Post-Modern Dirty Limericks

These made me chuckle, and no I didn't write them. They're copied/pasted from this website.

Here's one I can relate to personally :brow :

On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a hot sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
About having to type,
With a hand stuck down into their pants.

Love this one:

In convertibles she was quite brash,
When she put her feet up on the dash.
As a trucker drove by,
Her bare crotch caught his eye,
And four people were killed in the crash.

And this one's a little dated but still funny:

It started on Capitol Hill,
That the right has gone in for the kill.
A Starr fell from the sky,
Will slick Willie slide by,
And does Monica's dress show a spill?

This one :rofl :

With the heat of their passion quite high,
In the dark she had grabbed the K-Y,
But her burning desire,
Quickly set him on fire,
When she smeared that Ben-Gay on the guy.

I'm sure some :sf members can relate to this one.

On Viagra was old man Muldoon,
When he went on his third honeymoon.
Morning coffee was brewin',
When he started in screwin',
And he finished at twelve o'clock noon.

And finally...:

There once was a woman named Sutton,
Who played night and day with her button.
When asked why she did,
She mentioned her id,
And confessed to just being a glutton.

 

A shapely young miss from Wake Forest
She had a tremendous clitoris
Her friends, you see, thought her name was Marie
but her intimates knew her as Horace!

A young miss from South Carolina
put fiddle strings across her vagina
When she used her dildo, the music would flow
Tocatta and fugue in D minor!

I sat by the Sexual Forums men at tea!
Ah, twas just as I feared it would be!
Their rumblings, abdominal, were truly phenomenal!
And everyone thought it was ME!

 

Her hubby! I dub you the SF Poet Laureate! Prepare for a title change!

 

We are a fun group, aren't we? The Capitalist, the Grandma, the Poet, the Whore...... lol.

 

That's "Raging Capitalist" ... :lol

EDIT: and What the deuce is up with YOUR title mel?

 

Dear sir, I am sorry. I didn't mean to cut yours short at all! My title..... well, it seems I earned the judgement. Every community needs a whore, eh? Makes the good girls feel better about themselves (or something like that).

 

So you're the whore, I'm the pissed of white college kid, HerHubby is a poet, Rose is a sexy Granny, and ... we got a whole cast of characters don't we?

 

I is jist as happy as an ol' hawg wallerin' in slop! I is jist so PROUD of my new title! Thank ya!

"Melicious is our whore,
our delightful whore
whom we adore!" ;>

 

We sound like an interesting deck of Tarot cards, or that we should all be on a pilgrimage to Canterbury.

I used to be The Dominatrix before I became a mod.

I noticed you have Henry VIII as your avvie HerHubby so here's something you might appreciate:

Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.

Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady greensleeves.

The song is attributed to King Henry VIII, although never proven to be. The original is quite long :brow so I only wrote the first verse and chorus.

 

Grammar Dominatrix ... heh, THOSE were the days.

 

Our good friend Ryan usually waits
to do castrations while he masturbates!
He doesn't think it a sin
whacking off doing discipline!
It's just the sticky keyboard
that he hates!:jerkit

 

Ah Puss and Krof make love all night
in Sweden, enthusiastically!
We wish they'd leave their computer on
and post sex pics for us all to see! ;>

 

The above to the tune of "Greensleeves" of course! ;>

 

Wonder how the Archbishop of Canterbury would feel about these limericks?

 

Bless you, my children!

 

I don't know, but I'm sure Chaucer would have loved them.