Problem with sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by mjtonks, Nov 15, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. mjtonks

    mjtonks New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Ever since my first time a year ago when 19 I think my life with sex has become dull, boring and plain right sad.

    The first time was a little 'rough' as you might expect to be but since then I have become more of an addict than ever. I cant be bothered going out to look for another 'intimate friend'.

    The reason I say I am an addict for sex now is that I cant go half an hour without thinking about it and the results of this are that porn from the local video retailer looks even better. I have been trying to break this cycle for the last 6 months with little or no success. I try to respect women for who they are but it makes things even worse when my friend insists on bringing me to the local strip club. Can someone help me with any possible suggestions before I find that I just cant help thinking every hot girl I go past on the street or sit opposite in the bus.

    Any suggestions?
     
  2. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    You're such a sweetie; I can tell that you're a good guy. That's the problem with having so much testosterone coursing through your system, and I'm sure it's a real challenge, but you're trying to keep your head about you and not get stuck in that mind trap that women are sex objects, and it sounds like you're doing a really good job.

    Dude, your friends aren't holding a gun to your head, are they? One word, use it well: "No." I applaud you for wanting to be a gentleman; they're such a rare breed. Geez, we need more guys like you!

    At your age, you are going to think about sex a lot--that's perfectly normal. It's how you deal with it, whether you let it control your behavior or you control it, that matters. And thoughts are just thoughts, fantasies are perfectly harmless...don't get down on yourself for being human.
     
  3. TheSmpsnsG85

    TheSmpsnsG85 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Texas
    Constant thoughts of sex is definatly normal for men your age. There is a lot of testosterone pumping through you right now. Many guys handle this issue with frequent masterbation. Masterbation is healthy and always open as an option. Your other choice is to find a girl your age who is also very sexual. There are plenty of women who would love a guy with a libido like yours, who is as polite as you are.
     
  4. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Since you have crossed the line so to speak and now you know what everyone is talking about it can be exhilirating. After you find someone who you can be steady with it will begin to pass and you will realise that there is allot more to it then a release. Thinking back to when I was your age it was quite exciting and could not keep my mind off it.

    My suggestion to you would be not to worry so much about being focues on it. In a way it is almost self reinforcing and it is allright to give yourself permission to think about it. Find a non-sexual activity to participate in such as walking, reading (non adult magazines or books), bicycling, athletics, or go to a movie. You know yourself better than anyone else and find a way to focus some of you attention on something else. If you are able to shift your attention and give yourself a break I think you will find your apprehension will begin to subside.
     
  5. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    You aren't your sexuality, you know. Even though it is a big part of you, especially since you are a twenty year old male, it does not have to consume every single bit of your waking life. You are a polite guy, and I know that most women would jump at the chance to be with a man like you. Just bide your time and when the right lady comes along, you will be able to find some direction for all of that sexual energy.
     
  6. mjtonks

    mjtonks New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I appreciate all the feedback. As for what you said "yorkiesmurf" about excercise I had already decided to take up martial arts after hearing from another friend how good and relaxed he felt after training. Also when I said my friend insisted that he take me to the local strip club, it feels like he picked me up and dragged me. I appreciate what he tries to do and gets me out of doors off my computer which I'm usually on but it doesn't need to be quite this scene.

    But the main difference between sitting on my computer watching hot girls on the web and going out and meeting them is the fact that I find I have a social block when it comes to meeting people.

    No one needs to tell me that I should go out and meet people since I hear it enough from the people I already know.

    On TV I hear about all these girls (usually teens) who complain that their not comfortable with their sexuality but no one seems to hear when a guy is.

    Some things I find reassuring to hear, such as 'its normal to think a lot about sex at my age and to mastibate' but if anyone tells me that its normal to have an instant moment of relief (cum) from watching excessive amounts of porn everyday I'll bite my own shoe off or in this case it might be my cock. However I do enjoy talking about it when I don't have to worry about messing everything up with a girl I like in person. But what I want to accomplish is breaking this cycle of watching these particular movies. I may have not experienced it all or very little for that matter but I've swear I seen an awful lot.
     
  7. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah, it's normal for 19-20 year old guys to be horny all the time and it's sweet that you know it isn't right to think of women merely as sex objects, yet you can't help yourself. :) I think talking about it and getting those feelings out will help. Try posting to our forum often. There are lots of really helpful and friendly people here who have heard and done it all!
     
  8. BustHer

    BustHer New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    Growing

    MJtonks, being obsessed with sex at 20 is very normal and finding the easiest path to release is also normal. I looked at my dad's hidden nudey mags when I was young and have always enjoy porn. It is great and thoughtful of you to realize women are not objects to be owned but one of the most fullfulling parts of our lives we can find and love. IMHO you should embrace your sexuality and not try to hide from it or how you feel inside. The hardest lesson I've learned in my life has been to feel comfortable with myself. To understand that how I feel on the inside about sex doe'snt make me a bad, dirty or nasty person. I grew up being told that sex was a nasty dirty thing that was always bad. For years I thought I must be some kind of sexual deviant or mentally sick person because I was constantly horny and all I could think about was getting some young lady naked. When you find the right lady that you can feel open with and not have to worry about messing it up(be yourself) nice things will happen for you:brow. Get out mingle have fun, dont play games with the ladies just be who you are and dont worry about messing it up. If you are being honest with the lady you like you will not mess it up. Dont put performance pressure on yourself, get comfortable with yourself and enjoy life:).
    :bow All bow to the ladies for they are what we desire most:brow
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana

    You are under sexed if you are 20 years old and only think of sex
    every 20 minutes,
    I believe I read years ago that the average for a young guy is
    like 3 minutes, And believe me I can remember when I was 20
    I had my mind on pussy 24/7, Now that Im older I think I could make it
    at 5 minutes w/o thinking about it in one form or another.
    And not to worry thinking of pussy constantly will not make a sex maniac out of you, Simply thinking about sex and doing it is two different things.
    only you know how far your g/f wants to go when you see each other
    and you seem to be the gentelman so stay that way, Of course
    that may mean sticking your hands in your pockets ocasionally to keep them of her. So do what it takes.:sf
     
  10. mjtonks

    mjtonks New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I wish I had all your confidence however I believe that mainly comes from your experience of already having investigated previously. I live in a world which surrounds me that porn you might say is the "devils bane" and its 'apparently' such a bad and disgusting thing. Of course it isn't illegal here but its thrown out with all disgust by the 'proper' people. Apparently where I live, relationships are the best thing you can hope to achieve and are considered appropriate and sex with a partner if its not known about.

    What I don't get is that we're told at school that sex isn't a disgusting thing and yet porn which is 'just sex' usually digitally recorded on to a cd known as a dvd is the most disgusting thing that you can look at and you must be dispicable to do so. When I was in forth form in College (equivilant to what americans call high school) we started our 'sex education' as part of the curriculum and I found out later that half the people in my class had lost their virginity.

    From the above society I live in I believe you will be able to understand that with my first post I wrote that I wanted to break this cycle.

    In all honesty when I am not with a girl I like, not just for her looks, porn is the only relief I have from the cruel doors to the outside world because I can be in my own fantasy, alone, whom others may find disgusting. And after all this I still feel disgusted at myself.
     
  11. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Southern Cone
    Join the club! Now you know you have something in common with 90% of the human race! Lesson N° 1: Realise that we are all the obsessed with sex! Hallaleuya! Lesson N°2: There's a chick out there who's after you!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.