Rant

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by melicious, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    A friend sent this to me..... it's copied from the internet. I admit I don't know the author. It's funny as hell though.



    RANT: Middle-Aged Women complaining about sex!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: 2007-02-14, 11:44AM CST


    I am sooooo f'ing tired about middle-aged women who complain about sex! First off, as a guy, we have so much pressure on us to perform it's unreal! Can I get a "hard on"? How long can I last? Can I make her orgasm SEVERAL times? Can I stay awake afterwards?!!!!! WTF!!! Do you women realize the enormous amount of work needed to have sex at 40?!!!!!

    Let's go back to our teenage years WHEN I COULDN"T KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF YOU!!! Recall when I wanted to have sex in the stairway, at the bus stop, during gym under the bleachers, after school before my parents got home, in the parked car, and even climb through your window at night while your parents were asleep?!!!! AND THAT WAS ALL IN ONE DAY!!! Hell, I could last for hours, shoot my load, and be ready to go again in 15 minutes!!! But what did I hear from you, a young, demure, selfish, cock tease?!!! "No...wait till tomorrow.", "Let's just cuddle.", "The cat is watching.", and the classic "Is that all you think i'm good for?"!!!!!

    Well ladies, the shoe is on the other foot and guess what? I'm tired!!! I'm tired from sheer exhaustion of chasing your cock teasing ass for the last 25 years!!!! Constantly, going home with "blue balls" and "whacking off" because you want me to "respect you in the morning"!!!! Well guess what years of cock abuse has done to my sex drive?!!!!

    Yes ladies, it's your fault I have no interest in sex! Not getting any and whacking off to porn for 25 years has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees!!!! Fantasizing about every possible way of f'ing your brains out has distorted reality for me!!! You, walking in with nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I fuck your sister in front of 18,000 adoring fans at the United Center!!!!

    It's your fault for teasing away the most potent years of my life. You should have taken advantage of my erections from your cat jumping on my crotch when you had the chance, but nooooooo!!!! You wanted to babysit your neice and "pretend" we were a family!!!!

    Now, in the height of your sex drive, you want muah to pin your legs behind your ears after a long day at work, and give it to you for more than 10 minutes a month?!!!!! PUH-LEASE!!!! Nope! You see...now you will suffer the same inglorious defeat I experienced many moons ago. So....go to 'The Exotic Emporium', get yourself a multi-speed, gyrating, flesh feeling, thingamabob, a handful of Peter North dvds, and come up with creative ways to sneak aroud the house and have yourself a little "Par-tay"!!!! Otherwise, be prepared to wine me, dine me, take me golfing, and stroke my little ego until I'M IN THE MOOD!!!

    And...don't give me that crap about going out and getting some "young, dumb, and full of cum" kid. I'll divorce your ass so fast your fallopians will get twisted!!! AND afterward, I will get the chance to re-live those glory years with some young, nubile, tight bodied, coed looking for a sugar daddy! (Even if it is once a month!) Better than thinking of her while trying to have sex with your old, sagging, "has-been" ass!!!

    So, the next time you think about making some smart ass remark like, "Mr. 5 minute man.", or "I didn't even get started." just remember that 25 years of neglect is the reason why Mr. Willie doesn't get excited to see you anymore!!!!
     
  2. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    :rofl

    OK, now that was funny!
     
  3. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    LOL Mel. That is really hilarious.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    OMG! That is fabulous!

    Time for the Middle-aged men of America (oh, hell... the WORLD!) to stand up and be counted! You gotta admit - it has a resounding ring of truth. :ugh
     
  5. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Aaaahhhhh married bliss...how touching!!!!!

    lol
     
  6. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wales
    Hilarious! :lol
     
  7. g8rguy

    g8rguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2007
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida
    Too funny ... and too true!
     
  8. polyp

    polyp New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2007
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    loving that :D
     
  9. SweetCheeks

    SweetCheeks New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    That is way too funny!
     
  10. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Someone once said,
    "A boner is a terrible thing to waste!"

    Who was that masked man?
     
  11. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Funny shit, that.
     
  12. belbazar

    belbazar New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    LOL . good one