Polyamorous relationships

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Dreama, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. Dreama

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    This is a topic I don't think I've ever seen anything about. In my Human Sexuality class, there was about a paragraph in the book about them, in the Relationships chapter, and I'm just curious, because this is a new concept to me. Not that it appeals to me personally, but it kind of sparked my curiosity. What do you guys think of them? I know they're out there, but I've never heard much about these kinds of relationships. What do you guys know about them? Any experiences with them? I hope this is an interesting enough topic to spark some sort of lively conversation.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I think it sounds very interesting.... I just have to 'Google' it, then get back to you.

    ... who says a Grandma can't learn something new? :lol
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    :whoa
    Okay, I know I'm a bit of the "old school" here, but I'm wondering when the hurt would set in (for ME, anyway).

    "Consensual non-monogamy" - the whole scenario just hurts :ugh I would wonder.... why?
     
  4. Dreama

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    Yeah, it seems a bit painful, to me too. I've never even considered that that was even a possibility...Not that I'd like it to be, but seeing those few lines in my Sexuality book made my eyes almost pop out. Lol
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It's almost 'sad', you know? It's like perhaps some people would rather glorify their indifference toward each other by giving it a 'clinical name', and then ascribing to it. That's just my opinion, mind you. Perhaps others can shine a light on it to which I am blind :shrug
     
  6. Dreama

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    Well, I think all perspectives about this are important, and I certainly value yours. I mean, I'm not even sure about what to think. I guess to each their own, but it seems like such a big thing to take lightly. I too am hoping there is more light to be shined on the subject, because it's new to me.
     
  7. suite91

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    I was pretty sure I knew what Polyamory was about, but when I read the reactions here I thought I too had better Google it. What had I missed?
    The first link was to Wiki. They use several phrases which I though perfectly expressed the views of people involved in a poly lifestyle.

    "...with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved."

    "...one or more partner's wish(es) to have further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships."

    "(Polyamory) is grounded in such concepts as choice, trust, equality of free will, and the more novel idea of compersion, rather than in cultural or religious tradition."

    Hmmm. Knowledge and consent? Meaningful relationships? Choice, trust, free will? Radical ideas! Compersion is an interesting one. A made up word to try to convey what others can't understand - "taking pleasure when one's partner is with another person."
    Crazy talk! The opposite of jealousy? Imagine!

    Sarcasm aside, it is clear to me that several people can love each other intimately when they decide that jealousy doesn't interest them. Jealousy is a killer on relationships.

    My wife and I are swingers. That word covers all sorts interactions but most would agree that the difference between Polyamory and Swinging is emotional entanglements. Swinging is primarily about sex not love. I do not get jealous when my wife has sex with another person - I enjoy it! I might be jealous if she loved another the way she loves me. We are able to swing because we can separate one from the other.

    I don't know anyone personally who is in a ploy relationship but I can understand why/how/what they feel. I'd consider myself lucky if I could put aside my jealousy's like that. I bet their relationships are a lot like monogamous ones in many ways. Especially the best parts - honesty, trust, support, love - sounds attractive to me.

    P
     
  8. Dreama

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    Thanks for the information, suite91. Yeah, it seems like an idea that would be neat, if it could really work. I'm sure it could for some. It's not something I necessarily want, but it's definitely interesting. Of course, I'm pretty ignorant about it, and more power to anyone who wants to be in this type of relationship. :) I'm not here to put anything down, or to say anything is bad, unless it's abuse.
     
  9. Joe

    Joe
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    I remember watching a segment about polyamory on HBO's Real Sex several years ago. I was a little stunned by it at the time, even though I was "playing the field" quite a bit at the time. It wouldn't work for me. No way, no how.

    It's not a lot different than polygamy, and that was commonly practiced by devote members of at least one major religion until recent years -- and still is by some. I guess it just takes a different mind set.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    Not for me, but I can understand how it might work. It's possible to love more than one person at a time, and we've probably all come close to crossing the line between "friendship" and "love relationship" while committed to another. The only difference between the rest of us and those who embrace the poly lifestyle is that we heed the warning signs that we're about to fall for someone else and back off, recommit to the relationship we've got. A person into the poly lifestyle wouldn't hesitate to pursue those feelings and see where they lead. It could be ultimately disastrous...there's always the threat that the new relationship will replace the old, that a person will no longer desire the connection they share with their first partner, or they wind up spreading themselves thin and both relationships suffer, or an inequity in emotional/sexual investment develops and jealousy ensues. I've known a couple of poly people who've said it is a terribly complicated and difficult type of relationship to maintain and it does fail more often than it succeeds. I think you have to be a special sort of person to thrive in this kind of relationship, but if it works, well, hey, why not make the most of it?
     
  11. Dreama

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    Yeah, definitely. You'd definitely have to reprogram your mind to understand that type of thinking. But the topic does have a habit of stunning people, I think, which is why I started the topic.
     
  12. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    My wife and I are sure it's not for us either but I think it's an interesting concept.

    We've been watching HBO's Big Love which centers around a Mormon polygamist family. It's an interesting show but the relationships are more difficult to relate to. (Based more on ideology than social freedom.) I think the first season is on DVD, check it out!
     
  13. Dreama

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    Cool, Bluesy. Thanks for the insight. Yeah, I can see what you are saying. I bet it is a very hard thing to keep up with, especially the amount of time spent with each person. How someone would be able to split their time between two or more people and do other things, like have a job, or go to school, or have a family. Definitely more power to those who make it work. Wow.
     
  14. Bluesy

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    Yeah, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, myself. I think it would be akin to working two full-time jobs :ugh

    Question: Do you think having a cyber-affair (where a person becomes emotionally/sexually involved with someone online) would constitute a type of polyamorous relationship if a person is involved with someone IRL? Those members of the male persuasion who know me know I don't differentiate between virtual and real life sex/relationships (they're of equal significance to me)...so I would say that a person who has an online lover and a real life partner is polyamorous (in a sense). Just wondering what others' take on that would be...
     
  15. Dreama

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    Yeah, I definitely think you could call it that, but if I'm not mistaken, it couldn't be an affair, to truly be polyamourous. I mean, on the Wikipedia page, when I just looked at it, said that the basic tenets include trust and honesty between all partners.

    But, I do think if everyone knows what's going on and is cool with it, in my book it would be classified as poly. Cool question, Bluesy.
     
  16. Bluesy

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    I had a feeling you and I would be on the same page ;) Oh, and btw, I happen to think polyamory is a pretty cool topic for a thread :cool
     
  17. Dreama

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    Thanks :) I'm really glad I decided to take my human sexuality class. I didn't think there was that much I would learn, and look! I did! I wonder what other cool things I'll see that will spark my interest.
     
  18. FlirtyChick

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    I am a one-man woman, and I cannot fathom this type of relationship for myself, but I give kudos to the people that can make it work. For me, a real intimate relationship has to be with someone who is available sexually and emotionally only to me, and I return those qualities. I could not see myself falling for a cyber lover only because there is no physical contact. I am uncertain on many things, but I know what works for me sexually and in the love arena, and I can only be in love with one man at a time. My sexuality is very sacred to me, and sharing it with multiple people is not an option for me. I do, however, love to flirt and pass out innuendo. And if the right man came along, I would be open for some cyber-sluttery, but it would end there.....No emotional ties.....
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Ah had a sex class fur human beans win Ah wuz in college two an Ah reely lacked it. It wuz real fun an Ah lurned a lot. Ah reely lacked the labs a hole lot.

    BD
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I don't think I could have a polyamorous relationship. I mean, I love everybody :brow but in reality, I think it would be too confusing. I'm so linear, it's ridiculous...I was never even able to date more than one girl at the same time back in college. (Actually, a skill I should have practiced and mastered.) Now, there's plenty of women I really like ;) (and a few I absolutely love and adore as friends), so if Flirty kicked me out for being such a ho, I'd definitely be knocking on their doors [BD ducks Flirty's swing], but...I tend to favor highly emotionally intimate relationships, and I just don't see how I could manage that from an emotional standpoint. Now, swinging...that might be a different story! [BD ducks while Flirty takes a second swing at him.]

    BD