Rejection causes erection??

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by marriedman42, Dec 20, 2012.

  1. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    Hi all. First time post so be kind and realistic :eek:)

    Ive been with my wife almost 12 years, married for 8.

    Sex has always been reasonably good for us both, but due to other commitments and stress causing issues of late it has got less frequent than I would like.

    A couple of weeks ago she told me she had totally gone off it, so I started googling loss of libido etc to see if I could find a way to help her (and help me obviously).

    We discussed the issue in great depth and detail, openly and honestly.

    Unfortunately for me :eek:( I cannot let it slip from my mind. The only thing I can think of 24 hrs a day is ways to try and help my wife and also the hurt I feel from being rejected. This negatively impacts me in a way that now I spend almost 24 hours per day with an erection. No masturbation helps - within 30 mins, back it comes!

    You may find this extremely amusing, as I'm sure I would if you were telling me in a forum post.... But to me, it is so uncomfortable, I ache and the pain around my prostate is sometimes unbearable. Also, there is then the joke of trying to hide it!!!

    I know my wife is mostly satisfied when we make love. I also am 100% positive she loves me, she fancies me still, she is completely happy with our relationship and I am sure I can rule out that she is having an affair - so no problem with any of the issues there.

    She says she feels unsexy and unattractive and feels that is why she may have a low sex drive at the moment. I have spoiled her wrotten with compliments, saucy text messages, love notes left in her coat pocket etc. I have catagorically told her exactly how attractive I find her and what she does to me and how I so still want her after all these years.

    After a lengthy discussion, and plenty of suggestions and recommendations on my part based upon research on the internet(because I ultimately want the best for HER), today I took her shopping.

    She was properly measured up for lingerie (for her, not me... so sensual and sexy rather than crutchless tacky knickers etc), and after a discussion weighing up the benefits of it, I talked her into accepting a vibrator which I then went to purchase for her.

    As per usual though, all the promises in the world.... nope, bath, bed, too tired and not in mood, sleep.

    So here I am, work in the morning, several nights without sleep, constant erection that just will NOT disappear no matter what I do, stressed and getting upset.....

    Please someone tell me the following answers:

    1) If my wife wont even try the vibrator out or atleast accept the chance for me to make her horny, what's left to try?

    2) Why am I constantly ready, knowing the answer is no.

    Please help - tonight I have said I am sleeping on the sofa so I dont spend the whole night thinking of her and getting absolutely no sleep.
     
  2. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Michigan
    awww, poor guy. how old is she? not tryin to be rude, but is maybe the change starting? I work with a lot of women older than me, and some have started around 40... i haven't hit it yet myself, but i've heard it causes lots of un-fun things I am not looking forward to. have you asked her to go see her gyno? maybe there's something going on with the hormones.
     
  3. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    How old is she? She could be going through the beginning of menopause (called peri-menopause). This causes very low or no libido in many women due to hormone fluctuations. Women can start going through this as early as in their 40's -- a few even earlier than that. She should go to her doctor for hormone tests. There are remedies for it.

    Hope that helps you. Good luck! :)
     
  4. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    She is 45 in a few weeks. She doesnt show any other signs of menopause though. I have asked her to book appointment to see Doctor today - She didnt bother. :(

    Damn.

    Appreciate your input ladies. Thanks.
     
  5. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    (Redics-girl and I posted at the same time -- same idea)

    She is in denial then. Many women do not believe they are old enough for that to be happening to them -- scary to them that they are going to experience a phase which means aging to them.

    She really needs to see a doctor before the symptoms get worse. There are over 35 symptoms experienced by the majority of women and none of them are a walk in the park.
     
  6. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    Again thx 4 a response.

    If thats what it is then I can deal with that and help her along where necessary, if only I could motivate her to do something about it. Without her helping herself, I have no chance of regaining our sex life any time soon.

    I worry my upset will ultimately turn to anger, then hatred, then nothing - no feeling at all. I dont want our relationship to become a kiss on the cheek before I leave for work and turn off the lights at night without even a loving embrace. I already know this will happen, I dont know how I know, I just do.

    How can I stop it, well there is one question.

    Medically a 2nd question: Why am I constantly aroused and why am I in pain/discomfort - any thoughts - I certainly am not going to see my doctor to find out - I'd die of embarrassment.
     
  7. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    Well you both should go see doctors. How do you expect her to go to a doctor if you will not go to one yourself?
     
  8. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    The pain could be a prostrate infection, Peyronie's Disease, or any number of things. You really do need to see a doc. You could tell her you are going, even though it would be embarrassing for you, and you'd appreciate it if she'd do the same even though SHE is embarrassed. :)
     
  9. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    tbh, i havent fully discussed my problem with her. Sure, I mentioned it - I am unsure as to whether she understood the gravity of my problem... I dont want to add on any more pressure for her and I really dont want her feeling as upset as I do over something as simple as sex. In a way, I guess this has become my problem and my problem alone. If she dont want it, and she's not constantly thinking about it, then it's not her problem is it?
     
  10. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    Never thought of a prostate infection etc. Perhaps even UTI.

    Gonna have to give it another couple of days though - just to see if it will disappear all by itself. Would rather suffer in silence than tell my female doctor face-2-face lol

    Thanks
     
  11. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    The longer you wait the worse it could get. You could always just see about switching to a male doctor. And to be honest doctors don't really care all that much about what you tell them. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
     
  12. marriedman42

    marriedman42 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    Thanks to all who replied tonight, good to talk.
    Got work in 4 hours so going to try and get some sleep.

    Please, anyone else with suggestions, Im grateful for all responses so keep posting and I will read them tomorrow when I get home and wife goes to bed.

    Thanks again.
     
  13. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Michigan
    definatly see a doc. if you're uncomfortable with a lady doc, find a guy doc. yeah, its embarassing, but how comfortable is it, really, to walk around with a woody all damn day? I don't have a dick, but I somehow don't think its at all that great once there's no sex on the imminent schedule...