Roar? hell, i can't even meow

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by LA_20, May 10, 2007.

  1. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    Warnings this is a completely selfish vent but i just need to get this off my chest.

    Right now I'm preparing for some of the most important exams I will ever take... as a result I am stressed to the max. More than anything I would just like my SO to appreciate what I'm going through. The stress in addition to his inability to empathize is magnify my greatest flaw and the biggest flaw in our relationship.
    I am passive to the extreme in a relationship... sure I'll be aggressive in the bedroom, but when it comes to the little things I roll over. I think it stems from the fact that my mom is the same way, thankfully, my dad does not take advantage of this and tries to encourage her to speak her mind and play a role in decision making.
    The SO is the complete opposite, he asks me where I want to go, of course I have an opinion, but I say "whatever you want babe, let's go somewhere that you will enjoy" and he accepts it at face value.
    I know this is my fault, and I need to accept responsibility for the fact I let it become like this, but it still sucks. He promised he would come out to the barn this weekend and watch me ride but the minute I told him "i'm just going out there to ride, its no big deal, I don't want you to feel obligated to go" he told me he was going to go golfing on Saturday instead...
    If anyone read this vent I guess what I'm mainly saying is that I've been childish and havent spoken my mind, thus he doesnt try and get my opinion. I realize this but I don't know how to change it... do I flat out say that I've been unhappy with tons of little minute decisions he's made for me throughout our 6 month relationship?
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I think personaly you should ( as sadly guys for what ever reason are never good with hints )

    Seems this guy will take the option at all times which suits him, without think that maybe just maybe you would like his comapny at the things you love and enjoy doing.
    And sadly it seems you have been giving him the open option to withdraw and do what he wants at all times. slefish it is yes of him, he should know without being asked or told, that at times he needs to comfort you and be with you at things or events you attend, as i would think this was a part of being in a loving relationship, giving and taking, offering support ( and going alone to things you love to do , is offering that type of suport )

    most guys sadly to say do not realise the major importance of the litle things in a relationshp....these little jestures can amke a huge difference to a female ... cuddles and kiss' given out of the blue, helping around the home , making you drinks and cooking you a meal , taking part in the things you enjoy, even sitting down to hold their female partners whilst she watches a tv soap ot what ever propgrame she enjoys....sharing loving equality and companionship.
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Sweetheart, change it now. I am incredibly like you, in a twelve year marriage. Don't do it. Unhappy seems to go on and on.
     
  4. johnnyangel694u

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    I am not sure how you put things when you say them to him. If you say it sincerely he could be thinking, Man she is the greatest. I am glad I found her. You have to remember, some men are more dense to women's feelings than others. Tell him the way you feel. When in doubt print out the 9 words that Bella posted.:lol
     
  5. Steel

    Steel Member

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    My SO came to me a few months ago and said that she wanted to be more independent….. I soooo welcomed this in our relationship. Tell him how you feel, his reaction might surprise you!
     
  6. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    ...he just called to say that he wanted to suprise me by showing up at the barn that why he said he wanted to go golfing....i guess in this case he really was thinking of me, but we definately still have stuff we need to talk about...
    Thanks for all of the advice, I truly appreciate it. Hopefully we'll get a chance to talk in person tomorrow and with one of my exams done hopefully i wont be such an emotional mess and can talk without caving in or crying....
    god, even reading this over, it sounds so pathetic... I'm gonna get some sleep and hopefully I'll grow a backbone over night. Hope everyones having a nice evening, and once again thank you for the advice.
     
  7. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    You are not pathetic. If you are pathetic that means I am pathetic. Please, I can't take that tonight. I just took my last final. Wanna know how excited my husband is? He's on his game in the other room!! Whee. Wanna know how much help or support he's been? NONE! I can't have company in my house, cuz it's destroyed. He hasn't proof read a thing, helped consider or plan the party (which is on Mother's Day). I won't get a Mother's Day card unless I buy it myself. He makes every decision. He second guesses and analyzes the fuck out of my every decision to the point that I no longer know what my own opinion is. Oh, he'll ask it. But he doesn't hear it if I say it....or he talks me out of it. So what's the point?! "Okay honey" is the extent of our conversation lately. Ugh.
     
  8. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Edited / Great to hear he was only messing wit hyou.....good luck with your exams though .... they can be so dammed draining.....

    This below was being posted by me whilst you were posting your reply of how he was going to come to see you saturday.
    so forgive the maybe brash style of it ...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mel im with you or your thought, it also lingers and festers to sadly... :(

    as its ben said by others and i put it too, guys dont take hints well, tell him to his face whilst looking him in the yes , that you want/wish ( depending on how you wish to put it ) him to come with you on saturday because you would love to have his comapny.


    sometimes we need a slap in the face ( metaphoricaly speaking ) so we can snap out of our self indulgent ways and see the bigger picture, which is your unhappy , and he needs to know this, ( he should already if he was paying attention to you, and not his own wants and needs all the time ) then the ball as they say is in his court.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
  9. loveit247

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    Mel, you are strong and intelligent and beautiful, why do you stay? You are worth so much more then that. The feeling when you realize it is the best feeling in the world!!

    LA 20, honey, men are not that clever. (meant in the nicest possible way boys). They simplu don't think like women. You need to make your feeling clear to him! Good luck.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    My wife is a strange dichotomy, sexually very passive but otherwise assertive. This is why I married her, I love women who are assertive, who make their needs and wants and desires known. Most important, I love having a partner who shares the burden and doesn't expect me to make all the decisions all of the time. To do this is very draining, as I found out with a previous relationship.

    I know you are unhappy, but have you considered that your partner is being cornered into running two lives and he may be unhappy too? Perhaps some non-accusational conversations may help you two find an equilibrium.
     
  11. Emart

    Emart New Member

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    A) Like you said, it's your fault for being dishonest/not voicing your opinions.

    B) He is at fault for not seeking out your opinions, and definitely at fault for teeing off right after you tell him not to feel obligated to come watch you ride.

    Seems like it's just something that needs to be talked through and life will be good.



    Oh and, call me sexist but every time I hear a female say "You don't have to.." or my favorite "Don't feel obligated to.." the red flag shoots up.

    EDIT: After reading more into it, the vast majority of the blame shifted to your side. Still not too big of a deal, definitely something that needs to be talked through. Obviously guys appreciate honesty over nursing a secret malcontent.
     
  12. Joe

    Joe
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    What Loveit said. Men are not that clever. We're not mind readers. We'll take what our partners tell us at face value, then wonder what we did wrong when they get irked. :ugh

    Do him and yourself a big favor and tell him what's on your mind. If he asks what you want to do, TELL HIM. :eyes
     
  13. heelfetish

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    Quoted for truth. Men are simple creatures. If you tell us something, we take it for what it is, not for what it *might* mean. Hints don't work, you have to come out and TELL us what's really on your mind. Otherwise you'll be in this struggle forever. We don't learn. ;)