please help

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by meshuggah, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. meshuggah

    meshuggah New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I have been dateing my girlfriend for almost 4 years now.

    I took her virginity about 4 months into the relationship, and we had a good sex life for a while.

    The last 4 months or so our sex life has really slowed down. now she tells me that when we have sex, she gets no pleasure out of it, she just get frustrated. I dont have a massive member, but im not a midget either. Its strange because i can feel her get off when we have sex. But we only have sex about twice a month now, because she says she just dosn't have an interest in it anymore. She also says that she just has sex to appease me. This is not the most important part of our relationship, but it is important to me. Im wondering if she is seeing someone else, or is just bored with me and ready to move on. We have been fighting a lot lately about stupid little things too. I would appriciate some advice on this matter, or at least an outside opinion. thanks
     
  2. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    I don't think sex is the problem, it sounds like the relationship is. It sounds to me as if she's no longer in love with you, and without that love, that connection sex is meaningless for her.

    I think it's time the 2 of you sit down and discuss your relationship. But I have to be honest, it sounds a lot like the relationship may be already over. :(
     
  3. jackieizluv

    jackieizluv New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Glades County, Flori
    As much as I like relationships that work out, I'll have to say that heel is right, this looks like a very serious problem. It may be better to let go if this can't be fixed. It may be painful, but heck I bet anything is better than the limbo you must be in now.

    But if you really want it to work, maybe some counseling, or if she's open to it, more experimental sex could be the answer. I guess if what she's saying is true and not just a way out, you haven't been all that honest or open communication-wise. Best of luck to you, friend!
     
  4. meshuggah

    meshuggah New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for the advice.

    I've come to realize that things may be over. but im not willing to give up yet. we've been together for 4 years, and we have had some great times, no doubt. I'm going to do what i can to try to rekindle the fire...but im almost ready to put a time limit on it, another month or so. ive asked her several times if she wants me to leave (we have lived together for about 7 months) but she always says no. I think that if she really wanted me to go, she would tell me. I'll keep you posted
     
  5. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2007
    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    What are her long term goals. Have you guys discussed long term, or pretty much just going day-2-day.


    4 years is a good stretch. As time goes by, she maybe trying to picture herself in 5-10 years.

    Maybe she's the marrying kind.

    For some, a wedding band is a personal need, that needs met.

    Serious stuff I know, but how much do you care about her?

    Just a thought !
     
  6. ncb_truelovers

    ncb_truelovers New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I agree... move on.
     
  7. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    A few words of sound advice about the likely future of your relationship, and I agree with them having been in a similar place a couple of times in my younger days. We always parted on civil terms, indeed we parted as friends, and then I met someone who was very different to my prior girlfriends. It's all a learning experience, and the relationships that don't last help us to find the special relationship that lasts decades.

    A couple of points on your posting. First, don't consider penis size as anything more than it is: which means that if you are bigger than average, it's just a nice benefit but totally ancilliary to overall sexual pleasure in the relationship. Other, much more important things than penis size or numbers of orgasms are how much your partner loves you, desires you, and wants to make love with you. Don't forget this, and don't forget love either. Women want to be loved and sometimes we men forget this. We love our partners, but how often do we show romance beyond sex? There are many romantic things we can do, planned or just at the moment, and these things make our girlfriends and wives feel truly special.
     
  8. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Meshuggah, does she show lack of interest in other aspects of her life other than the sexual one? Has she pulled away or withdrawn from you in other ways? How about her friends and family?

    Dissatisfaction and lack of interest in sex can mean more than what it appears; it can be a symptom of depression. I'm no doctor, all I can do is speak from personal experience. When I am in the midst of the winter blues, I have a very had time keeping my libido going.

    Maybe your g/f is just in a funk. The best thing you can do is be supportive and try to communicate with her in a non-threatening manner to see what the root of her lack of interest is. Maybe it doesn't have much to do with you at all.
     
  9. meshuggah

    meshuggah New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you CL.

    actually talking to her tonight i think you might be exactly right.
     
  10. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Woohoo! I love being right. :tup

    I hope things get better for the two of you. Just keep on communicating like you are, and I bet you will be back on track soon.
     
  11. meshuggah

    meshuggah New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    sorry CL, you were wrong

    we ended things tonight

    thank you everyone for the input
     
  12. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    Sorry to hear that. :( And I know it hurts to hear it, but it's probably for the best. Your situation reminded me so much of what happened with me and my ex (in hindsight), I just hope things ended before either of you were hurt beyond repair.

    Keep your chin up, and do what you can to focus on doing things YOU want to do. Hang with friends, go on a trip, just do something that focuses on YOU. It's gonna hurt, but in the end you'll feel better.
     
  13. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Aw, bummer! Sorry to hear that. :(