self-esteem in relationships...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by KoenigNazgul, Feb 10, 2004.

  1. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

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    It has been said, and I quote:

    "Only after you have learned to love yourself and develop effective communication skills is success in relationships probable."-Person to Person-

    I just wanted to hear people's opinions on this. Anything that pertains to self-esteem and how it may be interwoven into relationships would be interesting to hear. Do you believe that the best kind of relationship is one where each partner has a good definition of self? or that a relationship where a partner has poor self esteem is destined to encouter problems?
     
  2. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    Hi,
    As I've stated before, I've been married twice..My first marriage was a Disaster. My ex beat my ass several times a week...usually when he was drunk!
    It took a toll on my self esteem...He'd tell me things like that I was fat and ugly and that I couldn't find better than him, that I was stupid..and hurtful things like that. I listen to this for four years.
    Then my new hubby comes along and it took him nearly 1.5 years to totally convince me that he TRULY loved me! Self Esteem is VERY important...When I first got married to husband 2 I was VERY needy and Clingy...now 5 year's later, I have opened up to a totally different life. I am independant, I no long believe I NEED a man to take care of me! As I can fend for myself!

    All of that is because of Self Esteem and Confidence!

    :) Vampie
     
  3. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    My partner (who is in lying in bed with me as I type this) says "You can gain self-esteem by being in a relationship with someone who is secure in themselves." Of course they need to be the secure non-violent, non-agressive sort... In fact perhaps this only works if the person with high self-esteem is the "giving" sort of person as well - not a "high self-esteem + selfish" sort.

    But in general I agree with the statement.
     
  4. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    That is beautiful Farspark!
    :) Vampie
     
  5. Logger

    Gold Member

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    I have spent some effort on increasing my communication skills. Listening to my partner's ideas and beliefs is a good first step.

    Presenting my ideas in as palatable a manner as possible is another important step, involving communication.

    The object is to come to as much agreement on issues as possible, and then create a framework for independent activities that is maximally compatible with the relationship.

    Encountering resistance from your partner to your ideas sets the stage for conflict. Ideally, there would be interim agreements to preserve the relationship, until the disagreemetns can be ironed out.

    "The Love Diet" is a book of tips for men written by a woman, on how to feed a woman love, and let her blossom.

    For relatinships with a partner having troble with substance abuse, many have reported the tough love approach from Al-Anon has been helpful.
     
  6. dabody

    dabody New Member

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    I think that statement is quite true. I'm not saying that people with lower self esteem can't be involved in a great loving relationship that works well for both parties. But, I think if a person is content with being the person they are, they are less likely to question whether they're good enough for their partner. Not to say that doubts won't ever occur, but it should be less of an issue than it would be with someone with low self esteem. I also agree that being in a relationship with a certain type of person can help someone with low self esteem. Eg, if the partner treats them well, compliments them etc, it will build up their confidence and self esteem. However, sometimes, if that couple break up, low esteem problems may resurface if that person's confidence was solely built around their partner and not through theirself. Hopefully you peeps will get the gist of what I'm saying...