Problem with masturbating

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AGFUNK, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    I've had a problem with my husband masturbating ever since we were living apart for the last thirteen weeks of our pregnancy. We only saw each other once a week and then we had to have sex in a very small bathroom being completely quiet.

    At first he wouldn't masturbate and would wait for me. Over time he started to at least once a week. Being hormonal I had issues with it not being me getting him off even though he thought of me.

    After we moved back together I was healing from birthing our son. We began masturbating each other a week after birth. I didn't like when he took a shower by himself because that usually meant he was jerking off plus the fact that I needed a shower as well ( I wasn't comfortable leaving our son without us). He worked third shift and took two hours to get there plus he had to sleep as well so commuting and work took up a lot of his time.

    When we got our own place it was had finding time to ourselves. Little guy wouldn't be put down for long and it was difficult to get him to sleep for long periods of time. We started having sex four weeks after birth. Took a week off and started again at five weeks. I wasn't able to find time to masturbate since we (mostly I) bed share since I'm nursing and it's easier and I get more sleep that way. I got upset when he masturbated since I was horny as all hell and not getting anything. No time to myself and no sex.

    We've had several arguments about it mostly me getting upset and going off the handle. I never had a problem with him masturbating until we were separated for a long period of time. I don't know how to get over this and get back to the point where I used to be. I already tried talking it out in my mind that I was being ridiculous and I've even bought him a jerking off toy. I just don't know what to do other than that. If anyone could offer advice that would be great. As of now he doesn't jerk off at all. I masturbate when I find time because the frequency of sex just isn't enough for me even though we try to have sex about twice a week. He even had sex with me the other day just so I could get off.
     
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  2. Joys

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    AGFUNK, I just responded to your other post about Mismatched libidos. Wife & I have sex very rarely (much rare than twice a week) because of kids, work etc but mainly because of my "much lower drive". But I must confess I do masturbate and that's frequently.

    So, are you still upset that he's masturbating and you're not getting anything?? But you also say that you got him a jerking off toy (which I think is a very nice and kind gesture)
     
  3. AGFUNK

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    I do have a problem with him masturbating when I don't get sex from him. I would at least like time to myself so I could get off as well. I wouldn't have as big of a problem with it. But I don't get time to myself and it hurts when he takes the time to get off but basically says the hell with me. Especially since my libido is through the roof. I basically want some kind of sex or masturbation at least twice a day.
     
  4. Joys

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    I can understand that frustration. I guess you have already talked with him or at least tried to. And I can relate to him if he didn't want to talk about it or just acted unconcerned. I do it because I really can't express myself about this. May I ask how long you've been together and when the baby was born?
     
  5. AGFUNK

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    Yes, we've talked about it. Guess it just slips his mind. Often when I do get time to myself everyone is home and we live in a studio so it's hard to masturbate anyway. But it's nicer weather now so hopefully it won't be a problem anymore. And yes he always acts unconcerned about it. I get why he has a lower drive it's just frustrating for me and I really try not to make a big deal out of it. We only talk about it when I'm at my breaking point with it and with out the masturbating it happens to be more often than I like.

    We were together four years before little one was born, three years when we conceived.
     
  6. Joys

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    So 7 years in total and you did have quite some time alone unlike us. We had only about a year before wife was pregnant to our 1st and I thought it was really early and was not sure if I wanted kids (my 2nd marriage, none from 1st). It did affect us sexually (negatively) and had to abandon some things we wanted to do together.

    I can guess his attitude is more like a temporary decline of his sexual appetite. About your opportunities for masturbation, do you use toys?? If so, you can consider getting one of those double balls or small vibrating bullets that you can discretely use when clothed, even when taking the little guy to park etc... Just a thought:p
     
  7. AGFUNK

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    No, not 7. Just four. I said three when we conceived because our four year anniversary 4 days before he was born.

    That's an idea. It's worth a try. We do go for walks. He's still too little for the park.
     
  8. Joys

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    I got it wrong then. 4 years in total and 3 with the little?? Then we come more alike. 1 year together.
    Still, the difference is, we've been together for 15 years. Our reasons may be much different. I can't see your page so I don't know much about you.

    Masturbation is not a bad thing. Another suggestion that my wife liked a lot is the "thong". Take a look at it in our pics (http://www.sexualforums.com/gallery/photos/exhilarating-pleasure-craddle.6005/). You can wear it under your skirt anywhere.

    Still, I wish you and your man can settle this. You are honest and dear and he must understand that but you also must understand that you can't raise a dick if the dick is low
     
  9. Joys

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    "you can't raise a dick if the dick is low" hey, that2s a motto LOL
     
  10. AGFUNK

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    Our son is nearly five months old. We had three years completely alone.
     
  11. Joys

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    damn.. but you dont say that.. It's not my math:eek:
     
  12. Joys

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    OK, want to "try to" help each other?
     
  13. AGFUNK

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    How so?
     
  14. Joys

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    Seems it's just us here but I don't mind. Could feel better in private conversation but will be with you. First, please excuse me for my language, English is not my native tongue.

    How we can help each other? Not by masturbating of course :D Sorry..

    I am a guy who goes by logic. To go by logic, you have to break free of all your beliefs and just try to reason.

    Logic will not take you anywhere. It will not help you out of your frustrations. It may increase your frustrastions. You will have to deny all the beliefs that have comforted you. You will not be comforted anymore.
    You sure you want to talk about that? Or just our sex lives?

    You are a woman saying you can't get any from your husband and can't get enough time to masturbate, I am a man saying I have lost interest in sex and "perform" occasionally with aid of Cialis mostly.

    If you want to discuss how it's ok with me but the "why" beats me too
     
  15. AGFUNK

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    I'm only looking for ways to cope by myself. Not really understanding what you're saying.

    Since your wife has the higher drive how does she cope with not having sex often?
     
  16. Joys

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    I guess by fussing with the kids:D.
     
  17. AGFUNK

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    And I woke up this morning to him masturbating in the shower. I went off again. Not as much as I would have if I was feeling well. I've had a migraine all night and nauseous this morning. He keeps saying I'm pregnant again. That's just making me more pissed.
     
  18. Joys

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    So, him masturbating makes you angry.. Have you ever told him to masturbate in front of you?? Do you think you (and he) can handle that??
     
  19. AGFUNK

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    He will but it often leads to more because I get horny. We will only be getting each other off or masturbating mutually for a few months due to pregnancy scare.

    He didn't get off this morning. He said he couldn't get the porn to load. I have no problem getting him off whenever he asks granted I am not busy with our son.
     
  20. Joys

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    Still confused here.. You have no problem getting him off whenever he asks when you are not busy with our son but can't get yourself off..