Refractory period

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ky1000, Oct 13, 2011.

  1. ky1000

    ky1000 New Member

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    I have a very long refractory period. After I have sex, it takes me 4 days to want it again. After 4 days, it's all I can think about. But after I have sex up to 4 days, I don't even want to think about it. You can imagine, this screws up my relationships. I'm not so old that this should be happening. It's been happening for the past 5 years.

    What can I do about this? What is causing this? My testosterone levels are ok according to the doctor.
     
  2. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    I have much the same issue. I tend to have a lot of other things on my plate, and just don't or won't think about sex for days, then, BAM! the old boy says, "HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME!" I've been this way for years.

    You say this makes it hard on relationships, but I'm not sure why. Do you have no desire for sex, i.e. you can't even get aroused? If you are always required to be the instigator, turn it around and let your partner know that they can get it going as well. As long as the plumbing works, you should still be able to perform more often. It just may take more work. Communicating these issues is very important.

    So, physically, what to do? You can actually try to focus on sex, at least once a day, using such things as porn, or fantasizing, etc. You don't have to actually HAVE sex, just get the ball rolling, so to speak.

    You could also use some type of passive stimulation, such as a cock ring, that will give you just enough of a reminder throughout the day. I use women's hair ties or head bands as they are soft, and can be worn with little discomfort under your clothes. I personally like the thicker type as they don't bite into the skin over time. They do vary in tension, and you may have to experiment with different types.

    When I use an elastic headband type, I loop around the base of my cock and balls twice, then once around my balls only. When I'm not erect, the band is snug but not tight. If I start to become aroused, the band heightens my arousal quickly, and my erection is quite firm. You may need to start out wearing one for short periods of time, then longer/more often.

    I've also tried in the past to work into daily sex, making it a point to masturbate or have sex daily. But that kind of makes it "work." I can, and do have sex more often, or less often, we don't mark the next day on the calendar. A few weeks ago, we had sex three days in a row! I felt like a limp noodle for a week! But it was great!

    T
     
  3. ky1000

    ky1000 New Member

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    The problem is that I have NO desire during that period, and nothing can peak my interest. I can perform, but then sex becomes a chore.

    The reason why it is hard on relationships is that women often expect men to be ready all the time. Then when you say you don't want it, they end up feeling rejected and hurt. After a few times of this, the arguments over sex start which then leave me feeling hurt.
     
  4. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    Hmmm... You might want to check with another doctor. Testosterone levels may vary, and what is "normal" may not be right for you. Are you taking any meds, or possibly suffering from depression? there could be any number of factors messing with your libido... Good luck.

    T
     
  5. rivalsrivals

    rivalsrivals New Member

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    yup, just ask the professional doctor for help.
     
  6. gfireboy22

    gfireboy22 New Member

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    I just wrote a post on sex with a beautiful woman I care for, and couldn't climax. A good hour, no climax. I think I have something to offer. I think you might be dealing with testosterone levels overriding stress. The recession is hard, the financial climate has even us deviants preoccupied with negative life events. Is there any possibility that life stress and financial concerns are overriding your libido until your testosterone levels peak? I know that I am really financially stressed and my mind wants sex, more than my body is prepared to work for it. I actually just met the woman after years and it was an immediate bond. I couldn't climax after a whole lot of hard intercourse, so I rolled over and went to bed. The next night I chose liquor over any attempts. We cuddled naked, but my heart wasn't into it, and she is gorgeous. I am deeply concerned why she didn't do it for me the second night. Sound familiar? Not to mention it has been about 4 days and as I think about her right now, I am horny for her. Well at least give her another chance after her very lazy performance last time.