Quick, Initial Approach Ideas for Arriving Home

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Jan 3, 2004.

  1. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    What do you think about as you are traveling home, past a social gathering spot?

    What ideas bring you home?

    Whiz-Bang would be ideal and nice, but I am just talking a slow-build, but a start.

    If my wife is agreeable, or napping, I can turn on my favorite porn.

    What if my wife is watching something she wants to continue watching when I walk in?

    I can loosen her bra, and hold one of her mellons.

    I can reach down and caress her mound.

    I have occasionally taken addantage of my wife's bare feet. Often my wife has taken off her stockings. If not, she is ordinarily willing to let me take off her stockings. I really don't know much about foot massage. But some baby oil makes her feet a paradise for my soft wand. Perhaps I can envision my soft wand experimenting with learning the skills of foot massage, by my favorite learning method, tiral and error, expeirmental learning.

    Perhaps other members have coming-home visions they could share? Actually, my challenge is not to start eating when I get home late, as eating and going to sleep has not worked well for my waistline. I need to change my coming home routine, which is usually late.

    Challenges of keeping a marriage working,

    Logger
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Better Lover Thinking for entering the Doorway:

    The last two night i have come home, and my wife has been sleeping, and I have found some houselhold problems that I could have corrected, and I have woken her up in an unpleasant manner, and asked for her assistance with the problems I could have solved.

    I originally thought she had caused the problems, but apparently I was wrong.

    So first I should envision some appreciation concepts to share with her first, as I arrive.

    It seems that I can easily fall into a Whiner/Complainer type of mode. I may have that somewhat pre-programmed, as certainly in childhood, I did hear some criticism, so that whiner/complainer mode is probably a ready option in my behavioral response menu.

    Perhaps an alternative approach could be the facilitator of brightness, server of interests, brightener of the life experience, Making things happier. Appreciation of efforts, sharing in joys and celebrations. "I did some tasks to make things better, so I hope you are more happy."

    Happiness is not always in order, when ther has been a loss. Sharing of disappointments, relishing what might have been.

    I need to cut back on my Whining and Complaining mode.

    Blessings
     
    #2 Logger, Jul 27, 2005
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2005
  3. Eros

    Eros New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The sandy state
    This sounds like the same present, different wrapping.

    Perhaps fix/do things that are more obvious and then say nothing. Let her find them out. The implied altruism by the silence may lead to some positive reactions...

    "Happiness is not an aquisition it is a skill". - D'Angelos. The same goes for positive thinking.

    These are things that I work on as well.

    jmho.
     
  4. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Thoughts for Walking in the Door:

    1. There will be unexpected surprises, that I wil not be expecting. Some will be pleasant, and I should be ready to respond with appreciation, instead of just surprise. "That's a Great Idea!" "That is very thoughtful of you."

    2. Some surprises will not be pleasant or positive. THIS is broken, YOU need to fix it. "Certainly is disappointing that the _____is broken. I'll have to work on fixing that as soon as I can."

    3. Some news will have been asved until I get home. Some news will be less than good. It is important to be empathtic, for starters. "That's too bad about_____." "Sure wish that would havbe turned out better."
     
  5. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Visions for Heading Home

    Here is my latest revision:

    1. Avoid unrealistic Expectations.
    2. Be ready for unexpected requests.
    3. Be ready for whatever I had set up, to be re-arranged.
    4. Exceptions will have been found for one or more processes I thought were standard, and firmly agreed to.
    5. SNAFU: Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.

    My vision of coming home, is that I wil be able to lie in bed. I will be able to close my eyes and dream of my wife's boobs and clitoris and other aspects of her attributes. I should expect W to stay up a while, past when I go to bed. I should set an alarm of two, estimating when she is going to come to be, so that I can then have some time for cuddling, or reset the alarm, if I misjudged the time when W was coming to bed.

    I can set up a self-improvement tape or some movie and watch TV.

    My wife is sometimes ready to go to bed and cuddle when I get home, but mostly she stays up longer.

    So coming home, I should be ready to add to my honey-do list. I should be ready for a few short chores, which W may, or may not, request. I should not expect any deep affection for a while after I get home.

    I should be reasdy to add to my requests for agreements on household processes and procedures. I should be ready to note down some bolixes and blocks of the ordinray flow of dirty laundry through the Hamper, Washer, drier and clean clothes stack. I should expect blocks in the process of getting dirty dishes from the table to the sink to the dishwasher to the cupbord.

    I will expect to have some habit building skills to apply, to build, or re-build habits for making household chores easy, and compatible with other houshold member pitching in to help out.

    Ideas?
    206
     
  6. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    FURTHER THOUGHTS AND CONCEPTS FOR GOING HOME:

    My wife has been getting on me about that I keep my Body Oil, Baby Oil and Astrobglide in a cabinet by the bed. My wife was feeling that since our college son lives at home, and the grandchildrent are getting older and more inquisitive, that the cabinet was inadeqate security for Love Lubricants.

    I told my wife that as long as the cabinet door was closed, no one should go in there. My wife apparently disagreed, because my astroglide and body oil bottles started disappearing from my cabinet. So it became financially wise to invest in another location for my Oils. I have one American Tourister locking luggage case, but it is full. I called luggage stores. I learned the TSA locks are now available for luggage.

    TSA agents have a couple sizes of keys, and I bought a lock that is keyed for the TSA key, and also has a combination to open the lock. I found a small ditty bag that came with a padlock, for the zippers. seemed flimsy. The Master TSA lock seems more substantial.

    So today, I put in two bottles of each of my oils, in the bag. I also put all my topless DVD's in one DVD case, inside the locking bag. I stashed the locked bag in the back of my closet. I put one extra bottle of each type of lube in the back of a drawer in the basement. Then I loaded my DVD covers and extra bottles of oil in a box for storage in an outside storage container. So now I have a three stage approach for lubricants. I hope that the water-based lubricants won't freeze at 10 degrees.

    My wife is adept at occasionally throwing my stuff away. So in order to keep her inconsiderate habits from disrupting my sometimes solo sex life, I have a three tiered approach to her latest whims. The cabinet had been satisfactory for some years, but marriage is about change. Naturally, whenever W throws some of my stuff away, the nearby stores are also out of whatever she threw away.

    My new vision for coming home, is to open my bag and enjoying my oils and DVDs. It would be nice if W wants to join in, but her arousal fluctuations go in unpredictable cycles. Usually, W will accept at least some form of massage, before I fall to sleep.

    Previously, I had been hesitating to go home eariler than later. The earlier I go home, the more hours W is likely to be awake. The more waking hourts I spend with W, the more complaints I will have to endure. So I recently worked through rehearsing some deflections of my wife's hurtful comments.

    Wife wants to redecorate my desk-work corner in our bedroom. W also wants to redecorate the Basement where I have my research stuff and an internet computer. I think she should worry about re-doing the living room, dining room and kitchen. She should also plan meals to use all the food she bought on sale, that jams up the refrigerator, so the is no space for food that people actually like to eat.

    So those are my deflection phrases:

    1. Well can we change the subject, to how you would like to change the living room, dining room and kitchen?

    2. Could we change the subject to thinking of meals to cook that cold use some of the food in our two refrigerators?

    3. Can we change the subject to let me hear your ideas of how we can help our son to develop better household chore particpation habits?

    4. Can we change the subject so you can let me understand how your firends and relatives can be discouraged from expecting or demanding too much of your time or energy? Any recent sugccesses?

    5. Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel you might have gotten a little too carried away on a shopping spree, or a yard or moving sale?

    6. Could you tell me any of your ideas for finding more time to consistently make lists of ordinary household supplies, that are running low, so that you can be relied upon to keep supplies from runningn out, and disrupting the process of ordinary household chores?

    7. Did you have any ideas how you might find a litlle more time to organize the cleaning chores of the bathrooms and running the dishwasher?

    Ideas? Questions?
     
    #6 Logger, Dec 10, 2005
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2005