[Ask a Girl] Romance - Do Women Actually Like It?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by zaptoec, Jun 16, 2012.

  1. zaptoec

    zaptoec New Member

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    I have a question and some stories to go with it. I am curious to know if women really do like romance. I'm not a jerk. In fact I'm kind of a "nice guy", but I do know how to make women feel like women instead of a piece of meat. I've dated lots of girls and had 3 serious relationships. Being 24 years old, this isn't much but I like to think of my relationships having all been a big deal instead of flings.

    To be honest, my relationships are usually pretty serious. My last relationship was an engagement to the love of my life. We were the perfect couple. She loved what I loved, we did everything together. We were 'made to be'. She was bipolar but she had it under control for the most part. We moved in together and planned our wedding. Shortly afterward though, she began to act strangely and she started to hallucinate. After several months, it was like I didn't even know her. Sadly, she became very sick mentally and there was nothing I could do. She didn't want treatment and she slowly deteriorated. Things ended terribly and ever since, I can't seem to attract any attention.

    I'm not sure if it's me or what, but it seems that women don't like... in fact it seems they LOATHE romance. I've had 2 dates since my fiance, but the girls I went with did not want to see me again. I don't carry my previous relationships into the picture either. In fact, I don't even speak of it. But when I open doors for my date, they get offended. Or when I take them to a nice restaurant, they seem agitated. I asked one of my dates to dance and she just gave me a look like "yeah right". Am I doing something wrong? I've had 3 girlfriends in the past and they were all nerdy girls with bad social skills. Maybe I am a loser after all as far as dating goes? I mean, financially I'm doing very well for myself, but I think I'm pretty clueless relationship-wise.

    So my question simply is - Do women like romance? Or do they hate it? Are women more attracted to appearance or to who the guy is? Is money the most important thing in the world to women? I'm curious to know.
     
  2. Splendid_Thoughts

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    I think it will depend very much on the woman you are seeing. I personally adore the romance and seduction and think that it is highly underrated. :)

    Just my 2 cents worth...
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Zapotec, how do you dress for these dates?
    Do you look the part and relevant to the venue and are the women prepared for such outings or do you spring it on them.
    Remember slow burn to serenade a damsel and btw pick a woman matched to your personality rather than ones left of field which might seem hot but do not appreciate your style.
    Good luck dude and be sure than many ladies still like romance but also the substance of it as well.
     
  4. Silkycat

    Silkycat New Member

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    I adore the romance, if you were opening doors, taking me to nice places and getting me drunk on fine wine I'd be yours X3. Guess you just met the wrong kind of girl so far? =(
     
  5. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

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    Don't get offended and hear me out. Then you can totally disagree and spank me for my officious infractions afterwards! :]

    I think everything you described as romance is stereotypical and what society has tried to sell us as being romantic. I’m not saying you are this but my first impression, if there wasn’t instant chemistry between us, is that you are trying to impress me with arbitrary gestures. This would make me lose interest fast (which isn’t hard since my attention span is that of a 5 year old) and I doubt that I’d have the drive to learn more about you. Is this your fault? Not at all! It would obviously be a flaw in my character for not letting you be who you are, if what you described above is truly your idea of romance.

    When you look up the definition of romance it says
    a. A love affair.
    b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.
    c. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.

    If you were to apply those examples with the examples of what you do to “create” romance, can you see that your gestures could come across as less sincere than you want them to? How many men throughout time have opened a buggy or car door, taken a girl to a candlelit dinner, given her roses, or asked her to dance? My guess would be a lot since its Hollywood’s favorite portrayal of true love. I’m not saying that this scenario can’t be romantic but because of my own downfalls, I most likely wouldn’t give it the chance because what I crave is real world romance.

    Here are my examples of romance...
    • Being able to lay in bed together, reading in silence, while he uses my bum as a coffee table for his tea.
    • Wrestling that leads to making out.
    • Swimming, especially at night in the ocean and when it’s unplanned.
    • Napping on Sundays after a day in the sun.
    • Witty banter that is humorous and keeps me guessing.
    • Getting lost and enjoying the outcome.
    • Surprising him at work for a quick make out session that is disguised as lunch.
    • Kayaking to some unknown island on the Indian River and just relaxing in seclusion.
     
    #5 Slipikins, Jun 16, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2012
  6. Cappy_Dick

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    Most woman love romance, but not all see romance in the same way. In the age of equality, some women are offended by "old fashion chivalry. One woman may be flattered by opening doors, helping with coats, pushing in chairs, etc, while another may be offended. Then there's a third type, that doesn't mind if you give her a chance to do the same for you. With this, you have to proceed with caution until you feel out which type she is.

    Also, some men tend to overdo it at first with gifts and phone calls. Some gals love all the attention, but most will feel smothered. A lot of guys overdo this, without intending to. I'm not saying don't call or no flowers, etc. Just play iy cool.

    I also detect that you get way too serious, way too soon. You can scare a gal away by that.

    I hope what I say is helpful to you. I have felt the pain of a seemingly great relationship go totally south because of a partner's mental illness.

    Slow down my friend and take it lighter in the beginning. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

    xx
     
  7. CreamyJustice

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    Well I can say that I personally love hopeless romantics. Its not all about the money or appearance. But trust me when I say I dont speak for ALL women. I like to get to know a guy, his likes and dislikes, his home/family life. Courtship is missing nowadays. People just wanna get right down to it and some are really shallow.
    I dont know how someone can get offended from you opening their door, unless you did it in a condesending way (which i'm going to say you didnt). I think women get so used to the douchebags that they honestly dont know how to react, less show appreciation for the kind of guy you are. Most of us have this 'idea' of what we want and as soon as it shows up, we shy away from it....can't explain it. maybe people get used to an idea being just that.
    Dont change who you are, you just haven't found the right one. You're young...it'll happen for you...when you least expect it. It always does.
     
  8. Dragon_Fire

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    The most romantic thing my partner ever did was let my kid climb on his head when he had a stiff neck - made my heart melt in a way no roses or chocolates ever could.
     
  9. Lover4You

    Lover4You New Member

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    I like romance. I hate being treated like nothing special. If I was asked to dance, omg I'd be all over it. And a nice restaurant would be awesome. Opening doors, hell yea. But do u act stuck up? I've noticed that some romantics are also stuck up and have high expectations of a woman. If not, maybe yur just moving too fast for them.
     
  10. Miamia

    Miamia Member

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    I don't think that romance is the right thing for a first date. Don't be too polite, that may make the whole situation feel a bit too artificial. If you plan to much, there is no room for spontaneity. Be a little more venturous, be a little bold. And if there's a decision to make, don't be hesitant and decide yourself. Do not ask questions like "Do you want to dance?" - "Come, let's dance!" is what the girl wants to hear. You need to entertain her and make her feel comfortable and secure in your presence. Your kind of romance is too predictable and therefore little entertaining.
     
  11. CurvedUp

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    See below
     
    #11 CurvedUp, Jun 18, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2012
  12. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    I have to say, I might the woman I love now. We met on the internet. After weeks from after we talked. We met. I asked if I could kiss her over the table in a bar after a long dinner. Nothing happen that night, but after that we are still together. Six years. Live 23 miles apart. I am thinking romance had a bit to play with that, and after last night. It sill is there.
     
  13. SunshineGal

    SunshineGal New Member

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    Personally, I love romance, but I'm also in a place in my life where I distrust romantic gestures, because I've been dealing with nothing but scumbags in my dating life recently. I love when a man opens my door for me, but also appreciate it when he lets me do the same for him. I can say, however, that in the 6 months that I've been back on the dating scene, I haven't had one man take me to a nice place, nor have I EVER had a man ask me to dance. Romance is about more than fancy places and chivalry. It's the little things, and they usually develop over time. And like someone else said, everyone's idea of romance is different. Be patient, and keep looking. You're still young, and you'll find a girl who loves and appreciates every thing you do to make her feel special and treasured!
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Romance is very important in a long-term relationship, but not for a first date. A first date is getting to know each other and maybe getting to a second date if you get on well together. Soppy romance at that point is inappropriate.

    The other thing is that not so many women like nice guys. I can make a woman feel like the most loved and adored in the world, but I'm still not a nice guy. Far from it. That's the turn-on.
     
  15. tiffers

    tiffers Member

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    I think romance for someone who is just a date is a little too much, romance is for someone you are emotionally in a relationship with. I think that's what's making them not come back, a little too much too soon
     
  16. Super

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    Romance = sucker =$ and still wont get you layed just used. Good luck with that.
     
  17. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I think at first i was angry by romance because i wasn't used to it, perhaps they think it's your ploy to get in their pants, but now i like it and then it dies down, and then you end up missing it.
     
  18. smiley717

    smiley717 New Member

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    i totally understand them. they are not used to doing what you are presenting them to do (nice restaurants, dancing) probably prefer staying at home