Rejected advances, sniveling blues

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. Logger

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    I get rejected sometimes, when approaching my wife. I do not have anyone to talk to about my disappointments. Maybe I should go to a sex therapist counselor.

    But I thought I could just describe some instances when my advances get rejected, and maybe I would see errors or mistakes I might have made, or what I could do better.

    Sometimes, my wife will turn away from me, and say something like "I need to go to sleep now." So I respectfully stop advancing contract.

    There is a thread under Foreplay, "Her On Button" http://www.sexualforums.com/threads/her-on-button.34419/
    which gives some good suggestions on sequential approaches of massage.

    I put the idea of Sniveling, in the title, for this thread, because I probably get more action from my wife than some guys, so I really don't have a lot of cause to complain, so unjustified complaining is sometimes called "sniveling"

    Part of the process of seduction, for my wife, is that she rejects me a few times, before we actually get it on. So I have to pay a few dues, by getting rejected a few times, before I SCORE! The rejections, while not pleasant for me, are perhaps a necessary evil.


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  2. lbushwalker

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    Or she likes to make you plead!
     
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  3. whybother

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    Not too many people on SF seem to have successfully navigated the "difference in desire" problem that is a repeated theme. I have. So I can tell you how I did it. I went through the frustration and doubt that goes along with rejection. It puts a strain on the relationship.

    Many people here focus on the sexual aspect of a relationship. It is a sexual forum after all. And I focused on that for a long time But I only found "success" in rekindling our sex life when I focused on the other aspects of our love.

    Sexual appetite is like any other appetite. You can over indulge. We need food to survive and eating food can be quite enjoyable but sometimes we eat too much and sometimes we develop terrible eating habits.

    Sometimes we start to get grossed out by other people's appetites. That happened to my wife. My desire became a burden witch only served to decrease her desire. Like dieting, I could abstain from sex but it didn't change until I made lifestyle changes that got me, and "us" back to healthier sex habits. I taught myself to stop wanting sex and start wanting her. That meant that sex became secondary to spending time together, becoming reinvested in her needs and desires, getting back to the friendship we felt at the beginning of our relationship when I didn't feel that she owed me sex.

    Maybe it's a zen thing. Desire is the source of unhappiness but if you release your desire you may just get what you wanted all along.

    I found that when I stopped "wanting" sex all the time, my wife was much more receptive when opportunities came up. She also started enjoying sex again.

    If you truly love your wife, focus on that. Don't stop communicating your desire, but make sure you share your feelings in a way that doesn't make her feel inadequate or objectified.

    Remember all the reasons that you love her that have nothing to do with sex.
     
  4. Sagittarius84

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    So does this difference in desire thing go both ways? Can other aspects of a loving relationship be a burden that the person whom has lower sexual desire should temper in lieu of getting back to what encouraged said desire in the 1st place.?
     
  5. whybother

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    In a loving relationship, if something feels like a burden, it must be reexamined. Two people have become one so both individuals should look to understand the other. When you achieve the understanding, the one will want what the other wants. No one is "tempering" anything.

    As an example, If one does not desire sex because wok has been stressful, the other should strive to understand that stress. The second one will then feel the same through empathy. The wonderful thing is that once the two are on the same page, sexual desire will naturally increase. It is very difficult, but worth it.
     
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  6. Sagittarius84

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    I guess that makes sense..it's just frustrating to be rejected by someone who is supposedly in love with you over something as trivial as tiredness. In my case I work 12 hr shifts after I wake up before everybody else, I do the majority of the cleaning on the weekends(when is when it typically gets done) I run 95% of the errands in/out of the house and am more than willing to trade some the few z's I get for some sex, where I happen to do most of the work anyways. At what point is the advice to the sleepy gf to drink a redbull and suck it up, no pun intended? I mean, to be fair there is a baby(5months) and an 8 yr old, but you gotta get in where you fit in if you want to enjoy certain things in life. Otherwise I take it as you don't necessarily enjoy such things, despite reassurances to the contrary.
     
  7. whybother

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    I feel your pain. I have been there. I am here to tell you that it is possible to make it through. You are certainly not out of bounds to tell your SO that you would like to make love. At the same time, you both obviously need to work out other issues. Good luck.
     
  8. Sagittarius84

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    Ugh..such a zen answer...lol I always hold out hope something will just snap and she'll get her shit together. I'm 100% confident I'll pull through, that's what I do. But everytime I see threads like this and reflect on my own situation, I feel like Boxer from Animal Farm, who worked harder and harder...for a 1st class cart ride to the glue factory...
     
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  9. Logger

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    I got rejected in the middle of dry humping the other night. My wife is OK with my putting my tip all the way down, from the rear, into her pubic mound. She is also usually Ok with my penis horizontal, with the tip moving a short distance, against her lips.

    This time, I was popping my tip between her lips and her pubic mound, with every stroke. Well apparently that irritated her, because she turned over on her side, so that was the end of that session.

    Sometimes my wife will indulge me some discomfort, if I have told her to "Get Wet", which is my signal that I am close to being ready to climax.

    I did not try her last night, but I should give another try, with more serious skill.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    Logger, I think that you are enjoying this game and she is just playing you the way you want!
     
  11. CLE32793

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    Wow, how very sad.
     
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  12. billytk1977

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    i agree 100 percent with this, and after i did much of the same thing it really helped my wifes and i sex life. however sometimes i still get out there and she is not in the mood, se is fine if i masturbate every day, but i try to keep that down. in the end i love her and she me, i focous on that. while sex is awesome, it is not the end all, life with her, not just with her, is the end all.
     
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  13. Logger

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    Usually my wife wears some top to bed. I bought her a bath robe, lingerie, but she does not like it.

    I sometimes get rejected for trying to pull her pull-over style, top off,

    She has a top with buttons. That is convenient for me. I should look for some more button tops, for sleep wear.

    I start out focusing on my finger tips, and what pleasure I can create with my finger tips.


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  14. Logger

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    Sometimes I get rejected when dealing with pull over type tops, trying to lick my wife's nipples..

    The other day my wife wore a button top, to bed, and that worked fine. I mean sucking nipples is basic marriage.

    So today, I shopped on line, and found a button top, on sale, sleeveless, comes down to the thighs. I think my wife likes pink. Only 5 buttons. Some more expensive tops have small buttons, and have 7 or 8 buttons. Too many to deal with.

    So I took some action, rather than just continuing to feel sorry for myself. Can always give them to goodwill. if she does not like the sleep-shirt. This is a post to congratulate myself, for stopping sniveling, and start solving problems.


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