I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now and I love her with all my heart and I hope to marry her one day. I am a 19 year old college student, she just turned 21 four days ago. I started looking at porn online at the age of 11. When I got a computer in my room at the age of 14 it worsened a lot. From the age of 14-17 I would look at porn online from anywhere between 2-10 hours a day. In highschool I was fat, plain and simple, and very shy. Well my senior year of Highschool I decided I wanted to have sex. Well I found an escort on craigslist.com and I went to meet with her, and I had sex with a hooker. It was with a condom. But it was crap, did not feel good the woman was ugly, and it was nothing like porn. Well i wanted to try again but I thought the condom might be messing up the feeling. But I was too afraid of STD's to have sex so I got another escort, she was also not good looking, and I got her to give me an unprotected BJ, thank god I am clean, I was tested about a year ago and am clean. Well after this I had spent $500 and it still all felt wrong. I did not enjoy either times but I figured it was the only sexual contact I would get. I looked at myself long and hard. I started working out, I gave up looking at porn, I got my weight down to 180lbs, not thin by any means but I lost 70lbs and was feeling good. Well I went to college and started hitting on every girl around. But my social skills suck and I am still fairly shy. My big problem was that I did not care what the looked like, just as long as they were interested in me. Well it was a lot harder to find than I though. After the first month of college I had kind of a 1 night stand with an engaged girl, but I think she was lieing. I did not have sex with her but she was my first kiss. Well I felt really bad because I had no feeling towards her. So I dont understand why I did that in the first place. Well anyways. I met this girl on my floor and she was so wonderful. She is so beautiful and sexy. I bet people who take first looks at her just see a plain heavy girl. But I started hanging out with her, I started spending time with her. I spent about 3 weeks with her before we started to kiss and it was the best feeling I have ever had in my life. We started dating, we went slow and took our time. It was the best time in my life, I was so happy. She taught me that women are not just sexual objects and that they are people too. I have always treated her with the utmost respect. I open doors for her (car doors too) and I dote upon her like crazy. Well about 2 months ago, I knew her best friend liked me. One weekend when my girlfriend went home I cheated on her. We did not have sex or oral sex but we kissed a little and I saw her topless. well about a week later guilt was eating me up inside so I told my girlfriend everything. This was a little over 2 months ago. She has since kind of forgiven me... she no longer speaks to her friend. We are back together for the most part. I no longer am ever around her when her friends are around. The time I see her has been cut in half. Well we still kiss and snuggle but that is about it. All sexual activity has come to a halt and I do not blame her for this. Since then I have committed myself to trying everything in my powers to be a better person for her and for myself. I love her with all my heart. Well I want to be strong for her because I know how deeply I have hurt her, but I love her with all my heart and soul and I want to show her that I am with her for more then sex. But I am always horney, and when she is with me it just makes me frusterated. I love her so much but sometimes I feel like I am missing so much in life. I dont know, she is my first girlfriend and only girlfriend. I met her the first month of college and I have made no other friends besides her. So when I am not with her I am alone in my room. I want to feel like a college student, i want to go out and have fun every now and then, maybe actually drink (I know I am underage but it is still done) I also find myself wondering, as I look at all the girls around me, would she date me? how about her? maybe her? And I hate myself for this so much. Here I am with this amazing woman who loves me and the jackass that I am looks at other women and wonders, what if? I have been talking to a school counsler about this but she is not having much help with me. I love my girlfriend and I would do anything for her. I really could see spending the rest of my life with her. I do not want to cheat on her ever again. I want to stop my sex drive. I know you can say it is easy just use your willpower and control yourself. But it is not that simple! I don't know, I guess you could call me a sex addict. I just want to know if anyone has any advice for me. Maybe since some of you are older you have lived through something like this or know someone who has. Thank you, Bob (I made the above post on another forum I belong to about a month ago.) Since then nothing has really changed. Lonliness is starting to get to me because I only see my girlfriend 2-4 hours a day. I have no other friends, I don't talk to anyone. So for about 3 months now my girlfriend has been the only person I have talked too. Well I only have 2 weeks of school left so I will have to try and make some friends next semester. Sexual frusteration also is starting to get to me a little bit. Alright, I will get to my question. She says she will not do anything sexual or let me touch her chest because she needs to know that I respect her. I made a gigantic mistake, yes. I respect her and have not mentioned it to her for the three months hoping that she will start to trust me again slowely but there has been absolutely no change for 3 months now. How long do you think it is going to take? If ever. Ah well, I guess i'm just frusterated.