Problem With Monogamy

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by drippinwet21, May 2, 2004.

  1. drippinwet21

    drippinwet21 New Member

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    Help! I am a 20 year old female that has been with my guy for several years. I have cheated several times in the past, often with no remorse. :( My problem that I love him more than life but am still able to do dirt. What is my problem?! Can anyone else relate?
     
  2. Yowsa

    Yowsa New Member

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    Well, I would say that you are at the age that you should be for this. Get it out of your system now so later you can settle down. I think you'll find karma has a way of working things out. Maybe he is getting a little on the side too. Something to think about.
     
  3. deeperlover1978

    deeperlover1978 New Member

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    I agree with Yowsa. You sound like your in that stage where you want to go out and test the fields... get it out of your system but you cant keep being with him cheating on him like so. just my opinion
     
  4. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    I've cheated ONCE in my life...I cheated on my fiance' but that's because he was very mean to me. I was in an abusive relationship.

    The fact that you can do this without remorse...I find that a bit unnerving. Mainly because I feel like if you TRULY loved him, he'd be all that you needed. Maybe you should try being single for a while...take some time apart and then play the field. Does he know that you've cheated? I think if he did it would really hurt him and I'm sure you don't want to hurt him. Be alone a while, play the field...then find someone to settle down with! Just my two cents worth!

    Vampie
     
  5. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    I agree with Vampie. I have cheated in the past and I was also in an abusive relationship. But I felt horrible about it & couldn't deal with it anymore. I finally broke things off and realized that I can't handle doing that.

    I do have an ex-bf that I talk to once in a while & he's doing the same thing you are. He's been with the same girl for a few years now & he's constantly cheating on her. She completely clueless and head over heels for him. I ask him all the time if he feels bad for what he does and he tells me that he feels guilty for about a day....and then he's off looking for the next chick to bang. I still consider him a friend, but I truly hope his GF dumps his ass for all that he's done to her.

    Try putting yourself in your BF's shoes and maybe you'll realize that you shouldn't be cheating on him or that you two need to split. It sounds like it'd be the best for the both of you.
     
  6. NaughtyKitty

    NaughtyKitty New Member

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    My boyfriend has a huge problem with monogamy and I've definately had my heart broken over it :(

    It's ok if you don't want to stay commited to one person, but I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't bring someone down with you. I suggest you end your relationship, stop cheating, or tell him what's going on, before you hurt him.
     
  7. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    You shouldn't be in a relationship if you want to have sex with other people. You'll end up hurting yourself and him. Even if you cheat on him and dont tell him about it, it'll eat you up inside and if it doesn't it should. There's no point in trying to be monogamous if your hearts not in it, you should be single. When you are really in love you'll know it because you only want to give yourself to that one person. I am an ex-cheater and only stopped after I matured and realised it wasn't working for me and causing pain. Also having my ex partner retaliate to my infedelity after we got back together stung my pride big time.

    You are young so go play the field, get fired up with boys/girls whatever just do it as a single girl otherwise your life will get messier and more complicated. You have many years to find yourself and have sexual flings. Love doesn't come around as much as sexual partners do, so when it does, it deserves to be valued and respected, which to me, includes monogomy unless you are both agreeing to the sexual activity taking place (menage a trois etc).

    How would you feel if you were being cheated on?
     
  8. abc123

    abc123 New Member

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    I too agree with Vampie. If you can cheat on someone, perhaps you don't love him the way you should. However, perhaps I don't totally understand the subject, and you truly do love him. Perhaps it is possible to love somoene and still want to cheat for sexual reasons. I think you feel insecure, and cheating gives you a false sense of power. Anyway, I would suggest that you get psychological help, and do your best to not cheat on your bf.

    I believe that if you go with your urge to cheat, that you are only feeding the habit. So try not to.
     
  9. Venus69

    Venus69 New Member

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    Venus69

    I can totally relate. I have been with my partner 15 years, we have three children. However, although I know it is wrong, I have a strong desire to have sex with other men, and maybe women too! I have done this on three occassions but that was 9 years ago when we were not getting on very well. Now things are good, but the thought of never having anyone else is so wierd. I love the thrill of doing something naughty. I want to try it again, but I don't want to get caught, (too many people's lives would be affected). Damn, why isn't sex safe anymore, I love the thought of cocks squirting their cum all over me, and down my throat, up my cunt but condoms stuff everything up.
    Drippinwet, how do you get so wet? I have a problem with that these days (35 now). Do you know of any lubricants that are not flavoured but are edible. No, I s'pose you don't need it. Anyone else know of a good one?
     
  10. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

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    Monogamy is more difficult for some people. As others have said many people enjoy experimenting in their youth and then “settle down.” Others only fool around when their relationships are in trouble. Then there are still others who go through their lives enjoying variety. Be true to yourself and honest with others.