[Ask a Girl] Sex after 60

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Albert, Oct 31, 2017.

  1. Albert

    Albert Member

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    My wife is 60 we been married 22 years she has always liked sex wasn't afraid to try any thing. She has put on several pounds buy is still attractive to me but she wants nothing to do with sex. She doesn't even like using her vibrators any more. Just wanted to hear what the older ladies like and dislike. Would love to make her cum like she used too
     
  2. cincy

    cincy Member

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    My wife is over 60 and she does not have as many orgasms as she did when she was 20, but she's good for about 8 to 10 orgasms a month with the help of her magic wand.
     
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  3. privatepartner

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    I guess after reading this forum, Craigslist and personal experience I can see why older guys want younger women.

    I know you shouldn't generalize but there definitely seems to be a pattern of older women losing interest for one reason or another.

    With that said there are some order women my age on SF that I would love to bump into under the sheets, on the sheets, standing up, kneeling down, wherever, whenever @sankay and @Katkitty or both at the same time ( devil horns)
     
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  4. Katkitty

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    I am on SF for nearly 1 year. Had private conversations with many senior men about this subject: wife is not interested or less interested in sex anymore. Every time when I hear this my heart is bleeding and I wished I could help him. In my opinion sex is like food, beverage and air for a human being. My advice is always to go to a family physician first and later on to a sexual specialist. They can prescribe medicine and / or therapy. You have to keep on talking both about your sexuality. Maybe SF had threads about this subject before, I never checked this, but it's worth investigating this. This site is called Sexual Forums to be a platform for this kind of discussions. I wanted to post my opinion already much earlier but I was always afraid to offend people because it should be much easier to ventilate my thoughts in Dutch language.
     
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  5. lbushwalker

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    There is a lot to be said about “use it or lose it” in this matter.
    Even as a man I have experienced this yo some degree when I was away from my SO for a year.
     
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  6. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    Many men have a genuine sexless marriage, even after having tried to change that.

    Many have it because they're not interesting lovers and women get tired of bad sex.

    And many, but really a lot, lie about it. They do get sex at home. It's the kind of sex they loved before seeing things in porn and reading about people's "imaginary" experiences on forums like this. Imaginary, because I think 99% of what people claim to do on the Internet is as false as the number of inches they claim their cocks measure.

    The wife still wants sex. The sex they used to have and was good enough. But the guy wants to try things. Most things many men (I'm not saying *all*) want to try aren't really in the interest of women's pleasure. Ejaculating on her face, being violent, like spanking, anal (I happen to love it, but many women AND men, don't) and other stuff that looks like fun on porn, because actresses are paid to make it look like they're orgasming when doing it.

    When we age, desire and sex can be challenging. A non neglectible part of it is feeling inadequate. Either because our bodies change, seldom for the better, or because a partner makes us feel inadequate for wanting that we don't wish to give/do.

    But it isn't only women who change.

    Men change, too. And many will have problems keeping an erection. Then they'll look for something that can make them 20 years old again, erection-wise. That's one of the reasons many older men look for much younger women. It's the women they used to have sex with 30 years ago, when they were also 20 and their erections worked just fine.

    When many (I didn't say *all*) men tell you about their lack of sex home in a pm, it can be just a pity line to get the attitude you describe, wanting to help them. The online version of a pity fuck.

    In real life, many men will say they're not having sex at home to justify their infidelity when trying to convince you to have sex with them. The common lies:
    *I'm separated, but we live in the same house for the kids
    *we haven't had sex in *insert duration*
    *she's having an affair

    These are all pick up lines I was served online and in real life.

    Don't forget what you are for many of these men (I didn't say *all* men):
    -online: someone to play their fantasies with, swap pictures with, watch them masturbate or help them with it
    -in real life: a pussy they want to fuck

    We'll only ever hear one side of a story, here. You may assume it's all true. You may read it with a smile assuming it is wishful thinking, or a pick up line, depending on what it is he's saying. Just human nature.

    _____________
    Now, to the OP.

    Some of us like to try things, but not to repeat them. I'm like that.

    If you've been trying many things in the past, perhaps you've already covered all the things she was willing to do. What's left may be too extreme for her.

    She may be more self-conscious about her body changes than you realize. Then simple things like costumes and some lingerie may feel daunting.

    It could be that the simple fact you've been willing to try certain things may have made her feel inadequate, like she's not enough for you and can't satisfy you, no matter what she'd do. Like the thought that there's an escalation. No matter what she'll do, you'll come up wanting something more.

    My man is like that. I'm afraid of proposing any experience to him, because he fears escalation. He fears that, if we do something different, I'll keep wanting even more different things. He fears if we'd do something different, instead of having to try it only once, I'd *need* it everytime we'd have sex. He fears he can't satisfy me, like he's not good enough and I always need more. Some of his fears are unfounded. Some are not. But that's another story.

    Women don't have as many testosterone as man. That's why so many say sex is a lot in our minds. We work harder than a man to feel desire and pleasure, because we don't have testosterone in the amounts even a man low in testosterone has.

    Some women take testosterone and other hormones to boost their sexual life and it may work well for them. But some don't want to take the risks involved in using these drugs. I'm one of them.

    Think of that: many women took the pill for most of their lives with all the consequences of it. Now they're told taking HRT may increase their likelihood of having breast cancer. For a woman who's already feeling less of a woman, the thought she may have to undergo a mastectomy is just too much. I have small breasts and they were never really important as one of my seduction tools. But I'll do anything I can to keep them.

    Some of us struggle with hair. Facial hair, hair on legs, etc. Taking testosterone can make that problem worse. If you're already feeling unattractive, you won't want that.

    I think men can do a lot to sparkle our desire. In simple things. I don't need to do extremes I see in porn to feel happy. I need to feel sexy. I need to feel good about my body. I need to be left alone on those days I'm not in the mood. I need to feel I'm good enough for my man. I need to feel sex isn't a burden, or an endless thing.

    About that. Many older men (I'm not saying *all* men) need a lot more to orgasm. Sex may have become too long for a woman who may get sore earlier in a session than she used to.

    I have sex with men my age who have some erectile issues, or just need that extra something to cum. Some of them take viagra before a meeting and go for endless pumping, as if my vagina could take the abuse. I like short sessions for a reason. No endless pumping on me. It hurts.

    Perhaps you need more now, than you used to. Perhaps she's put off sex, because she knows what used to be 15 minutes and she could do for you, even when she wasn't in the mood, now will be endless. It'll hurt her. Then she'd rather not. It's too long.

    Another thing. Many men express here ideas that women should cum first and many times before a man cums. I disagree with that. Do you feel like sex after an orgasm? I don't. I need a break. I can have a few orgasms in one session, sometimes, but most times, one is plenty.

    If I'm having sex with a man who'll never cum, because he thinks I need to cum many times before him, I'll be bored, tired and possibly sore. That's one of the reasons I actually prefer to give him an orgasm before my own. I'm not there to give him a show. I'm there for our mutual pleasure, and a big part of my pleasure is making him cum. I don't want to have to wait hours for it. It's 20-30 min tops, tops, or I'll move on to something more dynamic, like playing solitaire. 10-15 min is better.

    Your wife probably doesn't need to cum like she did when she was younger. She needs to cum like she can do now. Think of it, are you exactly like you were when you were 20? Why do you expect her to be?

    We age. It's a fact of life. We can adapt to the best we can do and be at the age we are, or we can be forever unhappy trying to pursue a youth we can't possibly get back.

    Perhaps all these women who go off sex, like yours, need is a man who accepts they're not 20 anymore.

    I used to do many things in the past. Things I can't do anymore. I used to run faster and longer. My knees can't handle it anymore. I adapt my speed, the length and the expectations of my runs. If a man wants to run with me, but it's willing me to run like last year, he doesn't really wants to run with *me*.

    She's aging and so are you.

    I hope you two can find a way to enjoy your sexuality in spite of being older.
     
  7. privatepartner

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    I agree with many things you have laid out here nobody knows for sure what is happening in someone else's home. What I know from personal experience is that things change and when they are not discussed it will cause conflict or spouses to pull away from each other.
    For example we swapped for a period of time and it came to a halt. No reason why, no discussion nothing it just stopped. Once a man maybe even women are used to doing things and then it stops they want an explanation so they can work through it or figure it out. I think once you decide to get married you have a responsibility to openly discuss things with your spouse if your man or woman are changing or wanting change it should be discussed with nothing hidden if you can't tell a spouse off 22 years everything you have no business being married for 22 years because it was not a relationship that was honest and open.
    I can say this because I have a spouse of 34 years that does not want to communicate about certain things she wants to keep them to herself. That's fine but it is causing issues that after all this time has me looking elsewhere for companionship. You can like that statement or hate it I could care less what others think. I would much rather have the woman that would not let me sleep when we first got together because she wanted sex all the time. So if life changes happen they should be discussed if not then you are open to a failed marriage.
    Can I have sex non-stop anymore hell no but that doesn't mean I don't want to have an affectionate woman in my home. If the affection is gone I am gone and we personally are rounding that bend and it sucks because I love this woman and always will but I won't accept a roommate versus a lover.
    I wanted to make this a real life situation so you can understand maybe some guys are lying about their situation but many are not.
     
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  8. privatepartner

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    @sensless After contemplating your response I found one part that got me thinking and that was the part of not being an interesting lover. I for one on this forum have come right out and said I think I sucked in bed until I was in my 30's because before that it was all about me.
    I am the type of person that will read online different things to try to continue to improve as a person and as a lover. I have had very open discussions with people from SF about just these things and trying to understand why my wife might be doing this or that and yes I have tried talking with my wife about it first.
    When you talk about what men see online and then they think it should be part of their sexual adventures at home and it sounded like that was a bad thing. I think you made it clear that what you see online is not real in many cases it's acting.
    Knowing my spouse there are places I will not go with her because she hasn't even remotely come close to many other things far less offensive I guess would be the word to use. But I think people should be trying to improve their sex lives and marriages by reading as much as they can and weeding through what could help them personally.
     
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