Quite Hurt

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by loveit247, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. loveit247

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    Trivial I know, but still, I am quite hurt.

    I qualifed as an AOW diver in 2005. I was so excited and gushed to my family about it. My sister was her usual self, so self absorbed that she just brushed me off, my father didn't even pretend to be interested and my mother, bless her, feigned interest. That is not the point though.

    My sister is busy going through her Open Water course now and it is ALL she talks about. She feels the need to tell me about it all the time. She tells me as if I know nothing. I humour her though. I worked very hard to be able to afford my equipment and I dive regularly.

    My sisters husband just up and bought her all the basic equipment (she is not finished the course), which is nice for her.

    Here is the part the hurts me so badly. My father only ever gets me things for the kitchen for Christmas, I like it, I have lovely kitchen stuff now. But he has not once taken interest in my hobbies or likes.

    Today he asks me what diving accessory he can get for my sister!
    I asked him why he never got me any diving things when I qualified. You know what he tells me? He says it is because I didn't qualify around my birthday or Christmas! I qualified on 15 October, my birthday is 20 October. Which also happens to be two months from Christmas. I am so angry!

    Both my mother and I know that my sister farts chocolate chips in my fathers eyes but this was just the last straw. He asked me a while back what I wanted for Christmas and I said a voucher to a really cool pet store close by, do you know what he says? That is a waste and he won't get that for me!

    Hello! My dogs are my interest! I need some training gear for Ben and I would not mind getting Lilly a new blanket. But my sister all of a sudden has a fancy with something (which she will drop just like mountain biking) and he wants to rush out and get her something for it!

    I am p*ssed off!
     
  2. Dreama

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    I'm sorry you're feeling neglected hun. It sucks when parents seem to be more interested in one child than another or the others at some points (intentionally or unintentionally)-even my family has done this before, so I can identify with how you feel. I'm sorry that nobody seems to be interested in what you're doing or how you might feel in all of this. Is your Dad the type of guy that you could talk with about this, explaining that you're feeling ignored? If not, hang in there! I hope things work out, hun. Hugs!
     
  3. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Time for a dose of LP's castor oil; That you dad didn't favor you is not news to you. You know that. That means you either allow it to bother you or you don't. In my family, a dose of humor, a pinch of just accepting what it is and some healthy guilt trip thrown in for good measure does NOT make things equal or fair but it does makes things ZERO stress, ZERO hurt and sometimes scores you some gear.


    "Gee, dad, sniff, I know I was never your favorite, but, well, it would be nice if you like maybe cared about me once in awhile and..."

    Once the hook is set and he's back pedaling or apologizing, (you do this in front of family because they know the score, too) ask for something. And be appreciative when you get it.

    I have three girls and I know this hurts you and I am sorry, truly. I'd like to punch your dad in the nose. However, that does no one any good and might break one of my knuckles. So, ruck up, deal with it, accept it and work him.

    Hug you!


    BTW, I'm getting certified this winter!!!! Yee haw!!!
     
  4. cbrmale

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    I have a similar problem with my mother and my next youngest brother, and the obvious favouritism that she shows despite my brother's major personality defects (been dismissed from several jobs and escorted from the premises etc etc). My father is long dead, and I treat my mother with friendship. I can never really love her, however.

    The most blantant display of favouritism was when my mother gave my brother around $200,000 of my late father's superannuation so that she could get the aged pension! I knew they had made financial arrangements for her to bypass the cash asset test to get the pension, but I expected that it was a loan with interest, and with the principal legally staying with my mother. Can you imagine how I felt, my sister felt and my youngest brother felt when we found out that this massive amount of money was just handed over? My youngest brother left the country, never to be seen again. I moved interstate and only see my mother maybe once a year. My sister sort-of got over it. It was ugly and it split my family apart, never to be healed.

    The one great thing I got out of her behaviour was the way I raised my children. Even though each child in a family is very, very different, more obvious to parents than to siblings, I treat both with equal love and affection. The other thing is watching the misery it brought on my brother, and the real problems in his life that started with this selfish act of betrayal. Once he even complained that I didn't ring and sympathise that he'd lost his job (yet again)! As if I cared?

    So for you Loveit, I cannot take away the hurt. I can promise you that in the fullness of time, these sorts of things will help you to be a better person, and a better parent should that be the path of your life.
     
  5. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    In my study!
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Loveit...keep the chin up. Life throws some hard knocks sometime. If it makes you feel any better...two winters ago, my elderly parents had a major housing issue and I bought them a small house to live in, and extensively renovated the inside (the outside was already good enough). It's a small house, but that's all they need and no one would be ashamed to live in it. It was a helluva lot better than where they came from. They were pissed and complained because it wasn't some two-story brick mansion. I told them "take it or leave it". They threatened to go buy their own house...I told them "feel free to do so...I'm not forcing you to live there". They're still living there and will probably be there until they pass away.

    BD
     
  7. Dreama

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    It's amazing how ungrateful people can often be, especially when faced with free stuff! I could never imagine complaining about a huge favor like that!
     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Yes. People don't appreciate what they've been given in a lot of cases...a sense of "entitlement" seems to supercede their sense of gratitude. However, I know I did the right thing in this case.

    BD
     
  9. FlirtyChick

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    Love it, Fuck that. You know you are important, and if he chooses not to give you what you need,buck up and do it yourself. Don't ever let the actions of your family have an impact on you. You have come a long way, and if they are not interested in what is important to you then accept them as they are and take care of your needs yourself. You cannot change it, why worry.

    LOVE YOU BIG TIME!
     
  10. loveit247

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    I did tell him that it is obvious he favours my sister. He told me that is not true.
    I don't care that he was never interested in my diving, what I do care about is that he is now interested in my sisters diving. He even told me that my diving was a waste of money.

    I am not overly upset about it because I have always known where I stand with him. He does not ignore me, he just gives my sister more cognisence then me.

    That thing that keeps me going is that my mother and I are very close and my sister does not share that sort of relationship with her.
     
  11. FlirtyChick

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    And there you go! I am mama's girl myself! :)
     
  12. loveit247

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    My mother and I are best friends. I love it!
     
  13. FlirtyChick

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    We are too! Cannot beat it! :)