[Ask a Girl] Pretty confused! Need advice on next step

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by warrengizy, Sep 20, 2010.

  1. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    So I'm the sort of nice guy who every girl says they want but always end up going for the bad guy. I've had a few one night stands here and there but lately, my pride and morals are starting to get the better of me, and I'm unwilling to pick up girls at clubs anymore even though that's what I set out to do at the start of the night. I think now, I'm unable to "disguise" the fact that I'm only interested in the sex and not in her. - Anyway that's just an intro into my single life

    So anyway, I met this girl like 3 weeks ago and I've just been completely blown away! Now I have pretty high standards when it comes to girls and most of my past girlfriends, there is always a couple of things that I don't like about her but willing to overlook or compromise. But this girl seems to tick EVERY box!!! Even the "optional" or "nice to have" boxes! She's pretty much perfect!! Can't seem to get her out of my head!!
    Anyway she came up to me and introduced herself and that's how we got chatting (and with every word she said, I was thinking wow, she's even a lot better than she looks).
    The second time we met, - a week later - we exchanged numbers!

    Then in a round about sort of way, I got her to go out with me for dinner which was our third time meeting - about 4 days later (even tho she'd just wanted drinks since she couldn't afford dinner as she's jobless)!

    Personally, I think the dinner went great and lots of chit chatty and laughs and we seemed to get on really well - happy days!! There was even a suggestion/hint by her that we could be doing it again! Basically she said she now has to take me out for dinner and pay since it was the second time I was paying for her meal (First time it wasn't just both of us). So just to expand quickly on that, she mentioned another restaurant and how the food there was great. So I said "wow, gonna have to check that out some time" intentionally not hinting that we should go there together! But she then replied "We should, but you have to order what I suggest" So I thot - Happy Days

    Anyway, the meal went on quite well, and I really liked the way she took charge and showing a slight "bossy" side but thats an overly strong word to use (normally, girls tend to be totally passive when out with guys, expecting the guy to do everything)

    So I walked her back to get her bus home, we chatted for a whole longer and that was it (no hug or anything). Exchanged a couple more texts that night - again really nice texts to make me think she was looking forward to seeing me again as I was her which would be in a couple of days time.

    So that day came, (weekly gathering) and for some reason, we didn't chat that much! Just a few exchanges but we both spent most of the time chatting to random people even though I was still closely watching her :ugh !! Anyway so she mentioned she was heading off home and she left - I hadn't even said goodbye at this point. (So I hastily finished up the conversation I was having with some other random dude and left as well hoping to catch up with her (or she'd wait for me)and we'd walk down together. But as I was heading out, there she was again coming back in, apparently she needed to use the bathroom quickly before setting off again! So instead of me to just carry on heading off, I decided I'ld wait for her outside. So I did and when she turned up again, she looked really supprised that I had waited for her but anyway we walked down together, and for sure, the rapport we had just a couple of days earlier was completely gone! I was struggling to have a conversation with her, dunno if I was nervous or what, but by the time we parted ways, I felt like the biggest duffous on the planet! And spent the rest of the day kicking myself! I've never really felt like this over a chic before so don't even know why I'm kicking myself. Couldn't even sleep, I was thinking about it that bad!

    Anyway so it's the new week, and I'm thinking how should I play it now? I'll be seeing her again on Thurs but feel I should get in touch before then! There's a few follow up things I could maybe text her about (from when we had the dinner together) but not sure. so need advice please? I def don't want to scare her away by telling her how i feel that she's the most perfect girl I've ever met and bla bla bla but at the same time, I really want to let her know how I feel and also get to know how she feels. I def don't want to end up in the friend box as I don't think I can bear being friends with her!


    EDIT: Wow just read this again! I'm such a sloppy so and so:ugh
     
    #1 warrengizy, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  2. Meee

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    Hi. What I'm going to say isn't meant personally, because I don't know you, but I'm not getting a "nice guy" feeling. What makes you nice? What makes the bad guys bad? What makes you not like them?
     
  3. Meee

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    I mean, what makes you not the same as them?
     
  4. HardRocker

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    That change in behavior is very strange, warrengizy. You sure you didn't encounter a twin sister? I'm kind of kidding, but it's a thought. Before I comment on her, I would like to point out something I picked up from you. A couple of times you mentioned how to "Play" the situation. Maybe that's just an expression that you used to describe how to approach her, but I think it's best to be observant of her attitude next time you talk with her and decide what to do and say as it develops. If you try to have a planned conversation it might fall apart and leave you clueless.

    Maybe if you take the lead by telling her how much you enjoyed your time together, and see how she reciprocates. It sounds kind of like high schoolish behavior, but I'm thinking you're past those days. I don't know, maybe you've got a strange bird. I hope you'll let us know how it turns out. I wish I had more advice, but the only way I see is to go straight to the source of the confusion and ask her. Maybe she wonders why you didn't approach her the next time you were at the same gathering. If I see a woman in another forum asking the same questions about a really cool guy she met, I'll set y'all up with a date.:lol
     
  5. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    You're sprung. I've been there many times. Nobody is perfect even though you may think so. Sounds like you like her a lot (atleast you think you do).Sounds like a physical attraction. Make sure you two are compatible on a deeper level and that you can get a long. I would text with her often, see how that goes. Maybe take things slow. Sounds like you two haven't even hugged yet, I'm not sure. She does sound like she likes you...I would just make sure you're on the same page before you tell her the whole kitten caboodle. I've told women they are absolutely stunning, beautiful this and that, On dates and so forth. Luckily she accepted it, not every girl is the same way, especially if you haven't gotten close with her. My main point is take things slow, think before you act and it will benefit you in the long run :cool. Also don't get too caught up with her...if you can hang out with your friends too, because if things end with her, you will want to have people to help you cope with loosing "The perfect girl"
     
  6. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    To answer your question Meee, I actually have a lot of respect for girls (could do with the fact that I'm the only boy out of 4 girls in my family) regardless of who they are. And I do (or did) have a lot of relationships with girls in my younger days and most will tell me how they've stayed in a relationship with a guy that pretty much doesn't even care about them. I've treated all my past girlfriends, even casual ones really well and I'll always will.

    She's def not a kid herself (she's a very matured 24, I'm 28) so I wouldn't expect her to be playing high school games with me.
    I'll send her a jokey text today and see how it goes! But yeah we've not even hugged!! I just need to really avoid being put into the "very nice friend" box! oh well....
     
  7. HardRocker

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    Instead of beating around the bush with a jokey text, why not call her and ask her out? That'll cut straight to it so you don't have to wonder anymore.
     
  8. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Absolutely!

    I might not be a Don Juan-kinda guy, but one thing that I KNOW to be true, is most women aren't that different than men when it comes to thinking about what they want. She's probably figuring that she's dropped all the clues, but your just not getting them or not interested.

    I don't beat around the bush anymore. I haven't for a long time. If you wanna know the biggest difference that a woman sees in a "bad boy" and a nice guy, it's the attitude. A bad boy will say what he wants, a nice guy is too shy to say it at all. IMO.....what you need to do is follow the above advice and just go straight to her and tell her what you feel. I wouldn't be all gushy and mushy in the delivery, but just tell her that your seriously "into her" and want to take her out on another date and see how things go. At that point, she'll have no choice but to tell you that's she likes you too, or she doesn't.

    Good luck.
     
  9. Meee

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    You know, sometimes a girl will be standing there talking with a boy, and it just reaches a moment--like a critical mass or something--when it's time for him to ask her out. If he doesn't, her heart starts to sink. The conversation winds down awkwardly.

    Do I sound like I've been there? Well I have. I don't know why you will be seeing her on Thursday, but you had better ask her out then. Make it a specific time, place, and activity, and use the actual word "date."
     
  10. HardRocker

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    Okay, Warren, that's an order, ya got it:yell?

    :lol

    And you will report back with the results.:D
     
  11. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Meee! is right. With every girl there is a critical period, sometimes a week, sometimes a single moment where it is the responsibility of one party or the other (usually the guy) to initiate something to happen. This could either be a request of a date, a kiss, etc... just SOMETHING to take the relationship to teh next personal step before it relaxes into a comfortable friendship or polite aquaintance.

    My advise is to step up assertively while you can. CALL her, don't text her. A text is a shy man's statement. And while many women find shy men cute, in my experience there are very few who would want to date one long term or marry one.

    Hope it works out.
    ~Steve
     
  12. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    Tell her you like her and ask her to go on a date. Don't mention love or anything like that - not at this point at any rate.

    What Meee said is correct. Women have a critical point and once it's passed it may be too late.

    Try also to give her the impression that you like her, but that you won't be emotionally damaged if she's not into you.
     
  13. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    Ok so due to my organisation skills, I had double booked myself so wouldn't be able to attend the small group meet on Thurs meaning I'm not gonna see her then.
    So I guess I'm gonna have to figure out a way to meet up with her this week - just the two of us!:)
    I'ld love to ask her out but guess I am/was just waiting for the perfect moment! Gonna have to just call her at some random time this week and ask I guess! wow!

    If you excuse me now, I'm gonna have to go fix the truck!
     
  14. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    Ok so called her up and after a brief chat, suggested a lil hang out thing at the weekend! But then got a big knock back! Oh well, guess it wasn't meant to be :-(
     
  15. Meee

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    Sorry it didn't work out, but here's a reminder for next time:

    I believe it makes a difference, instead of:

    That reminds of me of my high school experiences (still sadly recent): "So, um, like, you wanna hang out sometime? Like, this weekend or something?" Success rate: Low.
     
  16. FlirtyChick

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    Dude, I am not usually this un-eloquent, but sounds like she has a problem with trust and basically she is not that into you. I can tell you this, as an outsider, but cannot recoginize it in my life.
     
  17. warrengizy

    warrengizy New Member

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    Didn't use the word hang out! Was a bit more specific than that but the reason why she'd been acting up a bit since the initial dinner we had was because she was getting vibes I liked her so she decided to really back off!
    Guess she's not really interested at all
     
  18. FlirtyChick

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    Moving on.....I hope.
     
  19. too_thick

    too_thick Member

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    thats why I dress like a jerk + buzz cut

    it really does make me look like a mean person :p



    it does attract a lot of attention
     
  20. FlirtyChick

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    You must be the bad guy all the girls go for!