Promise Rings

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by LilKitten, Sep 24, 2006.

  1. LilKitten

    LilKitten New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NYC
    I was curious as to everyones thoughts on promise rings. Back when I was 17, I was dating a guy that I was certain I would marry sometime in the future. He also believed this and gave me a 1/4 karat diamond solitaire as a promise ring, along with the promise that when I finished college, we would get married. Numerous things happened following that promise and 4 years later we broke up.

    Basically, I just want to know everyones basic thoughts on promise rings. Do you think they are pointless or is it something good for a relationship if the two individuals know they won't be able to get married for several years for various reasons. Share your thoughts, please :)
     
  2. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I like the idea of promise rings. I don't have one and would like one, but me and my bf think differently on the meaning of promise rings.
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    I always thought that's what an engagement ring was... that the two of you are 'promised' to each other. A 'Promise Ring' seems to be a sub-category of an engagement, but I don't really see the point. If you are promising marriage, then get engaged. If you aren't at that position in your life to promise such a thing, then just be in a committed relationship until the time is right.

    :jmho
     
  4. LilKitten

    LilKitten New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NYC
    I also like the idea of promise rings, but I was not sure if they were common among couples who want to get married someday but are not necessarily at the point where they could get engaged. I guess people could just get engaged and be engaged for several years but I'm not certain how often that happens either. Both my brothers got engaged recently and their fiances practically have the weddings all organized and set to go and they are both over a year away.

    I guess this is all on my mind lately because I'm in a position right now where I am with a man that I know with 100% certainty that I want to marry him at some point in the future. He, however, wants to focus on his career for the next few (five or so) years so getting married is not something he wants or is ready for in the near future. I am ready for it and would love to get married in the next couple of years. I just don't know if my heart could again handle waiting around for several years with the promise of marriage to only have it all thrown down the tubes. I think that having something like a promise ring or being engaged would help ease my worries about whether or not this person will still want to marry me 5 years from now. But then I think about my past relationship and clearly that didn't work for me then so why would it work now? And is wanting something like a promise ring just a material wish or is it possible to have that ring actually stand for the promise of marriage in the future.

    I guess I'm just rambling and letting my thoughts out on this subject. I would like to hear more thoughts on promise rings/engagement in general from everyone. Thanks :)
     
  5. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I received a promise ring once. We considered it a "pre-engagement ring". It meant a great deal to me. But promises mean a great deal to me, and I'm a sucker for symbolism.

    The only thing I have from my birth father is the pre-engagement ring he gave to my mother. The meaning is skewed for me, considering he is an ass and they are no longer married. Lol.
     
  6. bunnycat

    bunnycat New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    paradise
    I think that promises are broken all the time & if its real it will be worht the wait.
     
  7. pirouette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2006
    Messages:
    2,463
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    I agree with Rose. An engagement ring is a promise ring. It's odd to me, I guess. My husband and I do not have engagement or wedding rings. We had our rings tattooed a few months after we were married. I hate diamonds and don't really prefer gold either, so I know I'm not the average gal. We also didn't do any prenuptual paperwork. We just decided that if we got married, it was forever.
    I don't think it's unreasonable for you to want to be engaged (and thus some sort of ring to represent your impending marriage). I am wondering how much time you spend together at present. Would that change somehow if you were engaged or married? I only ask because you suggested he didn't have the time at present to commit to a marriage due to his carrer.
     
  8. LilKitten

    LilKitten New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NYC
    We spend a good majority of our time together. We are not currently living together, although I am at his apartment 99% of the time rather than being at mine. We are both rather busy - him with work and me with graduate school. He says that he wants to focus his energy on getting ahead in his career and that involves a lot of late nights at work and when he comes home from work, additional time spent at home working. I think when he says he doesn't have time for marriage right now he means that he does not have the time he thinks I would deserve.

    I think a lot of it has to do with a fear of commitment. We are both in our early 20's so I guess the fear is understandable. I think as a woman I am just naturally more mature and ready for these things than he is. I know there are no guarantees in anything and even something symbolic like an engagement ring couldn't guarantee that we would still get married 5 years from now but for some reason I feel like having that symbolic thing would help me in staying around while he establishes his career. I love the man to death but based off my previous relationship, I'm scared that I'll put 110% into the relationship for those years while he only puts in 75% and then the relationship will end.
     
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    Even a wedding ring doesn't guarantee that you'll still be married 5 years from now. And there will be times when you will give way more than he.. and visa-versa. The important thing is that you both are on the same page about your wedding vows. There have been times when both Thorn and I will admit we wondered where the "love" went.

    Sometimes, you just don't feel the love.

    Sometimes, the only thing that gets you through the rough times is NOT your overwhelming love for him/her, but your constant commitment to 'marriage is forever'. :)
     
  10. SonReadThis

    SonReadThis New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    sounds like a good idea..
     
  11. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    My fiance and I skipped the whole promise ring thing and went right to the engagement. I just don't see the point. We were promised to each other the day we met. I don't see why an engagement ring is a thing that would benefit our relationship.
     
  12. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Three words:

    Waste

    of

    Time

    -Thus sayeth A1
     
  13. Thorn

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,151
    Likes Received:
    3
    Ai is right! And waste of money. The jewelry stores must have come up with that idea.
     
  14. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    :eyes

    Actually, if two people are going to get married, they have all the time in the world - so wasting time isn't an issue.

    However, if two people are going to get married, MONEY is something that comes hard and slow.... so if anything, it seems to be a waste of money to purchase first a 'pre-engagement ring', then an 'engagement ring', then a lovely gold band to seal the deal.

    When Thorn & I got married, we had nuthin!! We bought matching wedding rings (he paid for both) and that was it. Through the years, he has bought soome lovely things for me, but the burden of all that bling-bling at the beginning was non-existent.
     
  15. Grandma

    Grandma New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I like to show to all of the world, that my heart belongs to someone special.
    My husband and I got love-rings (the name is my invention) some time ago. Later on we got engaged and married, but we never changed the rings into some new ones. Our love-rings means a lot to us, and the meaning of the word LOVE is more important than engagement and marriage. It is LOVE that will keep us together through the years.

    So... One ring is enough for me.
     
  16. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    :lol - I didn't know you were posting this when I was posting... Scary, how two peole start even thinking alike after so many years. :uhh:
     
  17. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female


    *gets all pretend offended* HEY NOW I work at a jewelry store (have for 2 months now...all the sparklies are so dang pretty!!)

    At our store we do have a case specifically referred to as 'promise rings' a lot of young women buy them for themselves because they are smaller, more affordable diamonds ranging from 30-200 dollars. We also have some young men who buy them as gifts. Even parents buy them with intentions of giving them to daughters for 13th or 16th birthdays. Rarely have I actually had someone come in and tell me they were looking for a 'promise ring' however. As far as the 1/4 ct ring being a promise ring...thats pretty dang impressive to me, we sell a LOT of 1/4s as full on engagement rings.

    That said, I myself wear a promise ring. We're getting married, theres not a question regarding that. Its not a secret either. However... money was TIGHT and a small gold band with interlocking hearts was all that we could afford (well under 100) and he wanted me to have a ring. I will be getting a traditional engagement ring in the relatively near future being as things are financially looking up for us and because the continued time of wearing my current ring everyday through every thing has almost caused the band to wear through.



    In high school I also received a promise ring...but that was an entirely different situation for me. He was my first serious boyfriend and the thought of having someone who really loved me was very overwhelming as I struggled with depression...I honestly thought we'd be together forever and by convincing myself of such the relationship became more of a trap. It ended painfully and even meeting him for lunch a couple weeks ago brought me back to that weakened state long after I thought I'd moved on.


    So...to recap my babbling: YES...promise rings were most likely a creation of us evil jewelry salespeople. HOWEVER, I think that they can really carry significant meaning, in a honest and mature relationship where a wedding is the intended outcome but finances run short.
     
    #17 BiBiBaby, Sep 26, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2006
  18. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I don't think that anything done to show love or commitment is a waste of time or money, but that's just my opinion.
     
  19. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    For the most part I feel promise rigns are useless but they do make for a good emotional moment when they are given.
     
  20. Havok

    Havok New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    The idea of a promise ring works for some people. I think that people these days don't see them as meaning as much as they used to. Back in the day, if you gave a promise ring it meant a lot and meant that you two would probably always be together in the end. Now, it seems like some people give them in order to satisfy a need...or to make the person think something that may not be true. Anyway, I think that if a promise ring is given with the intention that the two are meant to be together forever then it is good. At the same time, make sure that you are giving a promise ring for the right reasons...