Relearning single

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by 10_3XL, Feb 26, 2016.

  1. 10_3XL

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    After having been in a committed relationship more or less continuously for the past 4 years I find myself unattached.*

    So, now I'm going through the process of learning what it is to be single all over again. Definitely a strange experience.

    Anybody who can relate? Anyone care to give "pointers" on how to achieve the most from being out of a (romantic) relationship?

    *This is a Good Thing - it was discussed and decided on mutually. And, yes, there is such a thing as a "mutual break-up."
     
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  2. HotForHoney

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    Be comfortable in yourself, by yourself. Do things for you. Do what makes you happen.

    And sorry things didn't work out with D.
     
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  3. Sweetlysad

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    I am sorry I can't help, but I am very sorry :(
     
  4. JonJo

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    I will not say sorry my friend because as the 'break-up' was mutually agreed it was obviously the best thing for the happiness and well-being of both of you.

    I cannot give any advice because as individuals our needs, both physical and emotional, vary so much.

    But I will say that how every you achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve is that I wish for you that the road to it is a smooth and happy one.
     
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  5. Amature

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    I found myself suddenly single after 30+ years of marriage a few years ago. Things had changed a lot in all those years, as far as dating goes. Like HFH said, just be yourself. The only thing I can add would not to jump into another relationship to quickly. I probably did, but it worked out for us pretty well I think.
     
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  6. MissScarlett

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    Take your time. Allow yourself time - even a mutual breakup which is for the best takes time to get over. You need to adjust because even if for the better & mutually agreed upon, there will be changes. I would always say not to rush into something. I absolutely agree with being yourself. Enjoy yourself & don't feel guilty for that.
     
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  7. GuyBme

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    Lol I'll be watching this thread....in the process of ending a marriage. Been off the market for about 7 years....I have no idea what to do or how to go about it.
     
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  8. loves2ride

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    Sorry I don't have any suggestions for you Big guy, as I've been happily married for longer than you've been alive ;)

    Mutual or not, it's still a Void and it takes time to re-adjust. Just take it one day at a time my friend....

    Lots of Love
    <3
     
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  9. lbushwalker

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    Introductions to Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters appropriate ;)
     
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  10. Sexy Strip

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    I stayed single by choice for a few years before jumping back into a serious relationship. In between that time I had a number of casual dates and honestly sometimes I miss being single again.
     
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  11. sandwich

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    I think I am stuck on "achieve". I don't think that way, so I won't effectively answer in terms of achieving. My guess is that you aren't really thinking about achievements in the plain sense since we are similar. Maybe you are wondering how to 'be'. I can answer that.

    I agree with being yourself. You are the only you so anything else would be depriving us (especially those in your 'real' life) of how great it is to be around you. There are things you add to life that others can't because they have different ways of being.

    Another thing I thought of is that I suspect you will fall into somewhat of a routine without much planning or thought because that's what humans do over time (even people like me who hate most routine have routine).

    There are probably things you enjoyed that you stopped doing or spent less time on because of the priority of your relationship. It might be a huge joy to rediscover those things, and maybe there are other things you always wanted to try but never did for whatever reason. Our tendencies, interests, dreams, hobbies, etc. are some of the things that make us us.

    I can't tell from your post how sad you are, but if you are sad about the loss even though it was mutual, I can recommend volunteer work as a way to avoid falling into too much self pity. Self pity is not exactly what I mean because there is nothing wrong with being sad. I just can't think of another term right now. Anyway, I think giving is good for the recipient and the giver, and you have a lot to give that would enrich the lives of others.
     
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  12. Dog_E_Ryder

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    Sorry about your break up man. Although its been years since I been on the hunt, one thing that is for sure, when you're not hunting, the game always seems to come to you regardless. So sit back and enjoy what you like doing and enjoy yourself and have fun, go out with the buds and feel no pressure have fun and the girls will come to you. The main thing is a lot of people who have been stuck in the comfort zone tend to jump the first train and start trying to adjust themselves all over to fit themselves back into that comfort zone. Resist that and follow your path of what you are looking for, and it will come when you want it to.
     
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  13. 10_3XL

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    Thanks for all the responses and well wishes, everybody. Does a man good to see he has support. Lots of good stuff here. :)
     
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  14. lbushwalker

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    Best support:
    200486141-001.jpg
     
  15. HalfNaked

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    "Just be yourself" is poor advice as far as I'm concerned. Not that my opinion matters in the least to a total stranger, but that pre-packaged feel good advice just simply isn't very useful. Just being yourself is essentially selling yourself short. Why not strive to better yourself and your situation? I don't know the specifics of your situation, but if your past relationships have been unfulfilling, why not work hard to make yourself as marketable as possible to others and open up as large a dating pool as possible? If being yourself means dressing poorly, having no interesting hobbies, poor hygiene, watching Japanese anime in your mom's basement, crappy job and being out of shape, or any combination thereof, then surely "just be yourself" is nothing short of terrible advice.

    This wasn't directed at you specifically 10_3XL, but I think that we often do people a disservice by resorting to the old go-to advice to "just be yourself".
     
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  16. afunk13

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    Being yourself is what you should be doing not changing yourself for others. Being yourself will make you much happier in the long run than trying to be someone you are not. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.
     
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  17. lbushwalker

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    Sure be yourself but striving to better yourself is worth the effort.
    It is far easier to just sit back and make no effort than to do something positive which is why many folks end up in the very same, same situation that they always do (read crap)!
    Of course nobody needs to be in a relationship to be "happy" but it does help most of us to relate to someone else because we are social creatures and wired that way.
    Personally I can be happy being just with my dog; we can converse and he never disagrees nor gets upset, is loyal and loving but at the end of a few weeks despite the negatives involved I do need a human female to interact with ;)
     
  18. 10_3XL

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    I don't see how "Be Yourself" translates to "Allow yourself to stagnate/regress" but alright, you guys. Maybe I should start being a Bad Boy, too. :rolleyes:
     
  19. lbushwalker

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    Be a good "bad" dude.
    It's more a differentiation thing than a reality.
     
  20. 10_3XL

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    Nah. I'll stick to being an anime watching, D&D playing, basement dwelling neckbeard (but I've got a great personality).
    It's worked for me so far.
    Now, if only I could convince mum to let me move back in...
     
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