Relationships/ Lack there of.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by lonely-man, Jan 2, 2005.

  1. lonely-man

    lonely-man New Member

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    Let me explain myself .. I am a 28 year old male who has never (I mean NEVER) had a true old fashion boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.In fact I never got "dates".. Yeah i have talked to girls. The closest female companionship i ever had was when i was in high school .i was hooked up as you say to a girl in class.Never really went on a actual date.. It was more like dating on school ground i guess.If you call it that ..We walked eachother to classes ,even sneaked in to the stair way a couple times along the way to classes to hug and playfully kiss. She was the first girl i actually ever kissed. Never dated out of school (lame i know ) We had no way to get together anyways other then being at school. Track forward.... I try to get to know girls from my various jobs over the years and all have failed .. I didn't even get dates .Til this last job i was at i met this beautiful petite girl who has a baby boy. I kept my interest to my self til i accidently told another co-worker my interest in said person.Thus we began talking and finally went out .We met up at a store and i followed her to a "country bar" i guess it was.It was horrible not exactly what i pictured as a first date... i made a fool of my self bringing a dozen roses to her.I thought that would be something GOOD but she said omg im glad you didn't give these to me in there... I was like why? She gave me a story how she never got roses from anyone but her baby's daddy . And she said something about being embarassed if i did give her the roses in side the place.As this was her weekly hang out with her friends .And her friends were there .. I was sooo out of place. I know im boring you all with my jibber jabber . But what it boils down to is that i have no relationship skills, Communitication skills with girls.. i was raised by my mother so i guess i don't have all the knowledge that can construct a relationship . Is there any type of forums that help ppl who are looking for love ,romance ,relationships ? I guess starting a relationship isn't something you learn from a message board it something you have to learn from the school of hard knocks.I just realised that im 28 years old and I don't have anyone to spend time with.. the clocks tickin - if I Don't find anyone in 20 years ( yeah i know harsh but its what i figure) I'll never be married or have kids.. Any questions you might have feel free to post or pm em to me . Thanks for taking the time to read this boring long post.


    Michael.
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Michael,

    Sadly, I can identify with your feeling of awkwardness. I personally have had to struggle, as I do not naturally or intuitively know what to say, when.

    I have taken communication courses and counseling courses, that have given me improved skills in carrying on a conversation wtih a woman. I also get some clues to being responsive, in asking questions.

    Roses are good. Just that roses means more than a first date. Her country bar, put you in her world. Many women enjoy talking about their interests. So if you have a bunch of questions written out or thought up, you can ask her questions, and keep the conversation going.

    I would recommend going to a restaurant that she has not been to, or at least not very often. Go there ahead of time, and meet the manager, and maiter dee or hostess, and tell them that you would like an extra hello, like they know you. Give them a tip ahead of time. Maybe get a table away from others. Maybe take her baby, arrange for a high chair. If you seem intersted in her baby boy, it seems that should make some points. How old is the baby? What are the developmental stimulations that are pertinent to that age? How old is the baby?

    Questions can be in the form of, What education do yo wish you had? What kind of a jog would you rather have? If yo had more time with your son, what would you like to do with him? What things would you like to be able to afford? What vacations would you like to take? What plans have you made for you son? What would you like to change about your living quarters? What challenges do you find easy, or difficult, at work?

    I have discussed conversation, questions and counseling on other threads in SF. Search those words.

    Blessings.
     
  3. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    I can understand that too. I am not very god at caring on conversations and talking about reall issues. Until recently that i have been living on my own, i have become a little better at it. I believe that since i live alone in a studio apt, that i wanna get my self out into the world and make friends. I've been meeting people in my aptment building and enjoy have conversations with them. I was just always wraped up in the future and worring about what people would think of me if i said too much or something. A lot of that is gone now. And i can talk openly with my friends that i am begining to make. I don't, thats just my story.
     
  4. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    The first step is to just get rid of "shyness" and get out and talk to women. There are hundreds of single women in the 25 to 30 range who WANT TO MEET MEN. They hang around in places like Churches, Gyms, Supermarkets, Bookstores.... Don't waste your time in the singles bars, you will only find drunk women and they are not what you really want.

    Talk about anything, the weather, her car, her hair, her dog, an author you like. It doesn't matter, pick a topic and talk. Some will Say "get Lost Creep" and others will talk. Just be yourself, we will spot a fake and you will get dumped. Don't pretend to like classical music, don't fake anything, just be honest.

    You will be surprised how many women will pass small talk in a store, or church. You just have to be bold enough to say the first word..
     
  5. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Conversational Questions:

    Can you tell me about an occasion that made you frustrated?

    Can you tell me about a situation that made you feel shoret-dhanged?

    Anything come to mind that made you happy?

    Anything you would really like to see happen?





    If you spend some effort, money and time to improve you conversational question posing abilities, do you see that this could help yo in your job and business? Even if a woman turns down an invitation to you, furher company, can you still feel the joy of having boosted the Ego of the lady? Have you looked up Step Parenting on the internet? Have you ltaken an hour or two, sat down with a phone book, and called people to ask about communication courses, counseling courses, short-cut self-improvement courses? Have you tried any? Taken any pop-psychology evaluation tests?

    This was from a post I wrote to a husband who had a Wayward Wife and a Step Daughter.

    I have failed to convince you that you can provide effective counseling for WW by asking thoughtful questions. I have failed to motivate you to seek advisors who can assist you in formulating questions. I have failed to interest you in seeking books or courses or on-line materials that can help with Step parenting. I have failed to achieve a belief in carry-over, that self-improvement to improve WW and SD relationships will be of benefit in other aspects of your future life. I have failed to show you how to ask WW or SD a favor of their presence, can be done with the primary purpse and effect of boosting their ego, and their trust in you. How can you better gain trust from WW and SD?


    Blessings