PORN: The Good, The Bad, The Hotness?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by oksure, Oct 26, 2008.

  1. oksure

    oksure New Member

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    Hi,

    Sorry about the long history and build up to my questions, but I thought some background might be useful for you to get a sense of the depth of, and the 'why' behind my confusion.

    I am feeling confuzzled about porn.

    Growing up in my religion, porn was (and is) a huge no-no. In fact, the Victorian Era thinking of my religion -- that sex was just to produce babies, and as many as we possibly can have -- has only changed in the past few decades to include strengthening spousal relationships and increasing the bonds of love, etc.

    To give you a glimpse of the prudishness...in the early 1980's our church came out with the direction that members were not to engage in oral sex because it was an "unnatural, impure, unholy practice". So for the first decade or so of my marriage I always felt guilty about giving or receiving oral sex, because I felt I had God with a piano hanging over my head that he might drop at any moment (a kind, loving and forgiving God isn't always the God that we take away from our religions I guess...).

    As a teenager I actually joined Canadians For Decency, an anti-pornography movement. I even arranged for a speaker come into our Church. I even spoke too on the topic. I was Miss Anti-Porn back in the day. Our church taught, and teaches still, that porn is EVIL and a SIN. And after 30+ years of hearing that, well, I still feel that it IS just that, though, I frankly LOVE IT and wish I could watch it and not feel like God is going to smite me down...

    Fast forward to 4 kids and 16 years of marriage later, AND the fact that I now realize I am bi-sexual (I suppressed this for, well, for at least the past 16+ years, I wouldn't even admit to myself, I just buried the thoughts and feelings as being 'evil and bad' and therefore that I MYSELF was 'evil and bad' -- yeah, the God piano syndrome again). And now I also find myself stepping back from believing that my church has a 'bat phone to God' and I can see that most of what we have is man-made and not God-given...though my feelings of 'guilt and badness' remain.

    I have a low-ish libido. Well, I HAD a low one. It has improved dramatically since I've allowed myself to fantasize about girls and to share those fantasies with hubby. He tells me that it's like, a night and day difference...and I can tell too, yay me! And he is very supportive of my liking girls and fantasizing about girls, though I think he wonders what this means for how I feel about 'him'.

    To originally help me see if I really liked girls or not, he had me watch girls kiss on YouTube (no nudity). I loved it, very very hot. Then we watched L Word (loved it...especially seeing women's breasts and the kissing etc.)...but all of the F-words were too much for me and we only got through 1.5 seasons. And now we watch movies like Kissing Jessica Stein, Lake Consequence, etc. Which I like and which get me hot -- the nudity and kissing is fine, if there is a storyline. But when he tries to put on 'straight porn' (even soft-porn like Playboy Lingerie or whatever), well I just feel all dirty and guilty -- though I LOVE what I'm seeing and my hubby wishes I'd let US watch more of this kind of porn (I guess I wish I'd let us watch it too), after 5-10 minutes I tell him to turn it off cuz I just feel too 'guilty'. NOTE: I can't yet bring myself to watch the 'bottom half' stuff going on right now, it's just too, I don't know, overwhelming I guess, it makes it just feel 'blatantly obvious' that it's porn and then the piano comes crashing down, but I think the soft-porn I could easily get into, if I could get over my former (and present) self. smile.gif


    QUESTIONS: (You don't need to answer them all...but do you have any thoughts for me?)

    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn).

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?

    THANKS.
    OkSure
     
  2. HillyMiku

    HillyMiku New Member

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    #1- some porn affects me in a good way. I love watching women be powerful- I don't like watching it when it's all about the man.

    #2- Porn has affected ANY relationship of mine in the positive. The only time I can conceive it turning out badly is when the man starts to think I should look like a porn star. NOT COOL. I've used porn for ideas and pointers- and they've worked. It also taught me to fake an orgasm (not recommended but what can ya do?)

    #3- Are you talking psychological studies? Here is an article by WorldToday http://www.abc.net.au/worldtoday/content/2004/s1178524.htm

    #4- House (the TV show) just had a storyline with girl-on-girl action. That might not help you but it was kinda cool to see.

    #5- you're not going to hell. I am of the belief that if it was bad, g-d wouldn't make it feel SO good. There are churches and religions that teach you to love who you are - not fear what you believe. If you are a good person, give back to your community and whatnot- I can't see how g-d would punish you for being into chicks. Love yourself and cut yourself some slack. The afterlife is a long way away...
     
  3. Dreama

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    Hi, and welcome to the forum.

    First of all, I'd like to say that I come from a heavily religious area. Though I am not Christian, and neither are my mother and father, my upbringing had some blatantly conservative religious undertones-one of those undertones being that porn was somehow bad and that one shouldn't watch it. However, since I've been a teen and an adult, I've formulated my own views about such things in a religious and non-religious sense (I'm agnostic). But, in the religious sense, I can't believe there would be a God that would make pleasure centers in the human body, male and female, only to deny us of it. I can't believe there would be a God that would be so dispassionate as to make humans sexual beings and expect us to not like the sex act-watching it and being turned on is the human response, which God made in us, if there is indeed a God. So, this is how I think of it. Now, I'll get to your questions.

    1. Of course, it affects me sexually-any porn I like, which is a wide range of it (I'm also a bi-married lady). It has affected me in a good way-helping me to connect with my husband in a new way, and it helped me to feel comfortable with my sexuality.
    2. My marriage has been improved by leaps and bounds by being able to watch it with my hubby, and fantasize about what they were doing. Being able to be a little experimental keeps a marriage fresh-plus, I love seeing my hubby excited and vice versa.
    3. Here's one study that shows how porn can be good for you. http://www.abc.net.au/worldtoday/content/2004/s1178524.htm
    4. Nothing specific-just look around
    5. Just remember, that if there is a God, he/she/it probably thinks you are just fine. As long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't think God has an issue with you enjoying yourself.
    I hope that this has helped.
     
  4. wrathofjade

    wrathofjade New Member

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    1. No For me it really has not

    2. With my man it is fine. We often enjoy watching it together and getting ideas from what we watch. Since we both like porn it's something we can enjoy together.

    4. I'd recommend just looking at a porn site and getting bits form there before going out and buying a full movie.

    5. Only that you should not feel guilty about sex and your attraction. i know it;s hard to just get over it but you seem to be heading in the right direction anyway.
     
  5. igor

    Gold Member

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    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?

    I was brought up very conservatively and sex was never talked about - even when I asked questions. I had very little premarital sexual contact and only "fooled around" with my then fiance. In my early years, video porn was not available like it is now - the only media really was the Playboy/Penthouse type magazines and of course they didn't show any sexual action. Lovemaking in our early married years was pretty simple and basic (missionary position only, for example) and it was several years before either of us realized that a woman could actually orgasm and really enjoy sex (and even initiate sexual contact)!

    So enter TV porn. MY initial reaction was "Gee, they really do that"? SO porn was the source of my education regarding sex. While we are still pretty simple in our tastes and methods, we are certainly more open and less inhibited and pretty much agree that if we both like something and it's not harmful - why not do it (at least try it once)...

    So to sum it up, I'd have to say it has opened our eyes and made some previously frowned-upon acts seem normal and natural. It has certainly helped.
     
  6. wawoo

    wawoo New Member

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    Girl , you just made me laugh! if there is a God, he will be reading you post right now and...: "You guys should just call me Porngod from now on."
     
  7. cbrmale

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    Pornography and its close cousin erotica have been around for a very long time. Pornographic images were found in the ruins of Pompeii, when excavated; it was assumed they adorned the red light district. Painted pornography existed well before the invention of photos and film, and it didn't take long after photos were possible before we had photograhic porn. Written pornography has been around for a very long time, and well-written explicit sex is as much of a turn-on as anything visual

    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how? Porn affects me like most humans, and it arouses and excites me. I don't use it to enhance our sex life, but I do watch a little porn from time to time because I like it.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how? Porn hasn't much affected my relationship, except that when exposed to pornography I may suddenly develop a deep desire to have sex with my wife. And I don't expect her to look or act like a porn actress, the sex we share is quite different to that. Because we love each other, our sex is much better than anything I will ever view.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn). No.

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them? I know a fantastic movie called 'Le Parfum du d├ęsire' which has some plot and some fantastic scenes where the actors and actresses are more 'into' each other than I ever thought possible. It was recommended to me when I was shopping in Paris a couple of years ago, and is easily available on the Internet. It has some girl-girl action too. It is better if you speak French, but it is dubbed in English as well.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me? My wife is a Christian, and she has similar negative feelings about pornography. On the other hand, there is no doubt that she gets very, very aroused when confronted with it. I think we all do.
     
  8. college_girl

    college_girl New Member

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    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?
    Porn is really what I use when I masturbate and am too lazy to think of sexy thoughts myself. It also gives me ideas on what to do in the bedroom.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?
    It doesn't affect any of my past relationships negatively. Most guys have thought it was cool that I was into porn. And it does "inspire" me which I don't think any guy would complain about.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn).
    Not really, sorry!

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?
    I don't know... I mostly search the internet for it. A lot of the porn is kinda "meh" stuff, but if you look long and hard enough you'll find something you really like. Even though I've been to many sex shops I skip the porn section and go for the toys. Maybe next time I'll remember to look through the porn.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?
    I am a Catholic and I understand the guilt. But honestly... I think it's the church just trying to repress people. Don't deny yourself something that is harmless.
     
  9. HillyMiku

    HillyMiku New Member

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    OKSure, I wanted to add one more thing - I'm not agnostic. I'm actually relatively religious. I was born into a Jewish household and sex was openly discussed (with our mom... no one wanted to talk to our dad about this stuff except my brother). When I made my first move over-seas, my father was very concerned for my sexual health and reminded me that while sex SHOULD be with someone you love- sometimes sex is just sex. Not all religions force the guilt (although my stepdad is Catholic and hated when I had boyfriends over to "watch a movie") - some religions and cultures foster the notion that sex SHOULD be fun. For us, Judaism and its laws are up to interpretation. Every rabbi has a different interpretation but every Rabbi I've ever spoken with about sex has always said "don't deny yourself something that makes you happy - it winds up hurting you more in the end." Sex is not like cocaine - and shouldn't be treated as such.
     
  10. Trixi

    Trixi New Member

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    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?
    Porn sexually excites me. I like it.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?
    It hasn't affected our relationship, except to give us ideas.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn).
    There is a religious series of sexually explicit tapes for couples, for instructional purposes. Sorry I don't know the name, but you might be able to find with google.

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?
    See above. Other than those it will be difficult to find movies without "bad" words.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?
    I'm not a religious person. In fact I don't believe in organized religion at all, and one of the reasons is what happened to you. I think of it this way - Why would God give you brains if he didn't want you to use them and why would he give you the ability to have so much pleasure if he didn't want you to enjoy yourself? Try to put aside those ideas that were put in your head by other PEOPLE. Their opinions are not God's and it's very presumptuous of them to say they are.

    As far as girl-on-girl, there are lots of movies out there. Just do a google search for girl-on-girl porn. Hot girl-on-girl gets me pretty charged up just watching the techniques and imagining how they feel, but I'm as straight as can be.

    Here is a site where you might find more information. There is a blog there where you might ask about sex tapes for Christians.
    http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/christian-marriage-advice.html
    (I hope it's okay to post the site. If not, mods, feel free to delete it and please accept my apologies.)
     
  11. Trixi

    Trixi New Member

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    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?
    Porn sexually excites me. I like it.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?
    It hasn't affected our relationship, except to give us ideas.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn).
    There is a religious series of sexually explicit tapes for couples, for instructional purposes. Sorry I don't know the name, but you might be able to find with google.

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?
    See above. Other than those it will be difficult to find movies without "bad" words.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?
    I'm not a religious person. In fact I don't believe in organized religion at all, and one of the reasons is what happened to you. I think of it this way - Why would God give you brains if he didn't want you to use them and why would he give you the ability to have so much pleasure if he didn't want you to enjoy yourself? Try to put aside those ideas that were put in your head by other PEOPLE. Their opinions are not God's and it's very presumptuous of them to say they are.

    As far as girl-on-girl, there are lots of movies out there. Just do a google search for girl-on-girl porn. Hot girl-on-girl gets me pretty charged up just watching the techniques and imagining how they feel, but I'm as straight as can be.

    Here is a site where you might find more information. There is a blog there where you might ask about sex tapes for Christians.
    http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/christian-marriage-advice.html
    (I hope it's okay to post the site. If not, mods, feel free to delete it and please accept my apologies.)
     
  12. majuro15

    majuro15 New Member

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    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how?
    Yes, as I use it to masturbate usually or before I masturbate. It also gives me ideas for being with my fiance.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how?
    Not yet. I look at it almost daily and have a bunch of movies on my hard drive from the internet. It hasn't come up in my relationship. She knows I look at it but we've never looked at it before together, as she doesn't like it.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn).
    I don't really care what other people say. Their are priests who have sex with little boys, for God's sake. I think I'm okay jerking it to porn in my house. Not hurting anyone else.

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?
    You Porn and Red Tube are good sites for online viewing. I've never bought a movie from a store before, nor do I like the movies that have some fake alien plot in them. I'm watching it to see fucking, that's all I'm interested in.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?
    Find something you like and see what tags are on it. I've found that find true ameature (read: not fake, porno style movies, but actual sex with REAL orgasms) you can search under certain tag lines with better results.
     
  13. oksure

    oksure New Member

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    WOW. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and feedback...I shall read, digest and re-read and re-digest. It is a huge 'shift' for me to make, going from porn being 100% evil, degrading, and demeaning to 100% ok...and I don't know if I'll ever get there (but I know hubby hopes I do...so...well...I'll keep trying). :)

    TTFN
    OkSure
     
  14. FlirtyChick

    Gold Member

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    Please allow me to preface by saying that I believe there is nothing wrong with porn UNLESS one or both partners get so into it that they cannot perform sexually without it or they shun sex with a partner because of it.

    Additionally, many, not all, churches create rules that are not biblically based. This is called legalism and it is ultimate bullshit. Nothing can fuck your head up worse that thinking that God is going to get you for thinking lustful thoughts, or worse acting out on them.

    My old, tired mantra for those on here who have heard it over and over is that sex is a gift from God, and he gave us pleasurable spots and feelings for a reason...use them.

    Now to your questions:


    #1 - Have you found that porn affects YOU sexually...good or bad and or how? I like some porn. Amateur porn is my preference, and I can only take it in short doses. This is only because it makes me hot and I want to get it on, or it just gets boring. I pretty much detest professional porn, and find it to be mainly comical.

    #2 - Have you found that porn affects your relationship / marriage with your MAN (or woman) ...good or bad and or how? No, it doesn't. It is as good as you let it be or as bad as you let it be. Everything in moderation is a good call.

    #3 - Do you know of any studies which delve into the GOOD about porn? (The internet seems to only be full of the NEGATIVE about porn). NOPE

    #4 - What movies (or directors) do you recommend which tend to have a 'story' and some good girl/girl action in them?Have no clue. RedTube has lots of nice, concise, pro and amateur porn, but not usually a plot.

    #5 - Any other thoughts or ideas for me?Enjoy your sexuality and use whatever tools you need to make it awesome. Throw all that old religious garbage out the window and have a great time. The more you discover how good you can feel and how good you can make your partner feel the less inhibitions you will have and the better the orgasms.

    Good Luck, and Welcome to :sf