Pleasure can be tricky...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Blitzz, Jul 11, 2011.

  1. Blitzz

    Blitzz New Member

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    Hi everybody :)

    I'm sort of new around here, so first of all I'd like to give a collective hello to everybody!

    Now, I've been having a curious little problem that I don't quite understand. I've been sexually active for quite a few years and with multiple partners (at different times), and I would be as bold as to claim that I have somewhat gotten to understand the female body particularly well, and there has not been a single woman that did not eventually have explosive endings under my hands. However, with a recent partner, I have found that she absolutely adores all sorts of foreplay, yet vaginal intercourse seems to give her absolutely no pleasure at all. Almost as if it is indifferent.This was certainly not the case with any of my previous partners. I am concerned that I may be doing something "wrong", but am unsure as to whether or not she just needs some more time to develop pleasure down there.. I am her first sexual partner, and hence she cannot relate to any past experiences.

    Right, I might as well as my second question on the same post: she often tells me to stop fingering/ licking/ rubbing her as she says she gets the feeling that she is "going to pee". Despite that fact that I have reassured her that she need not worry, that it is probably just her senses acting up/ contractions in the area giving her that feeling AND have told her that even if it does happen that she does pee it wouldn't be a first time and I would not be disgusted etc., she seems to not want to continue at all and just freezes up. Is there anything I can say to reassure her or is what I've said more or less on the right lines?

    Well, thanks for the patience, you at least read this far! Hope you can answer :)
     
  2. Mira

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    My thoughts are that she is just not confident and nervous causing her to not enjoy it as much. It could also be that she is uncomfortable (physically) and not wanting to say anything. My advice is to keep up the communication, use lube because if she is nervous she may not be producing enough natural lube, and give her time to gain trust/confidence.
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    Welcome to the forum :)

    I've heard 2 pieces of advice that have worked well for me in awakening my wife's desires. First, "go North before you go South," i.e., pay attention to her clit before you try to enter her, and "have her pee just before she gets into bed." That way, even if she feels the urge to pee, she can be confident that she won't, and eventually she will be able to relax into the feeling, which should help her on her way to reaching a climax. A glass of wine beforehand, or anything to help her relax wouldn't hurt either. Go slowly and gently.

    Something else you might try is to enter her when she's ready, and then don't move in and out, just stay in and give her more foreplay, kissing, and whatever else she likes. If you can go in from the back, sit up and try giving her a back rub while you're being still. In other words, take her focus off the vaginal intercourse by doing someting she likes.
     
  4. Near

    Near New Member

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    Tell her to urinate before you have sex so that it'll assure her that what she's feeling is not pee but sexual pleasure.