Scaling back your emotions

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ice Cold, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I am currently dating a lady who i like a lot, practically love, but i feel i am gettin too invested emotionally too soon. We've been dating pretty heavy for 4 months, spend a couple nights out the week together and chat everyday.


    my question is, for this relationship and possibly future ones, how do you hold back your emotions so you dont get too attached too easy? i wear my heart on my sleeve, and with women who i dont find slutty or on my level ambition wise and scholastically, i've have a tendency to not hold back...
     
  2. Alwayslearningsex

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    If you wear your emotions the way you say then it has to be a conscious choice to put walls up, but keep in mind this can bite you in the ass too.
    You are who you are, make a choice to open your emotions or be distant.
    I am not one who is best at separating connection, emotions and relationships with a woman and being with someone for no good reason doesn't work for me. So I see what you mean.
     
  3. CosmicEye

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    Eh, I dont let real emotions flow until maybe 9 months in. Then again I dont think I would marry any shorter than 4 years. I just hate when either man or woman says I love you too early. Just hold it off and let things be for a little while longer, then have a talk.. like a perfomance evaluation lol.
     
  4. Meee

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    I don't think four months is too soon or rushed or something. I don't think it would be good if you were still holding back your emotions after four whole months. If you did, she'd be wondering by now when you were giong to start showing how you felt.
     
  5. Trond

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    Um, what happened to just being yourself?
     
  6. lbushwalker

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    Why hold back emotions?
    Beats me as I never have yet!
     
  7. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    im listening to my friends, and they say i need to slow down. she also wants to take things slow cause i am the first guy shes dated longer than 2 months, just cause she has always been focused on her studies and career, but i am a passionate guy and i like giving my all. Her innocent charm really disarmed me and i kinda fell for her, i am afraid i am gonna be too intense and scare her off, even tho she says i sound and act like a perfect guy out of a romance novel :)
     
  8. CosmicEye

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    You should take is slow then. If it hits off years from now then no point in scaring her or smothering her away now. Just be payient and it will come
     
  9. backcheck64

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    You should have some sense of how she feels, do you get these feelings in return or "does she need some space"? If she is having similar feelings and you guys connect on multiple levels.....why hold back. She may be the one. If you hold back, you could loose one of the best things in your life. I do support waiting for anything like marriage for a minimium of two years, my wife and I dated 5 yrs, partly because I was in college, but it worked for us.
     
  10. pbs

    pbs
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    I didn't know that emotions were something we had any control of, only how we react when we feel them. Try just treating her like you love her, without telling her, and see if she treats you in the same way. Remember it's the little things that may go unnoticed that will mean the most to her.
     
  11. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    She is very receptive, and also very giving in her own way. I hesitate cause she doesnt have a strong example of a loving partnership, as she holds much resentment towards her father for not being there. She has opened up shown me that she has to alllow herself to let me in because she doesnt trust most men to much because of him.

    The drawbacks of this is that she puts success over relationships in her mind, but her actions allow her to put me over her career goals, I am aware of this so I dont let her do that often, and I always encourage her to use my laptop when she visits, as just hangin out with her is fun enough... Sometimes she says things like she never wants to get married and just be a published hermit writer in the woods, other times she has very detailed visions of her family. She is very airy and firery, but I am attracted to these type of women.

    This is the main reason I hesitate, I dont want to get burned, and I dont want to be a poor example of a man, when she has had so few positive in her life.
     
  12. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I also know I like playing with fire, I dont know why but complex women and relationships entice me. And when I say drawbacks are she puts career over relationships, I mean that in the sense that she doesnt really value or understand romantic love, which I think is unfortunate. I dont think there is anything wrong with being focused on our careers over relationships at this age (23&27) I just hope she doesnt miss out on them forever.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    IC many young women these days see many more options than being a partners, lover & mother. They have a vison of being successful in their own right firstly and foremost. My own daughter (23 yo) PhD Astro Physics student being a fine example but that is only part of their ambition yet a most admirable one.
    The other aspects can coexist just as validly and in time may come to the fore just as powerfully.
    Be kind, supportive & patient is all you need to do right now.
     
  14. pbs

    pbs
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    If I may add to this, I think that women now need to feel secure without having to trust anyone else, and your girl has already had a taste of not being able to trust. My daughter had the same feelings before she married. BUT, her feelings of needing to be able to support herself in all aspects quickly abated when she met Mr. Right. You may be able to get her to tone down her need for independence with your actions, or you may just have to wait until she fills that need. I don't see making her chose between you and a career as an option.
     
  15. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    I agree with both of you and would never want make her make a choice. She has big goals and lots of potential, I dont want to hinder that.
     
  16. pbs

    pbs
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    So don't hinder her, support her instead. You may be able to have her, but it may have to be on her terms if she's driven to her career. True love is something that most of us hope to find in life, and regret letting it slip away if we do find it because it may not come around again. Unfortunately, timing is everything, but can be dealt with if you're willing to communicate and be patient. Finding the right person at the wrong time in either person's life is a common problem for both sexes.