Polyamory

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Marcpatrick, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    I've been reading up on the subject of late. I kind of like it. It suits my lifestyle very well.
    Does here anyone have any experience in this area?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    For the record, how you view Poly may be different of how I view Poly, so my experience may be different from yours.

    Poly isn't as simple as just...fucking a bunch of people because you can. It's not. Poly is about forming a relationship, a soul bond with one person and gradually introducing more people into your life. The other people could be for sex, money, love, romance, it could be for anything, but there always has to be love involved.

    Too many people now days use the term "Poly" as an excuse to sleep with as man people as they want to while in a relationship and not get shit for it.

    Polyamory is complicated. No doubt about that, it takes a lot of trust, willingness and understanding not to mention, a lot of time, to truly practice it.

    My Fiancee and I have practiced it, we're completely ok with it. It works for us. Neither He nor I have any true jealousy of the other, so it works really well. Plus, there is never any room to be jealous of you're always completely honest with the other party.

    No, sex isn't always involved. Sometimes the new partner can be purely an emotional addition to things.

    As an aside, I have seen relationships fall to the ground , in front of my very eyes, by practicing this. It takes a special type of people to be able to pull this type of relationship off.

    I highly suggest attending a seminar and reading a few books before your decide it's for you. Seminar's that are held have people who live this every day attend and speak. I went to one and it really opened my eyes.

    Above all else, if you decide this is for you, be VERY open with those you're in a relationship with. They have every right to know what they are getting themselves into.
     
  3. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    Thanks for your unbiased and well-written reply, Mittimer.
    I totally agree with you that polyamory can be a cover for people who just want to sleep around outside the confines of a 'normal' relationship.
    On that basis, I do question my myself, and certainly wouldn't want to class myself as polyamorous if that were the case (which might be, I simply don't know). I'm not so fond of classing or labelling myself as anything - I believe that people have fluid natures, and those that don't tend to stagnate.

    I've noticed that polyamory is predominantly popular among women, and I'm quite surprised by that, to be honest. In my experience the women I've come across have leaned towards being pathologically clingy, jealous and possessive in relationships and usually demand sexual and emotional exclusivity from their partners. I would actually have thought that many women would be turned off by polyamory simply because it would increase competition for the attention of their mate.

    My current girlfriend is the only woman I've ever met who has expressed a curiosity in non-monogamous sex. In fact we actually experimented with that two years ago. It didn't turn out quite well, but neither was it a huge disaster or anything like that.

    Polyamory isn't a concept that's very well-known in Europe. I think it's an idea that was probably developed in the American San Francisco scene, which is a well-known centre for alternative lifestyles. In that regard, Americans seem far more open to that sort of thing than Europeans despite our so-called old-world, liberal ways.

    In any case, I don't 'want' to be a polyamorist so that I can have a 'licence' to sleep around - that would simply make me promiscuous. In fact, while I won't deny that I enjoy having sex with new people, I'd much rather become genuine friends with someone than have sex with them. I'm quite extravert and like meeting people; there have been people in my life who I've felt very attracted to, but not necessarily in a purely sexual way.

    I guess the reason I am thinking about these kind of things is that I've made so many major life changes in recent years. I split up with my previous girlfriend after being together for eight years, left her the house, and moved in with a female colleague from work who then became my partner for the last three years. I've also moved to a different city and started a new job. We now live apart but see each other every weekend. Surprisingly us living separately has done wonders for our love life, work life and social life. However, we're both in a new phase of our relationship and don't really know where it's heading.

    I'm planning to bring up all my thoughts and feelings with her this weekend to see what she thinks. I know she feels the same as me with regards to sex. While we both love each other a lot, we've both expressed a desire for sexual partners outside our relationship. Not because we're bored of each other, our sex life is very exciting as I mentioned in a previous post, but because the idea of meeting a new lover turns us both on.

    However, it takes on a slightly different form for us both. While I am ok with my girlfriend having romantic encounters with other people, she's a little uneasy about me having any. So I guess we have different expectations.

    I'm very curious, Mittimer, how you have come to be in a polyamorous relationship and how you and your partner deal with any of the complex issues that surround it. However, that's pretty private I guess, so I don't expect you to answer on a forum.

    I have been reading up on the subject a lot, and some of the experiences I read about from other people seem really similar to mine, so that's what got me interested in the concept of polyamory. I felt that it really described my sexual/romantic persona.

    I might become back to this topic at a later date - must go to sleep so I can be fresh for tomorrow. My girlfriend and I are having drinks with a female friend of ours tomorrow night. We both really like her. She's stunningly good-looking, intelligent and professional. And lesbian. So my chances aren't looking that good. :p However, she's certainly an example of someone I could love without being sexually involved with them.
     
  4. Mittimer

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    Indeed the ins and outs of our relationship is private. I don't have a problem sharing it though. I'll drop you a lengthy private message here very soon explaining everything I can. :)
     
  5. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    Thanks, Mittimer, that would be really nice. I think this is one of those things as well that, although you can read about it, you really need to speak to people who live it.
     
  6. Cy83rDra90n

    Cy83rDra90n New Member

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    Wow! This Is An Old Post But, Feel Free To Tel Us What You Have Been Doing All This Time!