Power games?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Tangent, Jan 17, 2004.

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  1. Tangent

    Tangent New Member

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    I'm curious to know what people think about power games in sex.

    For instance, one thing that hugely turns me on is for my girlfriend to lay on the bed (or kneel on the floor) and take my penis in her mouth, then I hold onto her head and basically shag her mouth until I come. This doesn't particularly turn her on, but she does it because I enjoy it so much.

    Outside of the bedroom we have an amazing relationship, we've been together for years and couldn't imagine being apart. These kind of 'power games' don't seem to have any sort of negative impact on that, for us at least. And of course we have plenty of amazing sex in more normal ways (which she enjoys more), but for me the above sort of thing is the ultimate turn-on.

    Just curious to know what people thought. No doubt I'll get lots of replies calling me a sicko, but there must be a fair few guys out there for whom this kind of thing is a fantasy. I'd be interested to hear a woman's perspective too!
     
  2. Logger

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    Power Sex

    Ideally, you and your partner will simultaneously desire to have the same type of sex at the exact same moment. Realistically, that does not happen that often.

    So in reality, one or both partners are compromising. You are calling the negotiating process by which you get your fantasy fulfilled, Power.

    Several factors to consider, is how often you pull this off, and how much resistance you are perceiving, and how long it has been since you last pulled it off, and what the resistance level was at that time.

    Several sex books recommend being sensitive to resistance from your partner. They recommend that when you first perceive resistance to stop, and disconnect and lay back. Meditate and envison your partner's body. Try to see what part seems receptive and start working that part. Even imagine in your meditation that you are your partner, and envison the part of the body that is most receptive.

    With prostitution, you make an agreement with your partner, and receive a certain performance for a certain fee. With a relationship, the negotiation is less direct. You will find yourself wanting to do things to please yopur partner, and your partner will be doing things to please you. The part you are talking about is where you are pushing your partner to do something against some small amount of resistance.

    The amount of resistance is one of the keys to look for. Obviously if she is screaming, "NO! STOP! NO! STOP! NO!" and the police come and arrest you, then you were insufficiently sensitive. There are degrees of pushing that encounter resistance short of the obvious. You have to pay attention to what your partner says, but women don't always tell us the whole truth, so we have to read body language, and check out feelings and hunches.

    Men are the ones with Testosterone, and we are often the aggressors, including for sexual contact. Welcome to the dilemnas of manhood. Having been married for a while, and not in a real powerful position with my wife, I usually start with the positon that seems the easiest to work with at the time. I rarely try to visualize my ideal fantasies, but my wife knows what I like and occasionally makes the effort to accommodate me.

    I have read some assertive posts by married women who seem to feel that their husbands should only get sex when the wife desires to have sex, and only in the way that the wife likes to have it.

    You should not count on martial sex to exactly duplicate pre-marital sex. Those activities where your wife was doing things to please you may be decreased after marriage.

    There is a part of power that is an aphrodesiac. The use of some types of power by a man over a woman will have some apparent resistance, but will actaully serve to highten the woman's love and willingness to provide pleasure. Sometimes I will work with my wife in the positon I find her. I will encounter resistance if I nudge her to move to a more accessible position. But sometimes, I will exercise my nudging power over resistance, and move her to a more accessible position, and find my wife smiling in an inviting frame of mind. Application of power in some circumstances yeilds increased loving.

    Sometimes I just get more resistance and some cursing when I try to nudge my wife int a mmore accessible postion. Application of power to increase loving needs good judgement and luck.

    Logger
     
    #2 Logger, Jan 18, 2004
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2004
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