Relationship, Thinking About The Future, Instead Of Living In The Present

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by IloveSex415, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    It's been a while since I posted here last. So I'll just jump right in. I've had a few relationships since my last post, but this one I really want to work out, while my previous one's I just wanted someone to be with or, someone to have sex with.

    I met this girl in September I guess. We hung out 4 days in a row to study for a Chemistry exam. I became attracted to her. I wrote in mt diary about it; saying that I hope her and I could commit to one another (I felt crazy for saying that, and I may be crazy for thinking it. I didn't even know if she liked me or not)

    Turns out she was attracted to me, so I asked her to be my girlfriend, even though we didn't know each other very well. I asked her to be my girlfriend because, we were acting like we were bf/gf, kissing, holding hands etc. So i figured I should make it official.

    We have been official for a month, it has been really fun. I am a romantic guy, and I love showing her my affection, as well as telling her how I feel. She's only been in one relationship, and she didn't open up to her previous boyfriend.

    She's also young, 19. Her last relationship lasted for 2 years. I am young as well, 23. She's shy and has trouble expressing her emotions verbally. We've talked about it, and she's opened up more.

    Like I said we've only been going out for a month. I get attached really easily, and my emotions get the better of me; I think about her all the time.

    I like everything about her, except the fact that she has trouble communicating.

    So most likely, I will be transferring to a school about 2 hours away from where we both currently live. I don't think long distance relationships work, but I really like her. I could see myself with her in the future, living together, etc.

    I really feel stupid for the way I feel about her, and I feel really dumb for telling her how I feel, and I how I intend on having a serious relationship with her. We are both young, and there are plenty of people out there for both of us. I just want this relationship to work out. I also think that's terrible, I shouldn't think about the future, or talk with her about it, we've only been together for a month, and I have only known her for this semester.

    She's a virgin, and I don't want to take her virginity unless we're going to marry each other. i think about her all the time and I become doubtful of how she feels towards me when we don't see each other or talk for a few days. (we're both busy with school, family, etc.)

    She's told me that she does like me, but we don't feel the same way about each other. I wish I didn't have all these emotions for her, it would make things easier. I also wish I lived in the present, and didn't think about the future. She does a good job of just living in the present.

    We really enjoy each other and she has gotten better about communicating. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, but I like her a lot because, she doesn't have an attitude, (like most girls do, sorry for that generalization).

    My therapist says I judge myself too much, and I judge myself harshly.

    I wish my girlfriend and I felt the same way for each other, but we obviously don't. So I'm not sure if it's going to work out, especially since I am doubtful, at times. My girlfriend says I over think things. It's true.

    Sorry for such a long post & sorry for troubling/concerning anyone with a relationship between two kids.

    I don't have ANY close friends that I could talk with this about, so it's hard for me.
    I welcome harsh criticism, I think it would help me.

    I wish someone would come on here and say:
    "Dude, you need to deal with your emotions, and not expect so much out of your gf."

    "There are plenty of girls out there, and you will probably find a better one when you transfer." Long distance relationships, usually don't work - Which I believe.

    "You are taking things too fast."
    I get attached too easily, I am aware.

    I feel so needy for affection. I tell her all my feelings, which I imagine would scare her off, but she says she's ok with it. I know she's attracted to me, and I want to be the guy she is looking for to build a serious relationship with.

    I am driving myself insane for feeling like this. I need help, and advice.
    I hope someone has had the same situation and will shed light on how they delt with it.

    God this is a long post - I am so sorry.
     
    #1 IloveSex415, Dec 4, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2011
  2. Mittimer

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    Well, I suppose I'm going to say everything that you want to hear. You are taking it too fast. Dating for a month and being in love with someone, especially in your mental state, is just screaming "im needy".

    You are WAY too harsh on yourself and you need to just simmer down and let things go with the flow.

    With a girl her age, 19? Shes what, a Freshman, Sophomore in college? She doesn't want to settle down and think about marriage right now.
    If she tells you that you don't feel the same way about each other, she means it. Ask her how she feels and tell her to be specific and accept what may come.

    As far as apologizing to us for making a long post? Do you know how many people on here are younger then you? None of us sit and judge them based on their age. We're not that type of group.

    My big red flag on your post. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship but I like her a lot and she doesn't have an attitude" STOP. Right there. If you're questioning your ability to be in a relationship at all then you shouldn't be in one. If you just like her, let it be something casual. You're a college student. Now's your time to explore yourself, get drunk, get laid (if that's your thing) fuck around and figure out what you want to do with your life. Not try to meet your forever girl. Letting things be casual and not so tied down might take a lot of the stress off of both of you too.
     
  3. igor

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    Ditto Mitts post. Just take it easy and see what happens.
     
  4. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    Thanks for the replies. I have fucked around, and I think I have had enough of it, and would rather settle down. I'm saying that now, but later on in life, I'll wish I wasn't tied down.

    I like the advice of just going with the flow, and since I know things most likely will not work out when I transfer, I will simmer down, and keep it casual. I guess I still have some thinking to do, about my ability to be in a relationship.

    It's nice to have people to discuss this with, thank you. :)
     
  5. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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  6. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    I don't know. I've "heard" you're supposed to be fully comfortable with yourself, and not rely on your partner for happiness.
     
  7. 12barblues

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    you never know my friend...i married my high school sweetheart. stayed with her for 30 years before i had to leave her....and now everything that i "thought " was going to be my life...has changed. (for the better, yes) but my point is....how can we ever really know what path to take? just do the best with whatever road you choose...it will be ok.