returning the favor

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by srf4503, Apr 5, 2013.

  1. srf4503

    srf4503 New Member

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    My wife and I are in our mid 20"s been married 5 years and our intimate about 3 times a week. The biggest problem we have is I seem to be alittle more adventerous than her. For instance I love licking her ass but I can't get her to do it to me or try prostate massaging. Whenever I bring it up she just smiles and says she"just cant,". It seems like she would be happy if all we did was oral and vaginal sex.. is there any way to get her over her fear of exploration or should I just take what I can get?.. any ideas would help
     
  2. grow4u

    grow4u New Member

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    It's hard to get someone to do things they don't want to, all you can do is be patient and slowly try different things and maybe something will come good of it. Does she like to watch porn or anything like that? There are some good porn videos that show other ways then there is garbage that degrade women stay away from that, she might think thats what you are doing. It took a long time for my wife to go down on me and give me a BJ until I started to put on flavor condoms and that turned things around now she doesn't worry condom or no condom they have to build thier confidence, and sometimes that takes time. Try new things and go slowly take your time it might not happen right away it might take a lot of time but don't get upset if she doesn't want to at first in sex always relax and take time.
     
  3. Cappy_Dick

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    Anal play is a touchy subject for many people, even those that are otherwise adventurous.
    In many cases, this stems from the primary function of the anal orifice. Because of this, many people find anal sex in any shape or form to be dirty and unsanitary. This is not completely unfounded. The anal orifice is not a simple open or shut thing. No matter how clean and empty it may be, it is constantly, though not obviously functioning. Thus, causing bacteria, virus and traces of fecal matter to be ever present. This is unlikely to affect monogamous, co-habitating partners, as they likely already share this due to common living and other sexual contact. However, casual partners are at high risk of passing illness and disease, no matter how clean they may be. This is why many who have felt the joy of anallingus, cannot bring themselves to reciprocate.

    There are others that do not find anal contact pleasurable. Even those that may enjoy anallingus, may find any sort of insertation to be uncomfortable and or painful. This can happen with normal people as well as those that may have had related surgery.

    There is also the psychological. Someone who was anally molested, or otherwise involuntarily violated are usually apposed to anal acts.

    Whatever her reason, the worst thing you can do is to make an issue of this or attempt to insist on her participation. That will only make it more unlikely that she will share. If you love licking her and she enjoys it, then just keep doing it. That keeps hope alive that she may in time reciprocate and even wish to try anal intercourse. However, this isn't going to happen until such a time as she feels ready and willing. Any other approach is not going to work. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't obsess on it either. That won't help to get what you desire at all.

    xx
     
  4. igor

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    Be happy with what you have. Some of us have none.
     
  5. Mittimer

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    I don't think you should push her. Like others above have said, anal play is very touchy. I personally love using a dildo on my husband. My fingers and other things are also ok but never my tongue. I am 100% not OK with licking someones anus. While the wild thought has crossed my mind a time or two, I can not and will not force myself to do it. There's a mental barrier of "poo comes from there".

    You could try talking to her about sexual exploration. Make it a game or something. Tell her that you will do one thing to her that she's afraid to ask of you if she'll do one thing in exchange to you.

    Do you know why she's so against it? Is it a moral thing? Is it simply something that squicks her?
     
  6. Meee

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    I'm always a little uncomfortable with this idea of returning the favor. Doing something for a partner so there will be an expectation of getting something in return is not a very beautiful way to have a relationship. If you only do something to get the favor returned, then it isn't even pleasant for you either--it's just a burden that you feel you have to do to try to get what you want. If you like licking her ass, do it because you like it, and that should be the only reason. Exploring her feelings about what she likes to do and what she is hesitant to do is a good thing to try, but make sure there isn't any pressure or whining or obligation because of favors you hope to get returned.
     
  7. brianeatsdawn

    brianeatsdawn New Member

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    It took us 30 years to do anal, so just hang in there.
     
  8. srf4503

    srf4503 New Member

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    First let me say thanks for everyones responses and all your help/ideas.
    To clarify a few thinks when I aproach this with my wife I am verry carefull choosing my words to make sure she know I'm not pressuring her. I don't bring it up that often for that reason too. I also don't do anything for her because I expect somthing back I give analingus because I love doing it and I'm lucky that's she obliges pretty much whenever I want.. I'm also not dumb enough to play the " if you don't do it for me I won't do it for you" game.. every man knows that's a no win situation.. her hang up with licking me back there is I think it makes her too squeemish. I was just wondering if any ladies out there found anything to help them over come that. As for prostate play she siad its just plain "weird". So once again anything that could set her mind at ease? Btw I didn,t mean to make my situation out as bad as it reads. We had a nice weekend away and I got my once a quarter or so anal sex out of her and we had a blast.. didn't mean to sound ungratefull.. it was my first post and I'm still learning lol
     
  9. GBBlondie

    GBBlondie New Member

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    You know, it's been my experience that there really are two different types of females out there, generally speaking. There are those who're what I like to refer to as the type who're "born to fuck," and then there's every other female.

    Some women, whether it comes from something in their upbringing, or maybe there's something genetic about it, I'm not sure, but they just seem to be the kind who'll try anything once and will often find it erotic and stimulative, and will love doing all kinds of sexual things. These are the kinds of women you could imagine doing porn (figuratively, perhaps, but still) - the ones who're born to fuck, the true sluts (I mean that positively).

    And then there is every other female. Whether it comes from a stricter kind of upbringing that includes the "sex is gross" or "sex is bad" or "sex only after marriage" indoctrination, or maybe there is some kind of genetic predisposition to make them averse to risk taking, or some combination, but they just have a hard time getting away from the squeamishness of anything that isn't "vanilla" or "approved" sexual behavior. And it is very hard to get them to cross that imaginary line they've developed that tells them something is "okay" or not. Your lady sounds like she falls into this category. Quite honestly, I don't know what you do to get those people to cross that line. I know there are some who need some encouragement to go there and once they do, they discover their inner slut (and lord have mercy once they do discover it), but most are just not going to be that diverse in bed as a general rule. It may be something you have to learn to live with, or find someone whom you feel is more sexually compatible with your desires.
     
  10. PDone7

    PDone7 Member

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    This is very much my experience. My girl is very much in the second group. It has taken me fifteen years to get to the point we are now [still not mega adventurous]. Strangely, I somehow wish that she would stay in this group but dip in to the other group 'once a month or so'. I have always said, my wonderful girl, 'could you not adopt slut status tonight?'

    In some ways, this is the chief reason I use this forum as I love to hear others' experiences and ideas.

    To go back to the start of this thread, anal play is very advanced for many a girl, I remember around six years ago, very carefully teasing her bum, my girl was quite thrown, she could not comprehend why I would want to do this.

    Funnily, like many UK [and elsewhere] girls she has read and enjoyed Fifty shades of Grey. I say to her that I am not interested in 'equipment', nor do I want to tie you up. My excitement comes from far 'milder' thrills such as oral, anal and cumming over different parts of her.

    End. All the best.:)
     
  11. AtkCCC

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    OP: Based on your second post, you have a good understanding of a relationship. I used to be in her camp, not really interested in anal but Wifey really gets into it. Over the years I have warmed up to it. She did not push the issue but we just worked into it. I didn't have to be talked into it just went feeling fine and comfortable. I have not ever had an issue pleasing her anally it was more that I didn't want my butt played with. Like I said, now I do enjoy it sometimes.
     
  12. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    This. So. Much.

    Also, I am loath to say this but I am team your wife. Not into anal sex or licking or touching there of any kind. I have never had sex but my preference is--leave my butt alone!
     
  13. dougsan

    dougsan New Member

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    If you haven't tried it how do you know you would not like it? Life, IMO, is an adventure. You go around once so try everything. What doesn't kill you will make you smarter!