primero sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by lokahi, Feb 19, 2006.

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  1. lokahi

    lokahi New Member

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    so like two days ago had sex for the first time. quite painful, as to be expected. didnt expect to get anything out of it either, ie orgasm. probably because i was so damn nervous i could not be aroused. so anywho, tried it again for the second time and i got nothing out of it again! its quite disapointing. like we fooled around a bit before hand but as it went on, i just lost it all. i was bored with the repetiveness after a few minutes. lord is it always going to be this way for me? what do i have to do to get an orgasm? do i have to get mine before we even start with him? help me before i never want to have sex again!
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Welcome to the Sexualforums, lokahi!
    Many things come to mind.
    Is this your partner's first time as well? Sounds like he has no clue where YOUR hot spots are for pleasure. If you have orgasmed through masturbation, you are aware of what areas arouse you toward climaxing. Hopefully, you feel close enough to this person to be able to verbalize what you like (and what does nothing for you, as well). Without a good bit of experience under their belt (nice pun, huh? ) men are really groping the dark over what a woman enjoys.
    That said, another thing comes to mind. Perhaps you are worrying far too much about the final explosion, and not getting in touch with some of the enjoyment of sex that comes before the cum. Do you enjoy the feel of your partner's body: Carressing, exploring, licking, touching (and he doing the same to you). Doing all this- without anticipating an orgasm. I get the feeling your head is always ahead of the moment, because you just want that big bang. - yet, the moment is what feeds the enjoyment of the whole act.
    Slow down, talk, laugh, share a glass of wine, maybe even play one of those 'sex games' you can get at an adult store. - and try doing it without planning on an orgasm. if you have to, take care of business later for the "O".
    Don't get frustrated, you've only had sex twice! I had sex for a couple years before I had an orgasm - but I DO remember enjoying sex anyway.
     
  3. Logger

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    Dear Lokahi,

    Welcome to SF!

    Perhaps you could try to discuss your preferences with your partner. Orgasm often takes a feeling of trust and control. Your partner may be willing to adjust to better meet your needs. During sex, communication can be difficult, because complex movements and preferences take more words than generally used during sex. So you may be able to have discussions between sexual encounters, to discuss simple words for complex feedback.

    Have you thought of family planning? How do those issues play out for you during sex?

    There are other important considerations in sex. Any number of factors can hamper your letting yourself climax.

    Sex is the sumation of myriad feelings. Trust in your relationship, for instance. Chance of Pregnancy, Fidelity, Expectations, Finacial Security, Chances of STD's, and fulfilling the needs/desires in the relationship. Certainly your orgasm is an important part of sex, but there are a number of other pieces of the pie that can enhance or restrict the flow of emotions, affecting climax.

    Under some circumstances some issues seem remote and unimportant. As your relationship grows, other issues may start to seem more important.

    Blessings.
     
  4. pussycat69

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    I think for some people,it's just a matter of getting used to.The first few times may or may not be enjoyable.You yourself have to figure out what you like or dislike,find your spots(kinda depends too if you have ever been intimate with yourself before).Figure out your fettishes.Also,your partner kind of has to figure you out as well.Once this happens--the big "o" will sneak up on you.And as Rose said...it also depends if it was his first time...he has to go through the same process.But it definitely gets better.Be patient and open minded.It's also easier when your with someone you can really trust.

    Good luck.I wish you many orgasms:)
     
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