? re: uncomfortable with what my husband wants

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Mar1210, Apr 26, 2006.

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  1. Mar1210

    Mar1210 New Member

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    My dh and have been together a total of almost 8 yrs. He started off hinting that he wants anal sex. We did it once or twice. I get no pleasure whatsoever from that. I hate it! He complains that he wants it and I won't give. I had 3 kids and my rectum literally ripped when I had my 2nd child and bleeds occasionally (sorry if gross) I just won't.
    My dh has also been hinting that he wants me to lick or stick my finger(s) in his rectum while I perform oral sex. Well I did that for him. He's the thing...It grossed me out. We have a vibrating dildo and he wanted me to screw him with it while I gave him oral sex. He loved it. It was gross and it smelled while I was down there. I don't ever want to do this again. I just can't bear it.
    Anyway, after it was over he asked me if I am going to make fun of him or accuse him of being gay,,,I said and meant no to both ?'s. However, I am grossed out and dread him asking for that again.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Okay - you said "No" to both questions. And you told the truth - you won't make fun of him or accuse him of being gay.

    However, he didn't ask you if you enjoyed it, or if you would do it again. THAT'S what you two need to talk about. If he is going to be 'right out there' with you, as far as asking you to perform something on him, YOU need to be honest, and tell him that it grossed you out. He needs to know that if he is interested in this kind of sex, some "preparations" should be made by him in advance. He needs to know that if he saw it in some porn or something, that he can bet his bottom dollar they did not smell. they were cleaned and groomed both inside and out. There is nothing that can turn someone off more than uncleanliness.

    THE FOLLOWING WILL BE GRAPHIC. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK TUMMY, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ FURTHER. ;)
    Many people perform an enima a few hours beforehand. this cleanses the system, getting rid of pieces of crap lodged in the lower anal area. Some people need to do it many hours ahead, some just a couple hours ahead. There is a thread on enemas before anal sex on this message board.

    There are some nice 'personal cleansing' pads on the market that can be used just prior to sex that will freshen up the outer area as well.

    His adherence to these few steps may help your inhibitions. He may not be willing to do these things, in which case you can tell him to "F*ck off!" (but don't tell him I told you to say that... :eyes )

    Even after he does these things, you may just not be cut out for it. He needs to respect that. You have a right to call your shots sexually.

    good luck, and welcome to Sexualforums.
     
  3. igor

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    You shouldn't have to do what you don't want to. As Rose saod, tell him it grosses you out and you want no part of it. That, then should be the end of it. My wife wanted no part of oral sex (either way) so it has never happened, as much as I would like to. We all have our limits and they should be honored.
     
  4. Mar1210

    Mar1210 New Member

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    Thanks for the replies. I really thought ppl were going to tell me off thinking i was some weird fake pervert post this..I'm being truly genuine. He showered before it. but at one point the dildo came out and it made him fart...the smell was so gross. i will tell him about the enema thing as see what he says ( or does ) about it. I am kind of traumatized from that whole experience last night. I felt so disrespected. I am all in for experimenting doing things to please him and vice versa. but there's a line. I don't think I can handle this tho' even if he did a clease beforehand. I hate the pressure of him asking me to let him do it to me. i had 3 kids and my own rectum bleeds occasionally. i haven't followed with a dr. for it because I just don't have the time. I had stitches in my rectum after I gave birth to my second child and it's just a very weak and an area of my body that I don't want to reinjure doing something that hurts, I HATE, get absolutely no pleasure from whatsoever and could possibly cause the scar tissue to get irritated or cause me to have health (rectal) problems. I am going to have to figure out how to approach this topic with him. I would really love to just "not go there" at all. "iww, ouch, awkward" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    thanks!
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    I think you need to explain to him how you feel about it, much like you have here. From my experience, a vibrator in the rectum while receiving a bj can be totally awsome, but I wouldn't want my wife doing it to me if it bothered her as much as it does you. You've been a good sport to try it with him, but if it turns you off that much you shouldn't be expected to make it a regular menu item.

    If you want to try it again, tell him you will in time, but not soon. IMHO, these are "beyond the call of duty" tricks that you might try repeating for his birthday. (A guy does NOT like to hear that it'll never happen again!)
     
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Mar 1210 I and my wife were swingers for a number of years
    so we did a lot of reading about the different kinds of sex
    and we found that swingers will generally take 2 enemas about 20 apart minutes using soapy water. The wife was always afraid that someone
    would want (demand) anal sex so she always took her enema bag with her, But was able to talk everyone out of it with no hurt feelings
    as most people will respect your feelings. Myself it just never turned me on, However I do like the ass licking (rim job) both giving and receiving. But one of the Cardinal rules for a swinger is cleanliness.
    and their is a lot of nerve endings their and it does feel good
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    You know what? If people would just learn cleanliness !!!
    It would change so many inhibitions.
    I am a "clean freak", and my husband is probably thankful.
    He loves my "fragrance".
    And he is very aware of his 'fragrance', and will not allow me to play anal - ly if he feels unclean.
    Gawd - that makes me love him so much the more!!
     
  8. blackhawkflyarm

    blackhawkflyarm New Member

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    Personally it's hard for me to see why anyone would want anything put in their ass. However, if that's what works for you, more power to you. Obviously it's more popular than I thought.

    Let me give you an opinion as a guy. If my wife did not enjoy something, I would not ask her to do it, no matter how much I liked it. Her lack of enjoyment would always be in the back of my mind and would ruin it for me.

    Maybe rather than finding a way to make it cleaner or smell better or whatever, you should find something else you both like and focus on that?
     
  9. Ladysierra

    Ladysierra New Member

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    I can definately see where your coming from. I wouldn't want to reinjure myself either. Being the father of your children and your loving husband he should understand that, you just might have to help him ;)

    If the enema's and such don't work out for you and you still hate it, suggest that it's something he can do on his own. Using the dildo I mean. He can have his own little play time while masturbating.

    Personally I would love to use a dildo on my man :D I think if he would relax a bit he would probably enjoy it as that is where the male g spot is. But I won't push it on him. Although I have teased that he gets to stick things in my ass, why can't I do it to him Hahaha.
     
  10. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Simple answer, He's a man.
     
  11. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    my situation is somewhat similar. i don't like anal sex (even after the pain goes away, it just feels like taking a poop, NOT orgasm-like at all!) so i really don't think i want to do it anymore. now i'm worried that he's going to feel deprived for the rest of his life. i told him i'd still be willing to do it once in a while, but with him knowing i don't enjoy it, he probably won't either--he's one of those guys who is most turned on by the woman's reaction.

    however, i do not mind at all giving HIM anal pleasure, which he also likes. cleanliness is good, but even if he's a little dirty/smelly, i just do my best to ignore it and wash my hands/toys right afterward. you've had a baby--aren't you used to poo and farts by now? just joking. but seriously, maybe after several times it won't bother you so much. however, by the way you said you felt traumatized, then maybe you should just be honest with your man and if he's worth anything he'll understand.
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Very well-put, 'gurlcat'. The bottom line is, (no pun intended..) two people mutually pleasuring each other, and doing what makes the other person enjoy the encounter. :tup
     
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