Saying no to your partner

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. Barbwire

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    I've read here on SF time and time again people saying they never deny their partner sex when they initiate sex. Now, I am sitting here thinking, how odd that is. I mean, what are the chances that this occurs 100% of the time?

    I have to assume people are telling the truth, but I also wonder how this can possibly be? I mean, aren't there times when they don't feel that great either mentally or physically and they really don't want sex at that time? Are they just saying yes because they feel it is their sworn duty? Do they have partners so attuned to them that they are never asked for sex when they don't feel like it?

    I've said no to my husband and lord knows he's said no to me. We've been together over 12 years and it only makes sense, to me, that there would be some times when one of us just doesn't want to have sex.

    So, what is the magic to never being told no? How does one get to this point? It sures sounds good to me and I'd love to know how to achieve such a thing.



     
  2. igor

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    Hi CL. I find it hard to believe also that there would never be a "no" response. The only thing I can think of is that there is a biblical verse that says something along the line of "there shall be no refusal except for a short time when the woman is having her period", or something to that effect. I am sure there are those that take it literally.
     
  3. Dreama

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    Well, I've never said no to my hubby, ever. But, there are some factors here that come into play here. We've only been together for 3.5 years. 1.5 of those years, I was in high school while we were dating, and hubby lived in another county leaving us only the weekends to have sex. Second, 1.5 of those years we've been in college in a dorm, before we got married. We had to carefully plan around roommates and such to even have sex. The last .5 has been us living in our apartment married. Now, though I would say that hubby has a good sex drive, it's much lower than mine. I could go for more than once a day, but he's good for three times a week. So, I never say no now, because I never want to...I'm always horny when he asks. So, you see? Of course, I'm different because we've not been together too long, but you get the idea. Who knows what will happen in the future.
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Yup...on both sides of the equation.
     
  5. Katprr

    Katprr New Member

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    I can honestly say with all of my Ex's in the past. I have never said, "NO". Regardless of how I felt at the time. Don't get me wrong there have been times that I didn't feel like it on numerous occasions but I knew he wanted to and my love for him kept me from saying no. Also as soon as it was insticated my mood change dramatically and I was ready to go in no time. Same for him, I mean I have asked before in the past and he has turned me down, but once I continued to arouse him, his mood changed. Alot of the time people say no, due to stress, not feeling well, and in fact I have heard women tell their man no because they are mad at them, which is completely and totally wrong in my book.
    People need to realize that everyone has needs and that sex is not a job but adult playtime, and yes their are partners so attuned that they have never had to ask. When I would be asked, although it really wouldnt be asked it would be a kiss, a rub etc.. and I would know what he wanted, the more he continued the more my mind set was all into the adult playtime.
    So I can honestly say that yes I have never turned an Ex down.
     
  6. FlirtyChick

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    Ok. I am one of those people who says I never say no, and I don't, so I am going to tell you how we achieve that.

    We are very in tune with each other. What I mean is, we have learned to give subliminal signals if one of us is not in the mood. We verbally communicate it too, i.e. "I am so tired, I need some sleep", or "I had a hard day and I am just a mush brain." This signals the other that our body is not physically able to perform, and we just let it go. I don't know how we developed this system, but it is a synergy that we just...have. We have been having sex for about 15 years and married for 12.

    This all being said, there have been times when we started and it just didn't work. There have been relationships in my life where I told him to get the fuck off me or I said no, but that has never crossed my mind with BD. I guess it boils down to communication, closeness, and being very in tune with my partner......Plus, I just love sex, period. It makes me feel wanted, loved, needed, close. I crave and need that.......With my history, it it refreshing to make love to a man who really loves me. Maybe that is part of it.

    I don't think there should be any stigma associated with saying no. Every person has the right to say no, because we all should be in control of what we do with our bodies. BD and I just are lucky enough to have this connection that lets us say "no" without using the words......
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Can you see why I just adore this woman? I'm a lucky dude...I must've done something really good somewhere in my life to deserve this, but I haven't a clue what it is.

    BD
     
  8. bsxy420

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    i have said no on occasions. but its not often i do say no. my SO and i dont see each other often. so when we can get a little nookie action in we take advantage of it!
     
  9. Joe

    Joe
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    I've never said no to a "partner." In fact, the only time I can remember saying no to sex from anyone was to an ex. I had broke up with her against her wishes, and when we were together once after that she tried her best to seduce me. I was starting a relationship with someone else and felt it would be cheating.
     
  10. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    I've only said no once, my husband has said no many a time.
     
  11. Trixi

    Trixi New Member

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    That's it, exactly - "No" without using words. The only times I wasn't willing were when I used to get cramps with my period, or if I was just sick. Didn't need to say no at those times because he knew if I was sick, and I usually warned him beforehand when I had cramps.
     
  12. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    I think it's a waste of your time wondering why you hit it big! Who the fuck cares? Just keep doing what you're doing! That's what matters; not how you got here.


    :beers: :lol
     
  13. cbrmale

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    My wife has never said no to me, and I have never said no to my wife. What works for us is to be in tune with each other, so that our sexual frequency matches. It seems to be about 3 or 4 times a week works for both of us. The other thing that works is love. My experience is that when you are both have a lot of love for each other, and an element of that love is sexual attraction, then sexually needing, wanting and desiring your partner is a natural extension of the erotic component of love.

    For sure, if we both didn't have a strong sexual attraction for each other, then our sex wouldn't be as strong as it is now, after more than two decades.

    I think that some mistake the companionship-friendship type of love and attraction as something more than it really is. The most complete type of love is to be both best friends and lovers; to be attracted to each other more completely than through warmth and friendship.
     
  14. Dreama

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    :bow Exactly! *gives standing ovation to*
     
  15. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Definitely agreed here. Also think the opposite happens a lot too...we mistake lust for this more *complete love*, and end up in a long term relationship that doesn't involve any companionship and friendship. I definitely agree that it takes the whole "best friends and best lovers" mix to keep a long-term relationship good. Like you, my wife is my best friend and best lover (only "lover", of course...but she's also the best lover I've ever encountered...but then, that's more a function of how we feel about each other than anything physical, I think). I think when either of those slip, the whole relationship slips.

    BD
     
  16. cook74

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    I would never say no to my wife as it could be a long wait for my next shot.

    She, on the other hand, often says "maybe later..." :eek:
     
  17. FlirtyChick

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    Cookie : ((HUGS)) :)
     
  18. Squint

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    Have never said no.

    Previous partner well… let me tell a joke, to give you the idea;

    Know what married foreplay is?:eyes

    Approximately 30 minutes of intense heated begging.

    Current partner has never said no. Yes, it’s only been 5 years, but I find that I would do anything for her. She is wonderful.
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    And there ya go. If she's never said 'no', then you must be doing your part in the relationship as a whole...kudos to you.

    And here's confirmation for another recent thread...your personality in the bedroom (for instance, unselfish and caring) matches your personality in the rest of your life (for instance, unselfish and caring).

    BD
     
  20. FlirtyChick

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    Exactly!! :cool