Potential Threesome Issues

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sagittarius84, Sep 1, 2014.

  1. Sagittarius84

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    So like many guys I know, my gf has mentioned an interest in having a threesome on multiple occasions. While we were dating about 5yrs ago, I just chalked it up as drunk bravado, her trying to pique my interest. But even after we moved in together, and without the influence of alcohol she has mentioned it a few more times, without any prompting from me. Thankfully(LOL) shes only expressed interest in a FMF, which works out perfectly for me.
    I've never pushed this in anyway, named any potential thirds, or expressed any undo interest beyond the typical male excitement at the prospect of two women at the same time. I've let her lead this little process because i think she genuinely(but unfoundedly) believes that she could be introducing me to her replacement. So, when it comes to third selection I have let that fall on her shoulders. Not long ago she mentioned an old friend that could be a possible third. Personality wise she sounded cool but upon further inspection I don't find her physically attractive at all. Then i realized that could be an awkward situation, If I let her know that. So I ask, should I just abandon this entire notion, and tell her that, or just subtly and silently audit her choices until we have a winner?
     
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  2. jt _couple2012

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    Usually people question the idea itself but, since you have decided to do it why don't u do it for her this time and pick a different girl next time.
     
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  3. naughty4u

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    I'd think if it was her idea to do a FmF and not her just indulging in your fantasy .. The choice of the female should be hers.. She has to feel comfortable with who she is bringing into the bedroom! Most women are going to feel insecure if you pick someone thinner? Better built? Younger? Older? Knowing that these are things you are turned on by that she isn't? It's a slippery slope.. Good luck! I'd want to try a MFM myself .. But I think partner is going to pick the other man and for that reason .. Someone he feels comfortable with?
     
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  4. jt _couple2012

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    hi this is the wife... honestly for any threesome to work it has to be a mutual attraction... something about the third that sparks the two... it won't work if you force it... chemistry and sexual attraction is everything!
     
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  5. Doitagain

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    Well it sounds good to me. If you are okay with it and are aware of things that can go wrong go for it. And ye s let her pick but you should veto it if it doesn't feel right. All involved should be on the same page and no one should ever do it just for the other person.
     
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  6. Sagittarius84

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    I'm pretty reluctant to make any choices at this point. There is a definite disconnect between what she finds attractive and what she will allow me to be around. I think she's hell bent on making my fantasy adhere to her reality.
     
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  7. AGFUNK

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    But you said in your op that it was her fantasy. She should be the one to pick but you both should agree.
     
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  8. Sagittarius84

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    The threesome itself is her fantasy. My fantasy I was referring to was the physical characteristics of the potential third. I just have a feeling that she's going to keep picking people that she knows I'm not going to find attractive, which at least to me it seems indicative of physical insecurity.
     
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  9. Mittimer

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    Well, is your ideal of who's attractive nothing like what your girlfriend looks like?
     
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  10. minskminx

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    The problem with threesomes is that someone is always more attracted to one rather than the other. I have never had a threesome with a partner I had a relationship with but I have had threesomes with two who are partners and it is always awkward. Usually the man is more interested in the 'new' conquest but there are other combinations.

    I don't think threesomes are really very helpful for people in relationships and can cause problems. The best way is for everyone to be independent and single.
     
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  11. Sagittarius84

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    Not necessarily, but Ive always been honest with her as to the wide range of women that I am attracted to. she does happen to be a little bigger herself but that's never really made a difference to me, now more so than ever because she's pregnant.(BTW given that piece of information I know this is nothing that will be pursued at least for the next 9 months or so). it just disturbed me but I think she may be thinking of people that are perhaps bigger than she is or less attractive than she is purposely. I can understand her attempts perhaps keep me from straying, but having lived with for 5 years I know she wouldn't be doing herself any favors by picking some thats not attractive.
     
  12. clonly602

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    Do it.. see how it goes. Worst case you mention to her that it was ok, but you would rather just be with her. (This plays well with the current emotions and possible lack of feeling sexy being prego)
     
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  13. cbrmale

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    I have been a few MFM threesomes as the man brought in by the husband to have sex with his wife, and it has always been on the wife's final yes or no, but usually by the time we meet the husband is hot to see us together the wife can't easily back out! In a few cases the MFM came about because the wife refused the husband's request for a FMF but was up to having a threesome around her. I have done two FMF threesomes myself and the reality is quite different to the fantasy. A man cannot, with the best will in the world, satisfy two women, but two women in a bisexual situation does work. I have done the latter. The converse, the MFM works well; a woman can be satisfied by two men (and more) where we men are more restricted. Who's the weaker sex?

    Based on how this is heading and based on my experiences of FMF threesomes, I would let this be. Really, unless the women are into each other enough to get down to it sexually, it really is hard work and not much fun.
     
  14. Sagittarius84

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    Yeah there's no doubt my gf has bi tendencies,if she were alone in this venture she'd probably be hooking up with the hottest woman possible. I however have no bi tendencies, so th presence of another man is out. If we do this we both get to play, otherwise its unfair. She seems willing to let me play, only if she gets to pawn,off the shitty equipment on me, so to speak.
     
  15. Sagittarius84

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    So I waited patiently, and threesome issue was raised again, probably due to something we saw on TV. Based on the exchange, I'm fairly sure it's never going to happen. As I mentioned in an earlier post, she's pregnant, so I made sure to tread carefully, but I resolved to be as honest as I tactfully could. It started with her gushing over some famous woman's picture, could've been Scarlett Johanssen or even Kim K's recent gluteal masterpiece. Due to my increased sensitivity to my gfs pregnant state(as well a possible physiosympathetic loss of libido), my response was a bit lukewarm. She couldn't believe it. She stated that in the unlikely situation that one of these women were to approach me, that I'd be all over them. Again, my response was lukewarm, so she wanted an explanation. I told her it was because of her. She seemed a bit taken aback, so I clarified. I told her that in theory that a tryst would be fun, but her mere existence would make the experience unpleasant. She tried to say in a "hall pass" situation she couldn't be angry. I reminded her of her jealous nature, how she has(and possibly still does) "FB stalked" all of my female FB friends. About how she flipped out when a female co worker called me, about how my current job gives me anxiety, becauseI am regularly called by women I don't really know. I basically laid out that there is no permutation of reality that I can imagine in which my pleasuring a woman or a woman pleasuring me wouldn't result in her anger, even with her permission/presence.
    She tried to say I would feel the same way about her with another person, but I made sure to clarify. My concerns about her in a polyamorous situation are based purely off of her personality..she has consistently proven herself prone to being "dickmatized" meaning she will develop deeper feelings for any guy who fucks her good enough. I on the other hand have shown that sex is really only a small part of my affection, and in all honesty I am quite capable of fucking a girl without wanting to be with her afterward, a skill she's lost since her teenage yrs.

    After that I dropped the subject, because it was going to lead to deeper issues such as sexual fulfillment, which is not a subject an 8 month pregnant woman can really address unbiasedly.

    So now I just wait.. I figure once the baby is born we can go to a counselor or something, because while a threesome may be not an option something must be done about the sexual fulfillment discrepancy between us two(in that she's more than satisfied, I'm sliding towards "meh" territory.) And I think we need a neutral third party involved because in my experience very few men have ever expressed dissatisfaction in their sexual life without basically being cut off from all activity.
     
  16. sagswing

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    You don't really say how adventurous your sex life was prior to the pregnancy so I'm going to "assume" it was kinda vanilla. While threesomes can be quite fun :D don't forget about ramping up what you are doing simply as a couple. Get a bit risqué with PDAs, go out without her wearing underwear, a bit of spanking? Sex in unusual places? Toys? Restraints? Blindfolds? Maybe some voyeurism and exhibitionism at a swing club without anyone else joining?

    Just wanted to make sure you consider the possibilities of ramping up without necessarily going the threesome route.

    Also, don't know if this is your first child, but don't be surprised if your lady experiences some PPD so things may be a bit slow after the birth also. I've found that a long lanquous sensual massage goes a long way in making sure she knows you love her and think she's sexy as hell . . . make sure the massage is ALL ABOUT HER though.

    Good luck!
     
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  17. Doitagain

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    What he said above me
     
  18. Sagittarius84

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    I hate to sound like that guy, but this seems like advice more geared to increasing her satisfaction, which isn't currently an issue. Almost like the question posed was " why won't she have sex with me" which is in no way the problem. Besides, she goes commando semi regularly(laundry day), voyuerism and exhibitionism will possibly involve a different female presence(big no-no for her), and PDA typically comes off as a public display of insecurity to me.
    I'm somewhat convinced there's some aesthetic issues at play here both physically and emotionally tied to a lack of percieved effort on her part.
     
  19. sagswing

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    Well ok then . . . closer reading showed many ideas that are "out" so not quite sure what to tell you. A threesome is going to be tough to pull off if another guy is "out" for you and a different female is "out" for her. Kinda narrows the choices. Hope it all works out for both of you in the end though. No harm, no foul.
     
  20. Mittimer

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    Rather then thinking shes trying to find someone that's bigger then her or less attractive then her so she doesn't feel insecure, have you considered she's attracted to bigger girls?

    I personally like bigger ladies. Curvy, large breasts, thick asses. It doesn't mean I'm trying to be insecure and find someone my husband isn't attracted to, it's just my preference.