Problems

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by xzxw, Sep 10, 2012.

  1. xzxw

    xzxw New Member

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    I lost my virginity to my current longtime girlfriend almost two years ago. After few months I wasn't able to last more than a minute, frequently only lasting 5 to 15 seconds. She wanted me to tell her when I was going to cum and she begged me not to cum after 5 seconds and looked crestfallen when I did anyway, no matter how hard I tried not to. I would apologize and she told me it was okay but I knew she was disappointed each time. About a year ago I told her flat out that I felt awful for not being able to satisfy her.

    Of course she said that no matter how long I last, she is always immensely satisfied. So I began trying to last longer and the harder I tried, the worse it seemed to become. I've gotten a little better. I can go about 2 to 3 minutes before I cum but I still feel bad and I still don't satisfy her.

    I don't know what to do. I tried kegel exercises regularly for a long time but it didn't help. At this point I feel doomed to never satisfy her. I've never made her cum, but she says that it's her, not me and that is a pretty strong message that means its me. I'm lost. There's a bunch of other things I have floating around in my head but I'm going to take it one at a time. Does anyone (man or woman) have advice? I'm at the point where I will try almost anything.
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
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    Most women's orgasms involve the clitoris (around 85% I've read), so learn how to kiss and lick her clit to make her come. I'm one of those who believe that you can give a woman more pleasure with your tongue than with your dick. After she comes, just insert your penis into her and don't move around a lot, just let her enjoy being full of you. If you have any prescription pain killers left over from the dentist or doctor, taking one of those about 1/2 hour, on an empty stomach, before you couple will prevent or inhibit you from feeling "the burn" that most guys feel right before they come, and it will delay your orgasm. FWIW
     
  3. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

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    ^ What pbs said..........but pain killers really? I learn the most interesting things here.....
     
  4. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    Also, before sex, it can help to rub out an easy one prior to the act.
     
  5. xzxw

    xzxw New Member

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    Painkillers do numb pain so it makes sense...as for rubbing one out, that has never even occurred to me as a possible solution.
     
  6. sandwich

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    Hang in there! It will get better.

    And I would suggest fucking more often. It seems the more men do it the longer they last and then it tends to be easier and takes less time for the woman to cum and for her to have multiple orgasms. I am sure there are exceptions, but it seems to me that sex was designed to happen frequently...sounds like a win win situation to me.

    For women, I think there is a learning curve in being able to cum while fucking. You could get some info on that and put specific suggestions into practice. Also, I think working on trust in the other parts if your relationships makes it easier for a woman to cum whether you are inside her or licking her or fingering her. I can cum if the guy does just the right thing to my nipples without touching me otherwise. Maybe she has that ability. It might be fun to try.

    I'll leave you with an idea...see if she would go for a thirty day run. Just making the agreement together ahead of time could be hot. Fuck her at least once a day for thirty days in a row and agree not to throw in the towel if things get awkward here and there.
     
  7. Gecko

    Gecko New Member

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    It sounds like you are suffering from performance anxiety. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. I read somewhere that one way to last longer is to masterbate, and when you feel an orgasm coming on to stop until all sensation passes, then start up again. You can also use this technique with your girlfriend. When the urge hits, stay still until it passes, then continue.

    I also like to perform oral until she orgasms at least once. That way I don't feel the pressure to make her cum and can enjoy the feelings and keep it going longer.
     
  8. 12barblues

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    Agree with ya gecko...giving her an orgasm first is a great way to take some of the self imposed mental pressure off yourself....alleviating some of that performance anxiety....
     
  9. luv2sexdotinfo

    luv2sexdotinfo New Member

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    I think instead of focusing too much on yourself about how long you can last, you can focus on pleasuring your partner (prolong your foreplay to around 15 minutes)

    spend more time on touching/kissing her erogenous zones, pamper her with an erotic massage, give her oral or finger her

    try during foreplay to get her at least have an orgasm before penetration

    most women get orgasm from clitoral stimulation by oral or manual, not through penetration

    once she already have an orgasm, how much time you spend inside her will be of secondary importance

    you can consider choosing those sex positions which can help you to last long such as standing sex position or woman-on-top (when she is on top, tell her to slow down her pace of rock-n-roll on you)

    during intercourse, when you feel you're going to cum, you pull at your scrotal sack or you squeeze at an area just below the tip of the penis to numb your sensation a bit

    on your own you do some masturbation exercise to control your response
    you masturbate yourself until you feel you are going to cum, then you stop to allow your body to cool down and then you masturbate again, you can do this start-and-stop for few times during each exercise session and gradually increase this to 5 times
     
  10. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    My boyfriend has this problem and he has tried this...for him it does not work.He says it feels so good inside of me that he can't hold back.
    The only thing that helps him is viagra or cialis,and even then the first time is still pretty quick.
    So,the rubbing one out before idea may be a good one.Make sure it is at least a half hour before sex though or it may be too soon for you to get an erection again.
     
  11. discolemonaide

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    I was with a guy a while back, he was a virgin. The first few times he would cum in a matter of seconds but would be ready to go a short time later and could last hours at this point. What seemed to work for us was long foreplay with me getting him off followed by him playing with me while he 'recovered' then the crazy sex marathon could start! It's worth a try if nothing more.
     
  12. Andrea

    Andrea New Member

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    Hang in there, I used to cum after only a minute when I was younger. Nowadays I can go for up to two hours and cum when I choose. This took some doing, but I decided I had had enough and started a strict mental exercise everyday. I quite honesty, chose to fully believe that it was I who had the control, that my body MUST obey my mind. This worked for me as well as the following:

    I chose to purposely not allow any thoughts of concern as I began heavy petting with a lady, nadaa, nothing. I put on confidence, regardless. And most importantly, just before insertion, I cleared my mind completely and only thought of just how good she was gonna get it. Suddenly my body responded, I could feel it, I could feel it serving ME. With a rock hard cock and some dirty speak, I said to her "I'm gonna fuck you so fucking hard". And I did, she orgasmed multiple times on my cock before I ever did. I had such control I asked her at one point, through sweat dripped eyelids, "When do you want me to cum?"...she said "Now..". And suddenly we were thrusting and pushing SO deep into one another. My back arched, so did hers, her eyeballs rolled back and we both cummed together. This worked for me, but I had to have this discipline every day at first. Nowadays, it's just always good. I wish you all the best.
     
  13. xzxw

    xzxw New Member

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    First off, thanks for the help! Now to get down to business.
    I hadn't thought of cuming before we fucked. I'll definitely give that a shot. I always try to make her cum before we fuck because I generally can't go long enough, but she stops me and complains that she feels like she's about to pee. I don't care and I tell her that but it doesn't matter, even if I suggest we go into the shower first. And as for Sandwich's suggestion, it would be awesome, but two factors come up that can't be avoided. The first of which is I'm in school in Canada, over 4 hours away and can't drive home every day or every weekend to see her. And she can't come up because she doesn't have a passport and...the other factor. We had a son a week and a half ago, and she had a C Section. Her doctor said no sex for 6 weeks, which is mid October.

    But again, thanks for the helpful ideas! Please, keep sharing them.
     
  14. jamrshill003

    jamrshill003 New Member

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    HI,
    Why don't you try some medication like geneirc viagra.. It is a best medication to treat erection problem.. This medication shows it results with in mints after its intake.. And this medication can be easily purchase form online pharmacy at cheap price.
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    That bolded statement may be extremely significant here, she may well be a very lucky girl that is a squirter!
    This is in fact female ejaculation and one of the best orgasm a woman can have so encourage her to relax when she gets that sensation and see what transpires, have a towel handy tho' ;)
    As for yourself like others have suggested practice "edging" when your are masturbating and on each occasion take a little longer before you allow yourself to cum. Another trick I learned early on is at just as the intensity rises but before it peaks command your thoughts to divert to something non sexual eg think of a problem with your studies but don't over do it as you can then lose your erection. This works equally well during masturbation or sex.
    Personally I would not advocate anything to do with medication unless there is a specific medical need for them but if you do drink alcohol in moderation then a drink or two before having sex can help relax and dumb down sensations but do not rely on that in the long term.
     
    #15 lbushwalker, Nov 3, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2012
  16. Sadden

    Sadden New Member

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    Sounds like performance anxiety.

    A)Rub one off before hand.
    B)Get her off first.
    C)While in the act , think about her moaning and her pleasure , be proud of the fact that your pleasuring her. Sounds wierd but it works.
    D)Worst comes to worst and your about to cum then just stop and let it pass. When it passes take a slower tempo and try and relax and just enjoy the experience as opposed to getting all worked up about it.

    I would NOT reccomend viagra or any alternative to a 20 year old , that is only a bande aide for a mental problem.

    Another part of your problem may be inconsistant intercourse , it can really damage some guys if they arent getting it on a regular basis , the first one or two times after an extended period without can be really short just like hes losing the big V all over agin.
     
  17. puddlejumper2

    puddlejumper2 New Member

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    One technique that's really supposed to help, although it does take the cooperation of your partner over time is to enter your SO, stroke until just before you are about to come, then pull out and, using your thumb and index finger, squeeze your cock, hard, right at the transition or edge where the head of your cock joins the shaft. Then go back at it. Rinse, repeat. Apparently it desensitizes you enough that you can continue and the process also allows you to establish a new mental and physical habit. Supposedly, after a few sessions like that, the over quick orgasm becomes a thing of he past. Hope that helps.
     
  18. suzy7

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    LOL, omg, ouchhhhhh, some of you
    guys do have it hard, ohhh I should have said
    difficult, lol.
     
  19. lbushwalker

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    Using a cock ring can also delay ejaculation but the intensity of the resulting orgasm can feel excruciating!
     
  20. redfish961

    redfish961 New Member

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    I will suggest a natural solution that if interested, is beneficial for both parties.

    Start researching tantra...it's more than just sex, but the techniques certainly enhance it and one of the general ideas is to prolong the "happy/pleasure" feeling.

    I thought I had control before, but tantra, even in the beginning phases adds much more, in my opinion, and I'm still very new to it.

    Well worth the time and effort as far as I'm concerned and certainly worth a try as I have no doubt that the techiques taught/exercised will solve your issue and make your partner a believer.

    If you need help getting pointed in the right direction, let me know and I'll give you some suggestions to take a look at.