Problems on my end

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Jun 10, 2011.

  1. Barbwire

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    Problems at my end

    Since I've joined SF over 4 years ago, I have come here to discuss sexual problems my husband has had concerning his libido.

    Now, I'm the one whose libido has headed south. I have no interest in sex and can't come from oral. I have tried to masturbate to see if my clit still works and it workds just fine when I go solo. Trouble is, I'm not into sex enough with my husband to seek it or get off on it.

    I know part of the culprit is being on mood enhancing meds but my doctor doesn't want to switch me right now because they are working on the problem they were dispensed to treat.

    I just feel like shit about sex right now and wish I could get back to my normal state of horniness. I don't know what I expect of you all, just wanted to vent, I guess.
     
    #1 Barbwire, Jun 10, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2011
  2. Alwayslearningsex

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    Re: Problems at my end

    No win-win for now.
    On meds and low drive, off meds = sex drive but problem biting you in the ass. I offer you virtual hugs and wish things come to a conclusion.
     
  3. Alwayslearningsex

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    Re: Problems at my end

    A positive one that is.
     
  4. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    NoOo I won't recognize you as Barbwire of the SF if your not in some state of hornedom..!
    Jk*
    Now if the culprit is known to be most likely the meds the question is how long before you might be able to switch up for something... less muting?
    Hey hopefully the tradeoff is mostly worthwhile as depression or anything in that family is extremely debilitating.
    I hope the Hubby is doing his part and giving u the support you need...

    If I can help in any way just let me know ! ;)
     
  5. Barbwire

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    I guess what bugs me the most is, hubby seems fine with me not being able to come and just keeps on getting his. If the shoe was on the other foot I think I'd show more compassion.

    It's just weird how interwoven my sex life is with everything else in my life when I'm active and now that I'm not, sex doesn't seem like it was ever all that important at all.
     
  6. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    To cut him off till things improve seems obvious.. You never struck me as the type not to communicate her thoughts n feelings.

    Here's hoping changes internal n external make u a happy camper.
    :)
     
  7. Hot Wheels

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    Something I just thought of as well Barbwire.....
    Has this had any effect on your relatonship with your VB?....or has that been affected as well?
    I wish you well sweetie.....and hope that your doc can do something soon about your missing mojo.....:)
     
  8. cbrmale

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    Having had sex with many, many women (too many to count, in fact), I do know that my oral sex style worked with some and not others. So I used other means with those women, and I'm surprised your husband has tried something different! In other words, if you can masturbate yourself to orgasm, so can he. My wife really enjoys it when I hug and kiss her while rubbing her, and she comes while we're still kissing.

    It's almost certain the medications, whatever they are, are the source of your problem as doctors ALWAYS are the masters of understatement. But if you want orgasm during sex, then your husband will have to be a bit more experimentative (and less selfish!).

    Communication is the key, and you will need to start this one yourself. Another one is to talk to your doctor about your problem and see if there are alternative medications with less of an impact. Doctors are human (I work with them so I know), and they are married and have sex too. A simple discussion about treatment with lesser side-effects may get you closer to where you once were.

    Testosterone is the key sex-drive hormone, and I do know there is a lot more emphasis on female testosterone levels, and testosterone replacement for women when this is required. Another one to check on: get your total and free testosterone levels checked (free testosterone is very important, as this is the testosterone which is available in your system for sex drive and orgasm). Unfortunately you do not have a national health system so it will cost, but it will still be worth it to run these tests.
     
    #8 cbrmale, Jun 10, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2011
  9. Barbwire

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    I don't mean to sound like a twat when you were just trying to be helpful but, witholding sex has always seemed like a childish thing to do and I'm in an adult relationship.

    I can no longer orgasm when I have phone or cam sex with my lover. We still talk just as much as ever but, we don't have mutual hand parties anymore.

    I did discuss the libido issue with my doctor but, I also told her I was happy about how I felt besides being a bit tired. We decided to keep me on the meds I'm on and she also added a new med for another issue I have that recently came up. (hypothyroidism.) She said that the thyroid med might make me feel more energetic and my libido could return.

    So, until the meds work themselves out, I'm stuck here.



    I never thought about having my T levels tested, I will discuss it with my doc when I see her next. I think we can swing the $25 co-pay. ;)
     
  10. MILF_Rider

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    BW, how long have you been on meds? My wife is on anti-depressants to treat anxiety, she seems to be consistently lower in sex drive starting the day anything changes with her meds and it lasts until about the end of the second period after the change. For example, she switched meds in December and we went from 1-2 times per week to once a month, around Feb. we were back to normal for a month or 2, then she upped dosage, and just in the past week we're back at full speed. In fact, tonight was the 3rd time this week - at the moment I can't keep up with her.

    Part of the thing too is that these down peroods kind of bum me out, I hate to say it but I've kind of been at a point where I have a need to get recharged by the relationship from being rejected for a couple of months. That's been a little hard to do with work I'm doing on the house keeping me up late and being between jobs.
     
  11. Lucky

    Lucky New Member

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    Man Barbwire, I hate that you are experimenting this as I know you are a very sexual person. Maybe adding a few sex toys into the mix might help. Medications can really effect our bodies and mental states. But I would think the Doc would alter them some to help you out. I do hope you work it out before it effects your relationship with the husband. Maybe he needs to join the group and let us give him some advise.
     
  12. 33stack

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    Re: Problems at my end

    i was on 60 mil cymbalta which is a ssri med. and couldnt cum. i cut to 30 mil and now no prob. u may want to look into a dose reduction. i found out that cymbalta is use off label for PE!!! no wonder i had trouble! good luck!
     
  13. MILF_Rider

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    I'd also recommend if you're working with a general practicioner to consider getting a referral to a psychiatrist. But again, either way, they'll tend not to want to make changes unless a problem is persisting 3 months later or if there is some immediate threat to one's health.
     
  14. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    " I don't mean to sound like a twat when you were just trying to be helpful but, witholding sex has always seemed like a childish thing to do and I'm in an adult relationship."

    Umm..

    In this case you seem to be mostly upset that he is insensitive to your needs
    But will use you to get his.
    Seems reasonable to not to scratch his if he does not care to scratch yours.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    Long-term relationships aren't about blackmail, which is why my wife and I went out for dinner to celebtrate our 25th anniversary. In all mature, adult relationships there will be times when one wants sex and the other complies; sometimes it's mutually satisfying and sometimes not. The problem here is that it's mostly not, but that's still not an excuse to sacrifice his well-being.
     
  16. Barbwire

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    I agree with you, Cbrmale. Thank you for your post.

    Beach, you know I find you adorable but, on this one thing we shall have to agree to disagree. Okay, sweetums? ;)

    I feel somewhat better today as the result of being a "bad girl". I showed my tits to cyber guy pal and watched him stroke his cock until he spewed.

    Afterwards, I kept thinking what a naughty bitch I was for straying on a day when both my husband and boyfriend were out of town.

    I imagined how I'd be punished for my transgressions and before I knew it, I was watching porn. The first video I clicked on showed a woman being given a proper spanking with some mild choking thrown in for good measure.

    I had an orgasm about 35 seconds into the video. I spent the next several hours horny but did not get off again but I don't mind. I'm just happy that I was able to come today and that my tits can still inspire a man to whack off.
     
  17. Barbwire

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    PS: Last night I had a round of phone sex with my virtual boyfriend and was able to orgasm. He told me all the things he would do to "punish" me and that got me wet and ready in a very short time.

    I'm thinking my problem was boredom. ???

    I mean, after having a thrill with a new guy yesterday, all of a sudden my libido is back, not the force it was before but, it's back.
     
  18. RawDog

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    I'm happy you figured this one out quickly. My second wife switched to a new antidepressant when her old one stopped working and her libido went through the floor. Precipitated what would become the death knell for our marriage.

    Really glad for you.
     
  19. Barbwire

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    Thank you for your post but, it makes me sad to know that a marriage was killed because the wife has a low sex drive.
     
  20. RawDog

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    Oh, it wasn't only the sex drive. The sex is what made me overlook the fact that she was manic depressive. Once the sex was gone, my patience for her psychotic childishness was gone as well.