2 kids half the week.
    if i were say, in a sexual relationship with a member of our close group, then chances are, the wealth would be shared, this is not to say anyone would expect anything.

    Mitt, the people who think these things are obviously oblivious to any other sort of relationship, or completely confused about social standings. I'm a little shocked that people would think that. If you are needing to be supported, try get a job, or find a sugar daddy/mommy if your that god damned lazy......on the other hand, if you can already support yourself, and are yet expecting someone who only see's you in a sexual nature to pay for your way in life, you need a wake up call.

    to my point...(wow, sorry about that)
    i expect a man to buy me a drink, and maybe a meal if we're getting along well and sleeping together, if he pays for the taxi home and drives me places, or offers any other kind of help, such as calling me when im down, i see it as a huge bonus, a gentleman.
    when im in a relationship, i try to take my partner out as well as him take me out. however, as soon as they wish to become emotionally invested in my children (only 1 has, as ive never met anyone else ive cared for enough to want them to get involved in my kids, so they've never met them) thats where it becomes a haze of who's money is paying for us to go to the zoo, who is paying for the christmas presents, basically, we dont care.

    my god, i do go on.


    also....my ratty had 10 babies this morning :D
     
  15. Dragon_Fire

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    Congratulations Mrs Rat. :D
     
  16. Reflect169

    Reflect169 New Member

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    she says thankyou for the well wishes,lol!
     
  17. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    This is something my wife is struggling with at the moment. Our daughter was born recently so my wife is staying at home raising her. My wife is absolutely HATING being at home with us on one wage. She is a fiercely independent woman and she has often said she feels bad about staying at home at the moment. She won't be at home forever, only while our daughter is young, but she's studying now. She says studying makes her feel like she's contributing more as she'll be able to go after higher paying jobs when she goes back into the workforce.

    Mittimer, while I haven't personally found a person like the one you described in your first post, a few of my single mates have said they've ended short term affairs because their fuck buddies started demanding financial assistance for general living expenses after only being together a matter of weeks. They were talking about this very topic only recently and mentioned it seems to be becoming more frequent they're meeting people with this sort of attitude.
     
  18. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    MB,

    That is truly depressing about your "aquaintences" and their attitudes toward relationships.

    I don't like to Brag...
    ...screw that I love to brag. I'm with a woman who is stereotypically gorgeous. I don't know anyone who's ever seen her and not said that she was beautiful. She could definitely get by on her looks if she wanted to and it wouldn't even be hard for her. So you know what she does? The exact opposite. She dresses down when she goes into work. She covers herself up and wears things that don't draw attention so that she'll be taken more seriously in her office and will get what's rightfully coming to her instead of unwarranted favor because of how she looks.

    I just don't understand how some people can value themselves so little. It's really just classy prostitution that their aspiring toward. It's depressing to see.

    ~Steve
     
  19. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    SW,

    Totally understand what you're saying. How they live their life is not for me. I'm recently married to (I think) the most beautiful woman in the world, we both love our daughter and I couldn't be happier.

    Their point of view is they've either paid off their house or are very close to it, the mates I'm talking about aren't really suited to long term relationships and they're tight-arses. All this combined means they are really not very tolerant if the girl they've just started seeing needs financial help within weeks of them starting to go out together. I've always thought it's a very shallow existence, but to each his own.

    How they choose to live their life I can not change, I just know I'm happy with mine. I suspect they'll end up old and alone living in the house they've paid off, with not much else to show for their time on Earth.