Please help with anger management

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ninja08hippie, Sep 18, 2007.

  1. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    My friend hid my backpack and it annoyed me and then they still wouldn't tell me where it was and I hit them. I didn't do it hard at all and it was to the ribs, but still. Then I stormed out.

    I don't wanna hit that person (or anyone) again because now they aren't talking to me and I'm afraid I'll hurt someone and I feel terrible. They were my best friend.

    My friends and I hit each other all the time (karate class) and it's okay because we all know how to take a punch and that jaded me, but I've never hit someone out of anger before, even if it was just a little tap. This person wasn't trained in any way.

    I meditate and listen to relaxing music, but I think that's just bottling it up, not actually relaxing me. I don't get mad very often, and I don't know why I overreacted to that.

    She's female :cry I hate myself. I never ever ever want to do that again and always said that no one should do that to my students. I'm looking for an anger management class but there doesn't seem to be any around here, I'm now looking for a psychiatrist. Please don't scold me, I'm really upset already, just please help. :(
     
  2. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    Just a thought or two. A cat will lay on your lap and be happy but if you hold it so it's powerless it will get mad and fight you to get away. We react the same way. Put us in a situation where we feel powerless and everything in us wants to strike out. Second thought: I have never been angry in my life when I got my own way. Good luck!
     
  3. cook74

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    Have you confronted the girl to apologize? At least sent a letter to ask her forgiveness and understanding? I think these should be the first steps.

    We have all done things that we regret later, making up for them should be our number one priority. Making sure it doesn't happen again comes next.

    I hope you and your friend can sort things out.
     
  4. Bluesy

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    Easy there, sweetie. If you were a terrible person who deserved to be scolded, you would be saying things like, "She deserved it! She shouldn't have hidden my bag!" Look at what an emotional wreck you are, how remorseful you feel...that is plenty indication that you're a decent human being who made a very human mistake. There's no need to sound the alarms; I wouldn't say this one incident warrants a psychiatric evaluation, hon. If you feel like you've been losing control of your temper a lot lately, then perhaps it would be a good idea to look into counseling. Anger is a symptom of a vast range of psychological issues...it could just mean you're a bit depressed, even. It's best to treat the underlying cause.

    Big *hugs* to you, sweetie. Let us know how things are going, Ok?
     
  5. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    She still won't talk to me :( I don't think depression was the cause because I'm pretty depressed right now, which is making me more mellow.

    I just wish I could go back in time.
     
  6. Bluesy

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    Well, depression was just one example of a multitude of possibilities... I'm just curious, when you said, "I meditate and listen to relaxing music, but I think that's just bottling it up, not actually relaxing me", what are you bottling up? Stress?

    Btw, I would give your friend a little time to cool off. As long as she knows how remorseful you feel, that's all you can do at the moment. Anger doesn't usually last, you know.
     
  7. Malfie

    Malfie New Member

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    Sounds to me like there are multiple levels of emotion pooled up into one.

    First I am going to go on assuming by saying "I meditate and listen to relaxing music, but I think that's just bottling it up, not actually relaxing me. I don't get mad very often, and I don't know why I overreacted to that." that even you assume your emotions are bottled up. What I think you should do is develop a system where you can get your emotion out every night. Talk to someone and cry your eyes out, or yell about how shitty your day was. Get angry at a punching bag and smash it untill your nuckles bleed. Write ever night about your day and reflect.

    In the end, I highly suggets as much as possible that you talk to somebody about your day and any problems you had, talking helps the most I have found.

    What you are looking to do apparently is to find a way to make sure this never happens again, which means you need to understand why you did it. Look at the situation you were in. ( i am now going on assumptions) Your backpack was hidden and you were already either stressed or had something bottled inside. With enough encouraging, the backpack is what triggered your sudden release of anger. On normal occasions you probably would not have reacted the same way. If this is so, figure out what you were thinking/feeling/just got done doing that might have caused stress. Speeking of stress, caffeine causes more stress to the body than anybody realizes. The problem is that it doesnt cause mental destress, but causes arteries to tighten up and nobody realizes this, but it DOES effect everybody in some way. Ne ways, Figure out what was lingering and was built up. Then, figure out why it was built up, was it little things you thought would go away? Was it something big you didnt want to talk about? Whatever you didnt do that you could have done or should have, start realizing you should do as often as possible rather it being talking, yelling at the wall, crying, or punching something (not someone hehe).

    But, thats not the current issue in my opinion. The current issue is appoligizing and reconciliation. She will probably need a bit of time to stop being too angry to even listen to you, thats expected, but in time you should do something:

    Be absolutely honest and make it heartfelt, no faking it or hiding it. Appoligize to her. Tell her first that of course you were not thinking straight. That there was no reason for such a reaction. Tell her that you are taking steps to make sure you never blow up agian. Finaly tell her about her. Explain how much you hate youself for hurting her, and how scared/sad you are about loosing her friendship. Im an emotional guy and when I appoligize for something as serious as this, I usualy tend to cry lol... if you do, go for it the more heartfelt the better.

    In time she should be able to forgive you and it will be a funny little footnote on your epic ass.

    Last thing... DO NOT SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. Psychiatry is for medication, not mental and emotional facilitation. See a PSYCHOLOGIST. (I highly dislike the field of Psychiatry, they are pill pushers and have caused a rise in suicide in young teenage girls by 80%) Psychiatry will only help you if you are clinicly bipolar, or have any other clinical disorder that involves an inbalance or misfiring in your brian. Please please, go to a psychologist.

    But first things first, reconcile with her. Then with yourself. Explore the reasons and use your knoledge to change your future. GL to ya.
     
  8. Bluesy

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    Whoa, whoa, whoa...The infamous "black box" warnings that are now standard on most antidepressant medications are there to warn parents to monitor their children for worsening of depressive symptoms (which is always a possibility whenever a person has clinical depression, not because of the meds they're taking), and because there is a phenomenon that sometimes occurs whenever a person is being treated for depression: the meds begin to kick in, the person feels less apathetic, more ambitious, yet they're still depressed, they follow through on a suicidal fantasy. This has nothing to do with the medication and everything to do with a mental phase some people pass through on their way to wellness. You'd better post your source if you're going to defame the psychiatric field, btw. I simply don't believe that 80% of young women on antidepressants commit suicide. That figure would be making international headlines!
     
  9. Malfie

    Malfie New Member

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    Nono, the I said the suicide rate has raised 80% in the last 8 years for teenage girls agest 12-15. I am not defaming the field of psychiatry, I am trying to get people to understand that the quickest way to get better is not always drugs.

    Teens are a classic example of self induced depression. About 90% of all depression is situational, hence emotional. the last 10% is where the acutal chemical imbalance occurs in the brain. When the situational depression patients get thrown on medication, it effects them negatively. The meds are supose to balance an imbalance. But when there IS NO imbalance, all it does is create one. Which means, those situational depression cases are becoming truly clinicly depressed due to the meds.

    I have had first hand expierence with more than 5 girls who have been thrown on meds because their family thinks its the fast way out of the slump. This is not the case, each of them has reported being even more unable to handle the depression and acutal changes in their personality and wellbeing after being put on the meds.

    My point is not that psychiatry is dumb, its an amazing field for disorders such as Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, and other disorders which involve imbalance of hormones, chemicals or the misfiring of receptors in the brain.

    My point is that people these days take the quick way out, and thats through desensitizing themselves with easy solutions such as meds and overlook the problems these "solutions" might acutally cause.

    This man, from the sounds of it, is not sufferent form anything other than something allong the lines of lack of emotional connection (with himself), understanding, or stress which causes anger problems all of the time. I highly doubt meds are what he needs, hence, there is no point in going to a psychiatrist, he is looking for anger management, which means counseling.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    "90% of all depression is situational"...Possibly, but I also wonder if you found that statistic on a Scientology site ;) Statistically, 50% of depressed patients in therapy will recover, while 80% of depressed patients who are in therapy and taking medication will recover. And taking an antidepressant cannot create depression where it doesn't exist...It either corrects the imbalance, or it does nothing. There are side-effects...sometimes people suffer heinous side-effects from medication. Oftentimes these pass after a few weeks, but that isn't always the case.

    Ahhhhh, no, I forgot. If you're bipolar, taking an antidepressant can worsen depressive symptoms if the mania isn't under adequate control with a mood stabilizer (usually an anticonvulsant). Sounds to me like your friends should've been on a mood stabilizer first. Well, take that with a huge chunk of salt because I don't know what personality-altering SEs they experienced. Plus, you'd need to undergo a thorough evaluation to rule out other conditions...it's far more complicated than you realize, babes.

    I'm wholeheartedly in agreement with you about the counseling, btw. Not everyone needs to be on meds. I've known a lot of people to ask their doc for a script rather than see a counselor--in which case the meds are merely a band-aid cure--and then they get them from the doctors least qualified to prescribe them, their PCP. It's not a good trend.
     
  11. Malfie

    Malfie New Member

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    I was not relating bipolar to antidepressants. I was relating it to a good reason TO rely on a psychiatrist. Bipolar patients are sometimes given Lithium which can also be used as an antidepressant, but as any case like you said "its far more complicated" which would mean meds and dosage would rely on patient.

    As with any case, while we are on the subject different people react differently to antidepressants. Yes, some people feel no side effects and can secussfuly take them alone or while going through therapy, although for some, antidepressants DO cause adverse effects that can untolerable to some.

    By the way, these people were not friends, they were people simply reporting their feelings to the psychologist I intern for. If they report a "personality change" all I can say is "personality change" whether I believe it or not.

    In the end, the issue isnt what dose or what drug where and when, its what you concluded with. I just dont want him falling into the self destructive trend that many before him have done.
     
  12. loveit247

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    I don't know man. I won't stroke you here. I highly disagree with a man hitting a woman! My ex was always sorry, always an emotional wreak. I think you need help.
     
  13. Bluesy

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    No one said it was acceptable, luv. There is a world of difference, however, between having one unacceptable incident that happens as a result of just the right set of circumstances being present plus catalytic emotions, and a pattern of unacceptable incidents in a person who does nothing to ensure that the pattern is broken. I'll bet it never crossed your ex's mind to schedule himself for a psychiatric evaluation.

    I'm not criticizing your post, just pointing out that there are factors you haven't taken into consideration here. I can understand why Ninja's thread would dredge up ugly memories and heated emotions...I'm sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment :(