Second thoughts?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Jayce, Oct 28, 2006.

  1. Jayce

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    I've met a girl a little bit ago, and as of recently we've been hanging out a lot. We've had a lot of fun together, and a lot of the time it's seemed destined that we'll eventually get together. But sometimes I'm not sure.

    To clarify a little more, she's very open with me. She's honest, cares about what I think, talks to me about problems, etc. We've talked about everything together, and very open. Anything from periods to sex to past relationships to changing oil in vehicles, etc.

    So from a relationship standpoint, she seems like a good candidate. Now I'm not looking for a piece of ass... but quite frankly if I got with her I know our sex life would be interesting. She's teased me a bit online and talked openly about what her favorite things are in the bedroom.

    So we've established two things. A: She'd definitely bring a lot to the table when it comes to being a faithful, honest significant other. B: She'd definitely bring a lot to the bedroom too.

    Yet for some reason at times I second guess things. Maybe I'm trying to find the little things to blame my second guessing on. Perhaps the fact that sometimes when she's getting into explaining something she doesn't realize she's talking louder than normal, maybe it's her new york accent, but I'm not sure. Yet if I turn around and look at my previous relationship, she was the SAME way. She'd get so wrapped up in talking about something I'd have to remind her that she's nearly shouting. So I guess in essence, this new girl is similar to my ex as far as her exclamatory style. But that's not a bad thing...

    Maybe I'm still too used to my ex. My ex gf had the ability to look like a 14 year old girl in pigtails, or a 32 year old college professor. I haven't really seen that in the new girl. But then again, all we've done is gone to movies on cold nights where we've both dressed up like bums, lol.

    I'm thinking what we need is a nice dinner together. Get real dressed up together, go out, talk, etc. Maybe all I need is to see that she has a girlie side, then I'd be more confident?

    Hmm I don't know. Just looking for any input really.
     
  2. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    It sounds as though she is generally acceptable to you as a date but has charateristics such as shouting while talking that you find unattractive. If I am reading you posting correctly you are struggling with keeping her as a friend and wanting to take the relationship to the next step? Plus you are not sure if she is your type?

    From the sounds of it I do not think your being still attached to your ex or being used to your ex is impacting your ability to move this relationship to the next step. Reading your posting it sounds as though she is not your type but has some characteristics that you find attractive. I have been in a similar situation and it was quite messy. Long story short, I been friends with this woman who was a few years older than myself. We shared allot of common interests but she really was not my type. Instead of being loud in your case, she was very clingly and dependent which drove me nuts. Things well lets say progressed to where we actually did it. It was probably the least enjoyable sex I have had and she wanted to be couple. After doing it with her I knew at that point things could not progress, she really struggled with that and went mental on me. Luckily things settled down afterwards but I would not put myself in that situation again.

    If she is really not your type then do not progress the relationship. Keep her as a friend, keep it friendly, and maybe if she refines herself it might be possible to give it another shot. However I would not take it any further.
     
  3. Jayce

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    Yeah. I'm not sure. It's weird because the things I find unattractive to her are basically the same things I found unattractive to my ex, yet I spent five happy years with my ex. And the thing I love about this girl is she actually CARES to see me. My ex, I'm sure she cared, but there were times I'd be like "Okay so, when can I see you again, it's been four weeks you know" and she'd be like "Well I'm sorry, but I'm fine. This may sound cold, but I'm fine with not seeing you every week."

    So the fact that this girl loves devoting time to me is just an amazing feeling. At first I thought she was clingy too. I was like oh no this isn't good she'll be all over me what do I do blah blahhhhhhhhhh but then I simply talked to her and said to her I wanted some space. Guess what? I was gazing down at the biggest smile and most innocent pair of brown eyes I'd ever seen in my life and she simply said that's absolutely fine, I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do nor make you feel uncomfortable.

    So, YEAH at first I thought she was clingy too and it wouldn't be a good match, but then she treated me like that which made me feel 100x more important and 100x more understood. It felt great.

    But like I said, the things I DO find unattractive to her, are the SAME things I found unattractive with my ex.

    The more I think about it, I think it's because I haven't seen a real girlie side to her yet. So far everytime I've hung out with her we've been in sweats and going to the movies, but it's been so damn cold around here and we've always gotten together at last minute it's hard to get into anything more dressy. But I think I'll ask her to dinner sometime this week, leaving a few days ahead of time, and encourage that we get a little dressed up. Maybe if I can look across the table and be able to talk to her for an extensive time while she's dolled up in something other than jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, maybe then I'd be more suseptable to go through with this.

    Like I said, I feel convinced I want to be with her. Yet at certain times I'm just not sure.
     
  4. Joe

    Joe
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    I think a formal date would be an excellent idea, Jayce. You're still getting to know her and she you. It's too early to be making decisions on how long or how far you want the relationship to go. Take little steps and get to know each other in different environments.

    I wasn't too sure about my late wife at times when we first started seeing each other. I loved being with her, but at times she was just "so not my kind." I changed a little; she changed a little. We ended up with the greatest love affair imaginable. My current wife and I were a little that way too. She was/is an aging hippie and I was a country club type in a suit and vest. Now, after seven years together, we're a perfect match. I love her dearly and can't imagine having more fun with anyone.
     
  5. Jayce

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    Yeah, I think that's what we'll do. Get all dolled up and go out for dinner.

    Thanks for the input Joe.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    For sure have a date, but she doesn't sound like your type. I always liked girls who were quiet and thoughtful, like me, cause something inside me was telling me that I couldn't have a permanent relationship with someone way different, personality-wise.

    So all my girlfriends were a little like me, and a little different too. It is the similarities that help a relationship, but it a relationship needs some differences between partners so it can grow and develop. But not way too different, and I think this is what you are subconciously realising.
     
  7. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    The best cure for an old love is a new love! Give it a spin! Every dinner partner, or sex partner doesn't have to turn into a wife! Or even a long term gf! Every single person on this planet earth is so damned different one from another! I mean that in a good way! The thrill of a new relationship is discovering the new types of joy you can share together!
     
  8. Jayce

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    Well, that's why I'm not sure. The places that she's different and that I'm questioning are the places where she's IDENTICLE to my ex. So that's why I'm wondering if I'm even giving her a fair chance. And I've always liked a girl who can really change herself in a short time. For example, have a deep thoughtful conversation one minute, and be wild and crazy the next. She definitely is one of those people.
     
  9. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Sounds pretty cool to me! How's her bod?
     
  10. Jayce

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    She's a good looking girl. She's got soft brown eyes that just glue to me, a cute smile, and a decent body. Full C up above, and overall pretty fit. She's been working for a while to get even more trim. She's been going to the gym 3 days a week for a while now.
     
  11. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Me in your shoes, I'd nail her 'till she saw stars! And I'd figure out the other issues later! Sex teaches you a lot about a person!
     
  12. Jayce

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    I think she's still kind of nervous around me. Mostly because I know how much she likes me, and I think she tries to watch herself TOO MUCH around me that she sometimes doesn't come off as being "herself."

    I told her I wanted a little space and she granted it happily, and I know it's hard for her because I can see it she just wants to be with me and I still want some extra room yet.

    Dinner is on for this week. :D She explained to me she's not the skirtsy/dressy type, she prefers long black dress pants more than anything. She told me she has a few skirts, but with how cold it's been she'd rather not be an ice cube from the waist down - and quite frankly, I wouldn't want that either!
     
  13. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Do a low-key not too expensive place. A pricey joint makes the girl think you are considering marriage! Be sure it quiet enough for good conversation. And do an after dinner drink at her place. That lets you keep a little distance. And remember, sex tears down barriers! Expect to get a deeper glympse into her soul.
     
  14. Jayce

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    Yeah. I figured we'd go to a texas restaurant, something like Outback Steakhouse or Texas Roadhouse, etc. There's not too many overly pricey restaurants around here.

    And I don't think we'd ever have sex without talking about it. However, we have talked about it already, hahaha. She's a very open girl, and we were talking about past relationships and stuff. The topic came up to how far we've went, and the conversation took off.

    But we're really open about anything. And quite frankly, a few nights ago, as well as tonight, the conversation has gotten a bit more and more in depth, and we'd actually start seductively talking to each other. Then we'd end the conversation by saying we're going to go take care of our little "problem".

    She told me she considers herself to be a horny gal, and likes to masturbate pretty frequently. She said if she doesn't she finds herself getting tense during the day and stressed easily. Then again, don't we all? But by saying she's a horny gal, I'm not saying she gets around. She told me she's only been with one person, who is her ex boyfriend. Besides that she relies on the good ole fingers.

    But yeah. Like I said, just not sure. I know if we got together, before we did anything we'd get tested just to be positive. Otherwise I'd probably suck in bed, with the distant paranoia of thinking "what if..." But as mentioned, if we got together I know our physical life would be great. That's one thing my last relationship lacked, and it really put a damper on things. So if I got with her, I know this time it'd be great. But I don't know... I guess I'll just take things slow, step at a time, and see what happens.

    I think dinner will be the real turning point, whether it be for the better or worse. We'll see!
     
  15. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    In MY opinion............if you were really open with her, you'd talk to HER about this...... And you know I love you, dude. Stop planning so much, and live it. You already learned that planning it all doesn't make it hurt any less.
     
  16. Jayce

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    Yeah I thought about that. I'm not too sure how I'd talk to her about it though.

    "Hey I like you but I'm not really sure maybe we should be friends?"

    :shrug
     
  17. AnonymousOne

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    Dude Jayce ....
    [​IMG]
     
  18. Joe

    Joe
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    In my opinion Jayce, you're stressing too much about whether or not she'll be "the one". Just enjoy the gal's company, and if you both end up in bed together, enjoy that. Hopefully she'll do likewise.

    "I think dinner will be the real turning point, whether it be for the better or worse. " This is the kind of thinking that puts stress on you. It's just not necessary at this point.