psychological anxiety of performing

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by dst25, Feb 17, 2007.

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  1. dst25

    dst25 New Member

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    so after thinking about it some more and discussing the proglem with getting/keeping it up on here i'm pretty convinced the problem is most likely in my head

    i've noticed in the past when i had 1 night stands with girls i didn't care about and didn't really care if what they thought of me the sex was phenominal but when i had sex with girls i was interested in going out with and what not i would always think right before getting into it about keeping it hard, not cumming too quick, etc ... when i didn't think about those things the sex was great but when i did exactly the opposite happened if i thought about staying hard longer i would just go down quicker

    now the problem is i've tried not to think about it and i just can't like its always in the back of my head like i can't figure out how to get to just enjoying the sex and not worrying about how i perform as thats when i do best
    any ideas?
     
  2. dst25

    dst25 New Member

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    as i think back now until i was like 24 i was all about partying and hooking up so i never really cared much about what girls thought and because of that never worried about my performance i just went in there to have fun and it was always great because of it

    now i'm 25 and i started thinking more about relationships and the first girl i thought of going out with i had problems getting and keeping erection with because now i was all about her getting a good impression and ever since then the sex sucked unless its with a girl i don't care about
     
  3. cbrmale

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    Yes, you have a voice in your head and as soon as you listen to it, you get stressed and things go bad.

    So three things to focus on. First up, you've had lots of good sex, so you
    can do it, stay in a positive frame of mind. You can do it, remember that.

    Second, concentrate on the now, your lovely partner, the excitement to come, the delights to be found with her and her alone. If you get hard enough for penetration, just think about how good it feels to be inside her, how her pussy is massaging your cock, just think about all the lovely sensations of the moment. Look at her pretty face beneath you, and just think about everything wonderful that is happening.

    Third, when you hear that voice tell it to STOP!. Tell it to go away, you've had good sex before, and you'll have it again. Tell it to stop annoying you. You can talk to your voice in your head, in your head, or you can verbalise it. If you actually shout STOP!, you better warn your partner first. But what you must do is tell that voice to go away and concentrate on the moment instead.
     
  4. dst25

    dst25 New Member

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    problem is i've tried to do all that and its still there so whats the next step?
     
  5. cbrmale

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    See a psychologist sooner rather than later. You may be able to attack this on another front, ED meds are more for physical issues than psychological, but if you are partly aroused, then an ED med like Cialis may get you over the line. Partial arousal plus med may equal erection.

    The ultimate ED med is the caverject injection, and this will give you an erection without arousal, and you will keep it too. In this instance, the med may rebuild your confidence to the point where you can perform without it.

    The only trick to caverject is that it goes into the penis, but if it drains away it doesn't work. So you inject yourself and move straight to penetration when you are hard. So foreplay for her, injection for you and go.

    ED meds are available from general doctors, but try the psychologist first.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I've had the same problem in the past, my partial ED is physical, but because I sometimes wonder if the physical cause of my problem is returning, and I sometimes find myself in this situation.

    Maybe I am mentally tough, but I can fight it off by using these techniques. Maybe it is because I am in a relationship, and my partner is fully supportive if it takes me a few weeks to get it together again. Naturally if I go soft while I'm not in the right frame of mind, she will be more than happy to try again tomorrow. No stress, no strain, and a positive attitude by me next time will lead to success.

    But at the end of the day, only you can do this, and all the psychologist can do is help you with advice and guidance. I find it surprsing that you've done these three things, because if you can't master these three things, if you can't bring your most important sex organ into play (your brain), then you will never cure it.

    You must be more positive about your situation, because only you can find a permanent cure.
     
  7. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You ask a detailed question and the response goes well beyond a reply on a message board. Anyhow I will do my best to give a brief reply.

    Performance issues I believe comes from the relationship. Usually as the two of you discover each other the need to impress is important. As your relationship moves from dating to a more intimate relationship you will find a need to present an image. During this stage you will find that the image you present is very one sided as you do not want to let your guard down too much for fear of rejection and your partner is doing the same. This stage is very pressured filled due to the risk of rejection of not being compatible or finding out that your sexual interests do not mesh. Also during this stage the sex is frequent, steamy, and where you may find many repeat performances. It is my feeling during this stage why many people choose a one night stand because you do not have the pressure to reveal yourself to your partner and the sex can be fantastic.

    After you have discovered your compatibility the relationship moves into a phase were the relationship stablizes and this is where sex can become a bit mundane as the relationship moves from the bedroom out to more of a global focus. As the relationship prepares for something long term the focus on sex is shifted to a more outward focus where the individuals begin to present themselves as a couple. During this time the pressure is acceptance from other and the ability of the relationship to accept that not everyone may not be happy with the pairing.

    Once the couple has been accepted publically I believe there is a balance between the first two phases in which sex may not be as frequent. However the exploritory and greater level intimacy continues to develop as long as the relationship remains.

    In my honest opinion I believe the issue for you is that you have not found a way or found the right person to move the relationship to something more intimate. Personally I would not worry about it due to your age and it may take you a while before you find someone to have an emotionally intimate relationship. My recommendation would be build the relationship up and find a way to move it from the exploring to a more intimate relationship. As you do move the relationship to something more intimate you will find the worry of performance disappears as you have been accepted by your partner. Another recommendation I have is take some time to discover the type of person you are wanting versus the type you are attracking. If there is a gap then I would recommend finding ways to improve your chances of attracking the type of person you are wanting.
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    Some men need a very very encouraging woman in bed....

    Like i know guys who could keep it up just from the response of their partnerers voice....and I am not talking about "ooohh aaahhh fuck me baby" etc....this is very deep soulful stuff which really reassures a man....as well as the aaaahh oooohhh.......

    That is why I always wanted to train as a sex therapist....i am SO fascinated about the psychology behind sex.

    I have a male friend who is very sexual, but he sometimes aint totally into the woman, so he may find difficulties in keeping hard......

    So you know what he does.....

    He thinks of another woman who he cares for a lot, but cant be with.....they have in depth discussions about sex and she tells him how much she loves him and how much he does it for her....they have been friends for a while...

    Yeah she is like his aphrodisiac...

    That woman is me.....

    That is why I wanna be a sex therapist...cos I know I can give a lot of encouragement and praise....

    I am honoured he can do that and more importantly that I can help...cos I love him

    He is a darling

    :)
     
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