Really hurt...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Storm Moon, Aug 1, 2006.

  1. Storm Moon

    Storm Moon New Member

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    I haven't been around this board in a long time, so I guess I'm going to fill you all in on who I am.

    I registered here around 3 years ago since I started going out with this guy. He's been great to me on up until yesterday, when he blatantly told me that he doesn't want to do anything sexual with me until I lose some weight. I weigh around 210, and I'm around 5'3". I can't remember what I weighed when we first started going out, I think maybe around 200/195, somewhere in there, but all in all, he really hurt me when he said this, and told me that my weight dimishes sexual attraction :( Well, I told him that I'm not going to change my looks for nobody but myself, and said that if he can't accept me for who I was and how I look, then I can't be with him anymore. My weight never bothered him before, and now I can't understand why it's a sudden thing for him... I'm really just devastated and can't seem to concentrate on anything. I also told him that the way he went about this was a little insensitive, and he apologized to me, but I don't think it really fixes anything. I'm sorry, but when you tell the person you've been committed to for 3 years that they're unattractive, it really burns a bridge. I just don't think I can feel the same way about him ever again.....
     
  2. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Sweetheart, don't let what he insensitively said make you feel bad about yourself! There are a LOT of guys out there who would be more than happy to take over for him! I am sure that there are guys out there who are looking lustfully at you and you just don't know it! He probably could stand to lose some weight too as we ALL can, at least most of us, especially after we hit middle age! Hopefully you two can work things out somehow. Maybe you could tell him that you would agree to lose weight if he will agree to go take a class in good manners. He should also go to his physician and ask if HE could stand to lose some weight! And if he doesn't want to work on the relationship with you, maybe you are better off finding this out now! Believe me, there ARE men out there who want a woman of some substance - men who are gentlemen and not rude jerks! Please "consider yourself hugged", sweetheart! I'll bet that if I saw you, my reaction would be: :slong :rose :brow Take care, sweetheart!
     
  3. Logger

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    Dear Storm Moon,

    One question is why it now seems important to him,for you to be slimmer?

    Weight loss is a process, so it seems that if someone is interested in a change in the relationship, that the person doing the wishing, should also do some planning and support.

    Lovers can hurt each other more deeply than ordinary people. That is a risk of caring, and having a relationship.

    Wight loss is a combination of mental attitude, stretching exercises, Aerobic exercises and diet.

    What does not having sex with you anymore mean? He still wants to be your Boy Friend?

    Being lovers means trying to accommodate each other. One motivation for losing weight is better health. BF is taking a negative approach by saying I am going to stop doing something until you have certain results.

    A positive approach could be, "Why don't we do some stretching exercises, and then go for a 20 minute walk together, then I will give you a massage."

    I like to exercise in bed, with leg lifts on my stomach and on my back, and twisting my hips while raising one leg. Should be as Aerobic as walking.

    Has he offered to attend self-hypnosis weight loss classes? I saw nutrisystem meals advertised on TV.
    Link:
    http://www.nutrisystem.com/?IID=7328

    Maybe some relatives or friends made some comment about you. Friends can be hurtful. There are chubby singles sites on the Web. I have read their personal info, and all of them feel beautiful. Maybe BF needs to learn how to handle comments from others, running down his girl. Probably somebody was just trying to express jealousy by saying something like, "How can you make love to her with that size belly?" The criticizer may be jealous that you have been loving each other for three years. Let him practice some retort to other people about why he loves you.

    When I was young, I avoided dating some heavier women, whom I found attractive, because I had a group of friends who enjoyed being sarcastic, and I was afraid of hearing their comments. Let your BF talk this through, and get deeper, so you can help him stand up for his own desires. I have a pretty wife, but now I wish I would have tried to find a wife who was more interested in making me happy.
     
  4. Storm Moon

    Storm Moon New Member

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    I really don't trust nutrisystem. It seems too good to be true, and most of the time when something like that suggests it, then it is. I'd rahter stick with losing the weight without a fad diet.

    He still wants to be my bf, but he's just more concerned about my health, at least I think so. But for some reason I think he's just more concerned about his feelings than mine on this. He does point me to some things he did when HE had to lose weight, but this whole, let's not have sex until we lose weight thing is just annoying.
     
  5. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Yes, ma'am! I agree, it IS annoying! If he is trying to help, he needs to find another way! Noticing your S and M similes you used there (got a chuckle), maybe you could manage to tie him to a bed, one arm and one leg to each of the four corners, pull his pants down, get him hard and the ride him not letting him up until he agrees to change his mind! ;> Take care!
     
  6. Logger

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    Different people lose weight different ways.

    What is BF willing to spend time with you doing to lose weight?

    I had some weight loss tapes that stressed building up the duration type muscle tissue, by 30 minute exercise, that formed a basis for easy conversion into energy during sickness, and provided a fat burning furnace for your body. Start out with 10 minutes and increase your exercise time gradually.

    I have lost weight in jogging/walking for 30 minutes, every couple of days. I should lose some weight myself.

    Ask BF to try to find ways to make losing weight fun. A relationship should be about having fun together.
     
  7. Storm Moon

    Storm Moon New Member

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    He wants us to walk more around his neighborhood and at some of the local parks. I did tell him that the way he came about this was a bit offensive and maybe he should do this in a more positive manner.
     
  8. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Good for you! Way to tell him!! :rockon Proud of ya! ;> By the way, have you ever heard the joke about the guy who wanted to lose weight? He found a unique shop which said, "Lose 10 pounds in one day - $50". So, he went in, paid the $50 and was shown to a large room. Suddenly, a door opened and out stepped a sexy, shapely athletic looking lady who had only a loin cloth on. Her loin cloth said, "Catch me and you get this!" So, the guy went after her but found that she was very quick and elusive. He wanted her badly and tried his best to catch her but just couldn't do it. Some hours later, the door opened and she ran out. In another door came a nurse who put him on a scale and found that, indeed, the man had lost 10 pounds. The man was tired but pleased with the results and told the nurse that he thought that it was a good deal. She said, "we have another program too! You can lose 20 pounds in a day, but the price is higher $100." The guy was tired but he still wanted to catch that young lady and he did want to lose more weight. So, he gave the nurse $100 and said "bring it on!" The nurse smiled, picked up the scale and went out the door, but the guy heard her turn the lock on the door. He thought, "well, as least the lady can't get out that door!" Suddenly the other door opened. The guy's gleeful anticipation turned to horror when he saw a great big, hairy Sumo wrestler step out of the door dressed only in a loin cloth. On his loin cloth it said, "If I catch you, you get THIS!!!"

    Oh well! I hope that those walks will perk up both of your libidos and that, after the walks, you two will get MORE exercise by making love! Maybe you should wear a loin cloth which tells him, "Catch me and you get THIS!" ;>
     
  9. Storm Moon

    Storm Moon New Member

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    LMAO!! Thanks for posting that joke, it was great! I really needed that! :rofl
     
    #9 Storm Moon, Aug 2, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2006
  10. downloadking

    downloadking Member

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    Man nice joke!
     
  11. pussycat69

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    LOL.Nice one.
    Hey,besides...we all know the best form of exercise ;).He shouldn't threaten with that.
    I hope he becomes more supportive.
    Good luck.
     
  12. Logger

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    Dear Storm Moon,

    Suppose this is a weight loss thread. There may be some forums devoted to discussions of losing weight.

    You can search Weight Loss Forum, quite few come up. Some seem a little weird.

    Link to a small, but unbiased, forum on Weight Loss:
    http://curezone.com/forums/f.asp?f=82

    Link to Weight Watchers Forum:
    http://www.weightwatchers.com/community/mbd/index.aspx

    Portion Size. How do we manage a portion size. Deal a Meal by Richard Simmons, or Whoever, Diet Guru, puts a set of calorie cards in a wallet sized leather folder to carry with you throughout the day. As you eat, you shift calories into the eaten section. When you have finished your target number of calories for that day, BINGO you stop eating. Richard calls this Deal a Meal.

    I am focusing on self-rewards, because others give me all kinds of misdirection. so I need to depend upon my own rewards. I rewarded myself today, when I made a half a sandwich, after I had already eaten too much, and I took one bite, and I threw the rest of the sandwich in the trash. I gave myself a pat on the back, for managing my portion size. Recently, I have been keeping plastic storage bags near the refrigerator, so I can put leftovers away, in my drawer of the refrigerator. I use the bags that have a sliding zipper lock.

    RESENTMENT:

    Your boy friend has given you mixed signals. He slams you for being overweight, and then he expects you to lose weight because you love him. That is nuts. My wife asks me to lose weight, then does a bunch of unfair things to make me feel unloved. So I am supposed to lose weight because I love her, and my wife is being unreasonable and selfish in a number of aspects.

    So managing Resentment in a relationship, is important, because they expect you to do do many things because you love them, then they treat you like shit, and wonder why results are not happening.

    So managing Resentment is a challenge when you don't have a perfect mate, which are not that readily plentiful, apparently.

    So my new approach to reducing the feeling of Resentment, is to try to focus on one nice thing my wife did for me, yesterday, or within the last month, or whenever, and try to avoid focusing on everything else that falls short and pisses me off.

    Search BigCupid.
     
  13. AnonymousOne

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    On a serious note ... doesn't active sex burn a huge amount of calories?

    Ergo: Eating healthy + screwing like rabbits = Weight loss ...

    We should market this as a fad diet!
     
  14. SpanishPrisoner

    SpanishPrisoner New Member

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    Before you go under any weight loss treatment or so Moon Storm, you have to first know that your body weight is the result of your life-style. It doesn't help you to go through all agony to lose 20 pounds or so just to gain them afterwards immediatly. It must be a change process of your life-style too until you get used to that and can hold your weight and be more healthier.
     
  15. Bubsy

    Bubsy New Member

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    You need to tell him no sex, not the other way around. You didn't seem that much heavier 3 years ago, so I don't see what's up.
     
  16. Dvusdouglas

    Dvusdouglas New Member

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    Your physical size should not matter if he really loves you , and you really love him. I myself like bigger women...women built for comfort, not for speed...LOL

    Being healthier is always good.....but I am a big guy, and all my tests usually say everything is great....No Highs anywhere.....Dr still says to loose weight though.....

    If you are comfortable with yourself then don't worry.....If you are not, it's time to get comfy or make a change...........But if you change; DO IT FOR YOU and no one else.

    Dvus
     
  17. Logger

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    Search Yoga, Weight Loss, Suzanne Deason, Gaiam

    I have been watching a Yoga weight loss tape, and there are several stages to weight loss.

    One stage is building up endurance muscles, that are easier to turn into energy, if there is an illness, and the body is being rested.

    In order to build up endurance muscles, a certain level of flexibility is needed to be able to comfortabley, responsibly exercise enough muscles to build up some endurance muscles.

    The Suzanne Deason Yoga Weight Loss tape I have been watching, has a beginning stretching/loosening session, then a muscle building sessions, then a cool-down session.

    Fat can be turned into body energy, when the muscles are recently excercised, and the food supply is reduced, as in dieting, or the body metablolism is set in a trim-down mode.

    DVD's on sale Link;
    http://www.gaiam.com/retail/product...3_GeneralFitnessWeightLoss&product_id=93-9172

    Here is a link to a Yoga article on weight loss:
    http://www.yogabasics.com/articles/index.html

    The Warrior Stance is used by Suzanne and recommended in the article, for weight loss. The Warrior Stance is standing, spread your feet, turn your body toward one side, Point your foot to that side, then bend the knee, creating strength in the thigh muscles, and strengthening the knee. Hands and arms can be lifted up, and strengthen the tricepts. Breathing deeply, and stretching the back, shoulders and neck can exercise more muscle groups.


    p
     
    #17 Logger, Aug 18, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2006