premature ejaculation with my g/f

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by mustangguy, Mar 1, 2007.

  1. mustangguy

    mustangguy New Member

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    okay, it started out innocently enough. we had great sex to begin with (except for the first time, it was my first time in 2 years lol). we went through some relationship problems for awhile, and got over those. well after those problems occoured i had a premature ejaculation problem. long story short, we got into a big fight, i told her i was always mad at her because she refuses to have sex with me, and she said "i doesnt do anything for me, it sucks, theres no reason in me gettin all worked up and nothing happens" (nothing happens b/c i cum within about 3 minutes of sex if im lucky).

    we used to go for an hour or more if she wanted. i used to be in total control. we used ot have sex 3-4 times a night, now its about once every 2 weeks if im lucky. i have tried the damned numbing creams/sprays/condoms. i have scoured the internet. nothing helps

    please help me as i love this girl but the problems im having are ruining our relationship. obviously im 23 yrs old im gonna be grumpy about not getting any with a girl i have been wiht for over a year. and i understand sex doesnt happen as often as it did in a relationships beginnings, but i mean come on i cant go on without sex like this. and its obviously damaging our relationship.

    PLEASE HELP ME!
     
  2. NaughtyKnickers

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    Welcome mustangguy!

    I can't offer advice about premature ejaculation, but I can offer a warm welcome, and encouragement that there are alot of helpful, knowledgeable men on this forum that should be able to give you some advice in dealing with your situation.

    Best wishes! ;)
     
  3. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    Based on the limited information provided, I do not think your PE is the root of your problems.

    I would have PE if I only have sex every couple of weeks.

    I do not know what the problem is, but I do know that I am 48, married and still getting some every day. So do not assume that a mature relationship is without sex, or infrequent sex.

    You two will need to dig deeper and decide if you want to be together. Then decide what it will take to get there.
     
  4. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    These may be of some use ......

    Simple Remedies

    Many techniques are used to control premature ejaculation. “The squeeze technique” is popular and effective amongst all. Squeeze technique is a behavioral therapy. If a man senses that he is about to experience premature ejaculation, he interrupts sexual relations. Then the man or his partner squeezes the shaft of his penis between a thumb and two fingers applying gentle pressure just below the head of the penis for 20 seconds. And then sexual relations can be resumed. The technique can be repeated as often as necessary. When this technique is successful, it enables the man to learn to delay ejaculation with the squeeze, and eventually, to gain control over ejaculation without the squeeze.

    The Masters & Johnson method:

    The best way to combat premature ejaculation is by learning to control the sensations prior to orgasm. This method takes time and practice, but it is very effective.

    First you need to bring yourself close to orgasm (this can be done via masturbation, without the involvement of your partner) and then stop and relax before recommencing. Each time you need to bring yourself closer to orgasm until finally you cannot control it. If you do this often enough, you will learn where your point of climax is. This is helpful when interacting with your partner.

    You will need to practice reaching your climax point with your partner by engaging in non-penetrative sex so that when you feel it is near, you signal them to stop and you allow your erection to subside. This also needs to be repeated so that you and your partner are familiar with the procedure.

    Once you feel you are ready for intercourse, it is best to start by lying on your back so that you can guide your partner during penetration. When you are near orgasm, give your partner a signal to stop and you should relax and start again. Once you get the hang of it (it may take several weeks or months), premature ejaculation shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

    A variant of this method involves the partner squeezing the tip of the penis just before orgasm ("squeeze technique"). This pushes blood out of the penis and reduces the erection.
     
  5. fstep

    fstep Banned

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    tried that before problem is after i do that squeeze thing the mood kinda dies down and its hard to get it back up...
     
  6. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Try the other method mentioned then.....when you are pleasuring yourself stop before you ejaculate...wiat a small amount of time then carry on, keep doing this for as long as you want to, theres no quick solution to this its just a matter of time and patience + Practice...

    I cant really be of much more help because i havnt suffered from PE before but have had Impotence ...
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    Do you get her off orally before penetration? A couple times? If not, you should. The majority of women don't orgasm from penetration anyway, so if you hone your oral skills you're not likely to hear "nothing happens" again. If more guys would just learn to give great oral to their women, there would be a lot fewer unsatisfied women (and men) in the world. Your statement that "nothing happens b/c I cum within about 3 minutes" is probably an incorrect assumption. If you don't do the oral thing first, even 30 minutes of pounding isn't going to make you God's gift to women. I'm short, fat, bald and poor, but when I was single a few years back I had a half dozen lovely women begging me for sex constantly. I think the main reason was because I gave them oral like they'd never had.

    That said, she may just not be "into" sex. Some people, men and women, just have a low sex drive. That doesn't mean they won't have a lot of sex at the beginning of a relationship for various reasons, but after awhile it just becomes a chore. My first wife was that way. I divorced her after 12-15 years of total abstinence (and 10 years of infrequent sex before that). And to be honest, I didn't really learn the fine art of cunnilingus until after her. Who knows? Had I really mastered the art earlier we might have had a better sex life -- but I doubt it would have mattered much.

    There could be other explanations, like has she recently changed birth control pills, etc.? BC pills/patches/shots can wreak havoc on a woman's libido, as can depression, anti-depression drugs, stress, self esteem, etc., etc. But my guess is that if you can give her a nice series of orgasms from oral before the 3-minute fuck-fest, she won't use the "it doesn't do anything for me" line again.
     
  8. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    What Joe said :bow
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Reading down the posts I intended to say a few words
    but Joe just beat me to those words.
    But may I add that having oral sex is what you need to do but
    it will not work if you don't get Her in the mood for it, So make
    a point of Making Love To Her Not just Fucking and
    sucking Her, Maybe that is what is missing.


    Hiker:sf
     
  10. mustangguy

    mustangguy New Member

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    okay, heres a response to a few things said:

    about oral sex, for some reason my g/f does not like it. im pretty good at it, but even intially when i did it she doesnt like it. she enjoys getting off from penetration, as it's the only way she can.

    and what people said about us being together. i believe a good deal of our problems now stem from my problem. im constantly angry about not getting any, as with any relationship which had sex before, a man will become frustrated when he's not getting any (im 23, like i said im at an age where frequent sex is kind of a big deal to me, lol).

    and about her, she used to be a freak. we have done lots of things that took me to the edge beginning in our relationship. now, since i have had this problem (and as i said, it didnt occour before our initial relationship problems, which leads me to believe its related to that psychologically) we dont have sex very often. i understand, if i was getting all worked up but not able to get off i would be frustrated as well, and probably avoid sex with her.

    i have tried extended foreplay, fingering, etc... but that makes me get off faster when i penetrate. we have watched dirty videos, etc... and that really turns her on. i just feel inadequate. perhaps most of my problem is performance anxiety in that i feel as i cant get her off or something, and that makes me subliminally try to come as fast as possible to get away from her as i know she doesnt enjoy it.

    honestly i feel if i were to sleep with another girl at this moment it wouldnt be an issue, but im not gonna do that to prove myself, lol.
     
  11. mustangguy

    mustangguy New Member

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    i might add the problem is only getting worse. i want to make this better. i will also add im a stressed person as a recent college grad with lots of bills, a fulltime job, the relationship problems, etc... i am also a little bit depressed, but i am not on any medication (i really cant because of the career field i work in, law enforcement, i could but it'd cause problems). i go through spells where i feel unhappy for a month or two then everythings good. maybe thats the problem?
     
  12. cbrmale

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    Mustangguy,
    I don't make this advice lightly, but to me it seems like your girlfriend and you are not suited to each other. You should think long and hard about your relationship, and where you see it heading, and how it may be affecting your depression and your sexual performance.

    You should talk about this with your girlfriend, but if it seems as if things aren't going to improve, maybe the relationship has run its course.
     
  13. MattyEvil

    MattyEvil New Member

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    have you tryed using toys with the oral or warming her up with them , or in combination with your penetration? i dated this girl that was in love with her vibrator and would get herself off with it 2 or 3 times a day and it became hard for her to get off with out it. so it had to become part of our whole thing. not that it was a bad thing but we just had to work with eachothers needs in the bedroom. maybe you could try masturbating before the sex or have her go down on you first to prolong the second orgasm when you are having intercoarse. good luck
     
  14. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    That makes it hard. Oral is the most consistant way for her to cum IMO.
     
  15. mustangguy

    mustangguy New Member

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    yeah she doesnt get off orally as hard as she does with sex. she says it's really uncomfortable for her. i have made her cum like that and she says it's not as good as penetration. personally, i'd like to get back to the way i was before i had this problem than try to dodge it by going down on her and stuff like that to supplement it (although i love licking her pussy ;)), as i said she likes cumming from penetration, not from gettin some face.
    i know there's no easy solution that will work overnight for this, i just wanted advice from someone who's maybe had this problem before.

    tonight i talked to my buddy whom i havent spoken to in a long time. i told him about this and he said he has always been a 2 minute guy. seems this is more common than i thought it was. makes me have a little more confidence, like i should be able to get back to the way i was with relative ease.

    i think i have a confidence issue right now and overcoming that is the major obstacle
     
  16. Funseeker

    Funseeker New Member

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    Practice squeezing your crunchhole as hard as you can, over and over until you cant anymore. Alternately start squeezing and holding it clenched for as long as your can. As you develop muscular coordination down there you'll find you'll be able to just tense you cock muscle predominantly, and when tightened before liftoff, you'll be able to go longer.

    There will be the added benefit of blast radius, as you get stronger you'll really be able to launch it.
     
  17. mustangguy

    mustangguy New Member

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    so what when you're doing it you just clinch down on your muscles down there and it blocks you cumming? i mean i guess i'd have to stop pumping my cock in her or i will keep cumming right?

    like i said, i believe that this is a confidence thing. since this post was made i have made efforts while masturbating to not cum as fast, and im gaining some control, but i've yet to try it out on the lady, as i havent hardly seen her this week.

    i saw her one night, and she refused to have sex with me. if this is an issue and she's not willing to help me get back to the way it was i will break up with her. sometimes knowing that she's on my side helps me alot with this kind of stuff, but lately she hasnt been very good about it, she wont even touch me down there. i can understand it frustrates her that i cant get her off by sex so why even try, i guess thats whats going on in her mind, but i will not put up with it much longer.
     
  18. cbrmale

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    The average duration for intercourse for single men is three to five minutes, and you say you last three or thereabouts, so you are in the ballpark. I have seen four or five statistical studies that back up the three to five minutes scenario, and even asked a professional escort in my city when I was doing some website work for her.

    For married men, intercourse duration is longer, typically five to ten minutes. It is not surprising that you last longer when you get regular sex.

    For the partners of the three to five minute men, or even the five to ten minute men, well it is clear they get a lot of satisfaction from good oral skills! This is what normal sex is about, but your girlfriend is being very difficult.

    So for you, you can make an effort to last longer than three minutes, but you shouldn't feel that you are inadquate or something is massively wrong, because it isn't.
     
  19. Funseeker

    Funseeker New Member

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    When you get the hang of it you will be able to keep going while holding it. You'll be able to flex and control yourself just below the threshold and "regroup" so to speak. Hold off a couple of waves and you will be amazed at the amout of jizz you can produce. You will have some misfires, shit happens. It not a nuclear device. Destruction is minimal and you can always reload.

    Confidence is everything. You sound like you've been shaken, and it's mostly performance anxiety. Don't sweat it, if it's not perfect keep trying.

    Keep making her feel good between rounds and show no fear. Your lack of self assurance can rub off. Nobody can read your mind. The difference between a one-hump chump, and fixing a temporary problem, lies with the desire to improve. You'd be surprised what good old fashioned enthusiasm brings to the table.