Questioning how desirable I am

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Darkesheart, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    I am 33 years old and have been questioning how desirable I am to others for a long time now. I've been married twice and engaged a total of four times. Two of the men that I was engaged to told me that they wanted to wait until we were married to be sexually intimate with eachother. But I ended up breaking it off with them because I later found out that they were sleeping with others. My first husband and I split up because he was sleeping with a much younger female and we were both in our early twenties at the time. But yet with me, he was never interested in my pleasure, but instead just climbed on top of me and did what he needed to do until he came then rolled over and went to sleep. The person that I am going through a divorce with now, well, I have gone through the same thing with him, but as far as I know he didn't cheat on me. The only time that I was in anyway satisfied sexually was when I was with my girlfriend for 4 years. She was the only one in the entire time that I have been sexually active that cared if I had any pleasure of any sort.

    I have just been wondering and questioning how desirable I am to others for awhile now because of all this. I am a very sexual person. Maybe its something that I am doing wrong? Maybe I am just not sexy enough? I don't know. *sighs*
     
  2. AnonymousOne

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    Maybe it's the lack of self-confidence that spills over and people can sense it.

    Buck-up hun.

    Honestly, your first husband sounds more like an animal than a human being that was using both hemispheres of his brain.

    There are men out there that truly care for people they love. Tragically, we are the exception rather than the rule.

    Chin-up lass, sometimes self doubt is much more destructive than any doubt anyone else has about you.
    *bows*
     
  3. maryf48

    maryf48 New Member

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    Maybe you are falling for the same type of guy every time?
     
  4. Adramalech

    Adramalech New Member

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    Where do you usually meet said guys? Maybe change it up as to where you hang out. I meet a lot of cool people at the bookstore, but if I go on certain days like Friday nights, it's filled with idiots.
     
  5. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    I have always started out as friends with the guys that I have been in relationships with. And usually met them to begin with through other friends. I don't hang out at clubs or bars. Though I do enjoy going to the library if and when I get the chance and sitting down to enjoy a book. But I have never met anyone at the library.
     
  6. Adramalech

    Adramalech New Member

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    Do you have a borders or a barnes & noble or something along those lines? A book store/coffee shop type place. Just think about what you like to do, then hit up areas that involve that. It's better to find your identical twin in terms of personality rather than the evil twin. :D

    And remember, life has its ups and downs. It's just a test and we face many throughout life. Some not as tough as others, but they all help make up who we are deep down. And in the end, you will be even stronger! Just keep pushing forward. Go for a jog or draw. Something that calms you and is challenging to you. For we must always strive to improve on ourselves in life.

    At least that's the mentality I try to carry. But then again, i'm also weird. :D
     
  7. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    I think we mostly all have doubts about ourselves and how desirable we are!
    When I was in my late teens I thought I was weird and different.
    By age 20 I realised that I was fairly normal and quite a ladies man.

    If you don't already know, try to find out who you are Darkesheart.
    Try to work out what you managed to glean from the relationships you've had
    about yourself?
    No one is perfect.
     
  8. heelfetish

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    That's what it sounds like to me. It isn't your fault that the man you're with is an inconsiderate lover. That has nothing to do with you. You just need to find the right man who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. :)
     
  9. Rupture

    Rupture New Member

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    Well you sound inteligent and articulate, which i find very desirable. Patience and not settling may help you. It seems like your a sweetheart and deserve a great partner.
     
  10. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

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    I see nothing at all with having a gay or bi relationship if they make you happiest. Everybody seems to change as they get older so keep trying. You might try the church for meetings and be surprised. You also might try meeting on the net and see what you get - can't hurt much to try but it includes a few who don't tell the truth.
     
  11. Dreama

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    Hun, if I were you I would not question my desirability. You sounds like a lovely person, who wants to be sexually liberated. I think that you need to have more confidence in yourself, and perhaps before you get too seriously involved with another man (or woman) you should have actual conversation about what you both would like to have out of a sexual partner. Have you discussed that with your now-husband?

    I hope things work out!
     
  12. SexyScorp

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    Maybe you should stick with women...

    After having three husbands....i wish to God I was attracted to other women...but alas I am not...

    Women have so much more understanding of each other and dont tend to treat each other as "harshly" as some men do....

    The thing that I have found so irritating too is that some men are totally obvlivious to the fact that they are hurting their women at all....jeeeeez......

    Good luck
    xx
     
  13. barbie

    barbie New Member

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    I say tell yourself that you are a beautiful.Most women go through a lot of men before the right one comes along.One peice of advice.Don't go into marriage untill your are certain he is Mr right.Don't put yourself down.That is not a good thing to do.Mr right will come along.(or miss)
     
  14. g8rguy

    g8rguy Member

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    It seems to me that you haven't found the right man for you. I think I speak for a lot of men, maybe a majority, who believe that pleasing the woman is more important than getting pleased themselves.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with you; you haven't found your soul / bed mate yet.
     
  15. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    Thank you all. Its just kind of hard to think, let alone tell myself, that I am desirable when I get put down everytime my ex comes over to pick up my little girl so that he can spend time with her before work.
     
  16. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    You know something... I never said I was perfect. I know better than anyone the flaws that I have. And I know who I am, but that does not stop me from questioning how desirable I am to others.
     
  17. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    He puts you down because it makes him feel like the big man.

    You certainly don't have any trouble attracting men, now just work on attracting the right one :)
     
  18. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    DarkensHeart
    My experience in the game of life is that you are much to old
    to be having doubts about yourself.
    Attractive to me means a lot more than looks and a good shape
    of course they it is nice to be good looking but they are
    not the end of the world, Just a part of the package
    their is very little you can do about the looks other than
    the hair and makeup you wear,
    Now about the other things in the package, Do you smile a lot,
    do you act happy around people (even though your not)
    how about your bearing, do you slouch or walk erect.
    Do you try to be interesting to others or just don't give a damn.
    Do you keep in shape.
    Do you try to be interesting in bed, by that I mean do you try your best
    to be the sex kitten or just enough to get by.
    Do you dress good or just a pair of ugly sweats.
    All these things and much much more makes an attractive person.

    Now to where to meet others.
    I go to gym almost every night and if I wanted to I firmly believe I could meet and have
    a sexual relationship at least once a week. Go their, Make sure the gym allows a mixed
    crowd. As mentioned before Barns & Noble's book store should work.


    Hiker:sf
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    33 much to old hmmm


    Either way Darkesheart. You have a great mind, a loving nature,sweet sweet personality, a beautiful body, and good looks to, you have been like many others though, completly unlucky in love.( so far)
    I have been there myself, no matter what age you are, no matter how young or old, we all have doubts about ourselves at some point or other ( sometimes people that are outwardly confident are in termoil inside)
    One thing i was always told is learn to like yourself and to enjoy your own company, then others will to ( i always found this hard, i still do not fully like my own company, or myself for that matter )
    You have a beautiful daughter ( That was something really really special you got from your past relationships)
    Never let a guy push you around though, never let them be the old idea of what a man is meant to be ( which is in full control of the little lady ) You are a woman, you are in control of who you wish to be with, dont let others be in control of you hun.


    Big hugs, We have been friends for a few years hun, you are a good honest woman, and you ex just wishes you to feel down and low, so he can feel stronger in himself ( these type of men are pitiful, you are lucky in a lot of ways to not still be with him in a relationship :)
     
  20. SexyScorp

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    33 much to old......LOL!!!!!

    You are never too old to doubt yourself
    that is the way we grow and improve..
    to question ourselves.....at times
    this is the only way to move forward!

    In my experience, it is sometimes the
    ones that dont doubt themselves that
    need to do the most improving........


    They are at times impervious!