Problem orgasming

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by TShins, Jan 2, 2008.

  1. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    Well, as my first post i'd figured I would get to it.

    I'm a healthy, 20 year old guy, who's had a very active lifestyle for the past two years.
    I have a girlfriend, who i've been dating for almost two months. I really like the girl, and we've had sex almost every time we get together. I've been with literally 50 other women and i've never had the problem I have now.

    I can't orgasm with her for some reason. She has orgasms about 50% of the times we've had relations but for some reason I have not been able to reach climax in my entire two month relationship with her. We've done oral, Vaginal, anal, and Mutual Masturbation. Nothing seems to work, even long periods of sex do nothing (6+ hours of straight vaginal, in the end she was in too much pain to continue) I know this can be hard for a girl, with feelings of inadequacy, but I don't think its her fault. I can barely make myself orgasm now even with solo masturbation. It doesn't sound like impotence, I get an extremely hard erection, but our acts never seem to come to fruition for me.

    I just don't know what to do. What makes it worse is she tells me she has a cum fetish. I really do like her and she is very sexually attractive, and has a great personality, the whole nine yards, I love bringing her to orgasm as well. But i just have no idea what to do.

    if anyone at all knows something I can do to help solve this situation, please respond.
     
  2. cook74

    Gold Member

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    Shit mate, that's a tough one. If you are young and healthy (not taking drugs or overindulging with the vino) then I can only see a mental issue here. Especially considering your sexual history.

    Are you tense, worried etc. before sex?

    Is your partner coping with your lack of orgasm okay, or is there derision and snide remarks?

    Did the first inability to orgasm have a lingering effect on your self esteem?

    I really think you should try looking at these kinds of questions and dealing with those issues (not necessarily the ones stated above) before you look at the possible physiological problems.

    Anyway, stay tuned to your thread because I am sure you will get some good advice. :)
     
  3. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    I'm pretty healthy, I smoke cigarettes, but I don't think that has much to do with it,
    I'm not really tense or worried, but sometimes before she comes over, or when i'm on the way over I think, am I going to cum? But then I put it out of my mind, and tell myself, that doesn't matter, If she gets hers and I don't happen to get mine...well thats okay.

    She is coping well, sometimes she begs for it, but that doesn't make it happen :(

    The first time I was just like wow, I didn't orgasm. The second time I was like hmm... okay well maybe its her. Then as we started going along I realized it wasn't her.
     
  4. cbrmale

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    Smoking can have a lot to do with sexual problems. Indeed, it is not a matter of IF you will have a problem but a matter of WHICH and WHEN.

    I suggest you get a referral to see a urologist to make sure the problem isn't physical. If the urologist can't help you, try counselling with a qualified psychologist to remove any mental blocks.
     
  5. Bluesy

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    Very much in agreement. Smoking will totally fuck up your body, it's only a matter of how and when. This might be a ripe opportunity for quitting, no?

    What he said. Failure to achieve orgasm can very quickly and easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy...many people overcome this by letting go of their desire to orgasm. Once you've freed yourself of expectations, the anxiety accompanying the process gradually subsides, and most people then find that orgasm happens quite naturally.

    ETA: Btw, are you on any medications?
     
  6. FlirtyChick

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    What they both said....Ditto.....Good Luck
     
  7. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    I'm not on any medications, and I don't really think I smoke enough to really give me many problems sexually. But i guess its mental.
     
  8. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    No one told you?

    You only get 50, you bastard. Sorry, your dick stops working at 51.

    :lol
     
  9. cook74

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    At the age of 20 I doubt that smoking has had any effect on sexual performance. I know it is bad to smoke and every one that does should give it up. It is a filthy habit :tsktsk etc. But really...The man is only 20!!!

    If it is physical rather than psychological it could stem from a number of different things. If we are gong to look at smoking, then lets look at diet, sleeping patterns and even the tightness of underwear. :eek

    Although I believe the issue here is psychological if the OP has any doubts then he should definitely seek professional advice.

    (BTW. This advice has come from a baby that smokes and I am a bit of an apologist for the tobacco companies :p )
     
  10. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Time to go and see a professional. two actually. A doctor for the physical part, and one for the psychie. There might be problems your not aware of. My ex fiancee was kinda in the same boat. We would do everything. there were times I could get her screaming and then there were times I would lick her for almost 40 minutes and nothing would happen. I thought it was my technique until her GF tried and got no where. (one reason she is the ex..lol) She went to a Head Doctor and got some issues resolved before things ended with us. Next thing I know, I could spend 10 minutes and BOOM, she was cumming. ( I could tell, her interior muslces would contract fiercly) Start thinking of what might be upsetting, and try to lose the cigs...
     
  11. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    update: I cam very close today :p I have 7 days exactly left in Country now, deployment is coming up. I think i've figured out the mental issue, but we were interrupted as my parents came in :O. but, i'm seeing her every day until I leave, so we'll see what happens.
     
  12. FlirtyChick

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    Atta boy! Good luck to you, and get all you can before you leave. I hope you stay safe and get back home ASAP!!!!!!:)
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Everybody cheer now! T-shins, T-shins, T-shins...:D
     
  14. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Take turns!

    Have HER go 1st! Take one night to focus on just what she wants! Maybe you need to forget yourself and find the joy of making her happy! Leave your pleasure on back burner.

    Then on a separate night, focus on you! Eventually you should get a good rythme down.
     
  15. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    already do that Juicy :)
     
  16. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    OK, it was her turn ...

    Just what did you do?