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Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by southernbadboy1985, Feb 4, 2015.
What are some good rules for a open relationship
You really have to make your own rules with what you're comfortable with.
Nobody can tell you what rules you should or shouldn't have. They all depend on the comfort level within your current relationship.
You should however talk about fluid exchage, risk factors with pregnancy, std, the level of transparency in discussing what happens with others, time management, casual sex vs actual partners, how to deal with jealousy and insecurities, how open you both want the relationship, what each of you are actively looking for etc etc.
I'll update this later with a little more info we received while attending a poly class that I think could be beneficial to you.
What is a poly class mittimer
It's a class we attended on polyamory.
Really that sounds interesting how old are u mitt if u don't mind me asking
I do mind you asking. I never post my age openly and I'm not sure what it has to do with the topic at hand.
Just curious if you were older
Shouldn't matter if I was 18 or 80. I'm offering advice, take it or leave it. Now back on topic.
So are u in a open relationship
No I'm in a poly relationship. There's a slight difference.
Only becase ive read so many stories of guys who where down for an open relationship at first: The more "desired" party should bear some responsibility in assisting the other in their ventures. Namely she should be your wingman, because most single women aren going to respond well to man claiming to be in an open relationship.
Oh no, no, no. I do not agree with this at all.
Why should it be the other parties responsibility to make sure that you have a fuck buddy on the side? If you find a woman who's hesitant to you claiming to be in an "open" relationship, then you bring them over and introduce them to your wife/girlfriend. It's not that hard to do if you actually want to work to be in an open relationship.
It's not really about being even. There's no "fair" or "even" when you're in an open relationship. You either have someone or you don't. If you make it about constantly having to help the other person be pleased then it just becomes a hassle.
Logically I get what you are saying, but I believe this one of those situations where a female opinion, especially a female poly is a privileged one. Assuming these two are seeking to embark on a sexually open relationshiptheres no shame in acknowledging how the female is bound to attract vastly more prospects. Now some guys are into cuckolding, and hotwife fantasies, so theyll be fine, but i dont think its an unreasonable reaction to be upset at ones lack of action, while the partner thrives. Im not suggesting she should be gathering his prospects for him, but as you suggested to simply be present to alleviate the inherent toxicity of a man in a committed relationship seeking some extracurricular fun.
There's nothing "privileged" about my opinion. This is the only place I've ever openly voiced my poly nature. Plus, I'm not everyone's ideal type of woman.
I understand what you're saying and I respect your opinion but I still do not agree with it.
Mitt I think I have told the rules the wife and I have, I honestly can't remember but here's the short version. The existence of my wife is NEVER withheld from someone I am talking to, nor is my existence withheld from someone she is talking to and while we trust each others initial judgement I must meet anyone she is considering and she must meet anyone I am considering, and if any "funky vibes" or "off" feelings are detected we tell the other person thank you very much for coming but we are going to have to reschedule this encounter. Also we MUST return home that evening unless arranged well in advance and only with someone we both trust to the utmost extent....like you Mitt. Most importantly like Mitt said earlier these are our rules and they work for us.
Wait... I'm confused now... Are we discussing an open relationship or a poly-relationship? (Isn't there a difference between the two?!)
We're discussing open. The advice is interchangeable since it essentially comes down to the fact that you're searching outside your relationship for something else.
Kirin was referencing me because we know each other IRL and I'm personally familiar with his relationship.
I see... Okay, that makes that a lot less confusing.
And admittedly I'm totally On The Outside here, but it seems to me that for an open relationship to work there needs to be no "privilege" or one person being more in control than the other and everyone needs to approach the situation in a level-headed and mature fashion. Be as close to 100% equal as you can make it.
I say this because in my experience differences in power/control are a breeding ground for trouble - especially where relationships are involved. Too easy for resentment to start up if one is feeling powerless or unable to control a situation.
(Again - must stress the extremely limited personal experience/knowledge here.)
Nobody is more or less in control. It doesn't work like that. Do you know how hard it is to be "equal" in these types of things. It's not uncommon for person A to have 2 "friends" and person B to have 6. Clearly things aren't equal but why would you open up things only to add the stipulation that each party has to only be in this many at one time.. or if the other party ends their relationship then the other has to as well because you always have to all in the name of being equal.