Problem With GF

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sadden, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. Sadden

    Sadden New Member

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    So tonight my GF and i had an argument.

    It started out as a play argument over something stupid. It was starting to transpire to a more serious argument so i left and was going to go outside. We were both saying/being inappropriate at this point. So me still trying to play argue with her called her a nasty name.

    Now we play argue all the time , and we have never had something like this before. We joke around quite a bit , and i often say things such as "C'mere woman" and stuff like that in a joking manner. She has always taken it as such.

    In the past year i have felt that i should not be saying such things even in a joking enviroment even though she does not take offence to it. So i have been working on not saying such things.

    Well she needless to say did not take it well. I was outside for 2 minutes and i felt so bad i immediatly went in to apologize. She was in the bathroom bawling and called me an asshole and said she was breaking up with me. She moved up here to Canada for me and now she wants to move back to North Carolina.

    Ultimately i wont keep her here against her will but i am hoping to resolve this issue as i dont really want to end a near 3 year relationship over an argument over weather or not you can tell the differenece between cheap and expensive laminate just by looking at it.

    (My argument being that you cant until during/after the install. Looking at 2 pieces side by side it is exceptionally hard to tell. During install the cheap stuff is more difficult to install as it tends to make a hump where 2 piece meet if your not carefull , and throughout the life of the home it marks up much more easily. This is from personal experience. She feels that because she has been reading about homes for the past couple weeks she is suddenly an expert in the field..)


    Any advice?
     
  2. redfish961

    redfish961 New Member

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    Not sure how old you are, but regardless, my advice would be pick your battles.

    Laminate nor weather are good battles, in my opinion.

    One thing I've always thought is who wins the trophy and what is such trophy?

    If there is none, there is nothing to gain.

    I simply don't participate...there's a reason I seek "open relationships" only, so take my advice with a grain of salt :)
     
  3. Meee

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    What I'm hearing is "playful" disrespect. Nasty names, "C'mere woman," and so on might seem like playfulness, but it's going to wear a relationship down. When you were snide about her reading up on something, that was probably the last straw. Your disrespect is too real. A pattern of play arguing is really just arguing.

    This hostile kind of playfulness isn't a substitute for romance. Be affectionate, accepting, encouraging, complimentary. You might be able to salvage this relationship and change its direction to something warm. Good luck.
     
    #3 Meee, Nov 13, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2012
  4. redfish961

    redfish961 New Member

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    Yep Meee,

    Disrespect is never a winner.
     
  5. Sadden

    Sadden New Member

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    I talked alot about my own faults in my first post. you are right i am not always the most respectfull with my language. The play arguing is something we both contribute to. On that note i am actually very respectfull most of the time. I always open car and house doors for her every singlr time we go anywhere. And i am an affectionate caring person. Last month i spent 5k to take us both to her hometown so we could spend some time with her family. paid for entirely by me. I then asked her fathers permission to marry her. She has been wanting to be engaged for over a year.
     
  6. Rando

    Rando New Member

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    First off, congratulations on your engagement. You seem like a chill guy, and for the most part so does your girlfriend. I have a similar relationship with mine. She calls me names to mess with me sometimes but we both know it's playful. An example is that she's spanish so she'll call me her puto to fuck with me lol.

    Back to the point though. I'm not sure I can disagree with Meee since she has a point, but if you two use the bickering just to be funny then it shouldnt be a big deal. This might sound a little too in depth since I don't know the details of your relationship, but here goes. She might feel scared since she is in a completely new place with you, but also excited because you recently asked for her hand in marriage. This in turn could make her anxiety worse since you two had your first "couple's fight" over some petty bullshit.

    She may not have understood you two were playing in that moment because she became caught up in the swirl of thoughts and fears in her head. People worry all the time, especially women who are going through complex changes in their life. It sounds like you handled all of the changes in circumstances well because you initiated them. She may second thoughts, not doubts, because she is now letting the choices in her life rest in the hands of a man she is about the spend the rest of her life with. Reality is setting in and she might not know how to deal with it all yet. Hence when you two fake argued a switch in her head flipped her into hysterical crying mode because she's scared married life with you might be like that all the time.

    Understanding the stress she is in, how she handles things, and her overall perspective will help you understand her emotional cues. It's pretty much a personalized woman barometer. No one on this earth knows her better than you do, and she might want you to key into things like that. I'm sure she took the question seriously because she's finally taking you two seriously. Do you know what I mean?

    Haha I'm sorry it's 6 am on the east coast and this bud got to me earlier. If you can make sense of my ramble I hope it helps. To add, my girlfriend is going through a similar time in her life although on a smaller scale. She recently transferred to the college I attend and is taking the transition hard. After only three days on campus she told me she was going to transfer again. She's sensitive to things like that and it was tough for me to deal with it at first. We fought on and off four a month or two. Debated breaking up. I made her cry on more than one occasion. Things were just different, it didnt feel right. But then I realized that things will always be different. Things change all the time. So I decided to just be there for her center myself and our relationship is back on course.

    Everyone else in this thread is right. The core of a relationship takes compassion, acceptance and communication. However my last piece of advice is to never lose that fun spark that made you two so playful. Just find news ways to work with it.

    Hope this helps haha.
     
  7. lbushwalker

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    "Sorry" is a pretty powerful word when uttered with genuine remorse.
    Remember females hear and see differently to us dudes and are also more sensitives at certain times.
    We loves them even as we do not fully understand them and that may mean sometimes giving in when we believe to be 110% right in situations that really do no matter a whole lot.
     
  8. donk730

    donk730 Member

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    3 things a guy has to learn to say in a relationship are yes dear, you are right, I'm sorry
     
  9. Barbwire

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    Mee and Rando,

    Thank you both for taking the time to write such great posts. It warms the cockles of my heart to see such great advice being doled out here on SF.



     
  10. Sadden

    Sadden New Member

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    Thanks guys. but as of this morning its not looking good.
     
  11. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    i wonder, is the "play arguing" and from what it sounds like, verbal dominence on your part, is what she was really upset about? Maybe she likes it and is ashamed/shy to tell you? you need to get to the root of the problem, and its probably NOT the flooring...