Seeking female opinions..was i wrong for asking for advice from other women?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by frankunderwood88, May 30, 2015.

  1. frankunderwood88

    frankunderwood88 New Member

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    Ok, so it all started back when I was a senior in high school. I came from a rather small town, and people were super close minded there, including my parents. A few people had came out of the closet, but not many. Anyways, I would notice myself checking out other men's penile regions during P.E. I didnt think much of it at the time, as I thought it was normal and that I was just comparing the size of my penis to other guys.

    Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and I noticed that I started becoming more curious about anything that involved the penis. From giving oral sex, to getting anal..the curiosity grew by the day. I started looking at bi and gay porn on occasion, and that just made the fantasies more intense, more vivid. Fast forward a couple years, and I meet my wife. Urges are still there, and trying to push them away. I began to seek the advice from her female friends after we graduated from college. I didnt know how to handle my thoughts, and thought it was a good idea at the time.

    The sad thing was, it ended up costing my wife and i the friendship with her best female friend from college. The girl was in our wedding too. Apparently she didnt appreciate me talking to her before my wife. Anyways, presently I am in therapy for all of this, and my wife and I have spoken a few times about things..but its always kinda akward. It has been discussed twice. Once after she found out i had spoken to other women, and the second was after i had trouble performing during sex.
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Yes, you were wrong to drag her friend in the middle of your problems. Why not just be honest with yourself and your wife? You must trust her if you married her.
     
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  3. frankunderwood88

    frankunderwood88 New Member

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    Well, i was super close with the female friend as well. I wanted to get advice on how to proceed with telling her, etc. But, i agree it wasnt a smart decision.
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

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    It should not have been done with her friend(s), and while I am not judging with the next comments and questions, I am saying this for anyone else who might be in the same situation: if a man has a strong attraction, why go get attached with a woman???
    Unless you are bi, but if you are rather on the homosexual side, why ignored and repress your nature???
    Causing hurt and hardship to your wife, yourself, and like many, they had kids, should not have happened in my opinion BECAUSE they are the ones who usually pay the most, directly and as collateral; that's what it is. Nothing wrong with a gay parent who is loving with their kids, but having them going through this after tried to hide and repress their homosexual nature / desires, enough said.
    In this day and age with so much being said out there, a person should know where he / she stands before getting married if there are any doubts. That was my DEAR ABBY answer.
     
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  5. Candela

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    I dont think it mattered one bit at how close you were to these other women,The woman you were marrying should have been made a priority about how you felt,Im sure she felt betrayed,Confused and in total disbelief when she found out.I also don't blame you for seeking out who you really are..Lots of couples have a bi partner and they do fine,Dont think its the end of the world because if you lose someone who says they will love you till the bitter end,Well,In a way,You with your feelings and her with hers...Tell me..Who broke the commitment...(For better or worse)
     
  6. billytk1977

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    Only time i ask a female friend for advice first was the last time. Me and my wife were dating and i went from having a three year old son to being with a woman with three aged 9-15. I was having a hard time as the oldest were not always respectful to mom and dad was not there to do anything as he was traveling at the time. Anyway i had a friend from another forum named bottomsup, me and her had talked both online and on phone, she is a sweetheart. Never anything romantic, just became friends. Anyway i was having a though time understanding teenitus and she and her husband had teens so i ask her for advice, before i talked to my wife who was my gf at the time. When she found out i was talking to her she got pissed and i did not see her for a couple days. I honesty thought it was over but at the time i did not understand why. She finally called and "demanded" an explanation. While i was not sure what was wrong i told her i would be happy to talk but her demand would not be tolerated and i would not be treated like that. She conceded that was not the best approach and we talked. I told her why i had talked to my old friend and what it was about, hell, i even showed her the emails to verify the truth of my words. Honesty i got lucky that she was willing to talk, that could have ended it for us. Her only question at the end of that conversation was why dident you talk to me. I explained that i did not want to hurt her feelings if i was looking at it wrong, and that i wanted an opinion before i brought it up to her. Since then i understand that she was upset cuz i bypassed her to talk to another, and while i still seek opinions of others, i always talk to her first. And she does the same with me. Truth is, there is nothing wrong for seeking assistance from others, but you need to speak to so first.
     
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